Almost Cancelled yesterday

I am scheduled for surgery on Jan. 9.  This is the second time I've schedule surgery with my current doctor. I also scheduled twice with another doctor. Have cancelled each time for the same reason: "Why am I mutilating my body to do this?".  I keep thinking that if I have to live such a rigid lifestyle of diet and exercise after the surgery, why not just do that now?  My husband does not want me to do the surgery.  He has said we should hire a personal trainer and private chef and work together. He lost over 140 pounds without surgery.  Went to my education session yesterday which was bizarre.  Most others getting bypass because I assume they were significantly heavier that I am or have other health issues.  The practice I am using is a Center of Excellence.  All the other people are using the head of the practice who does both surgeries. My doc just does VSG.  Started wondering if I should have learned more about the other doc.  The nurse leading the education had bypass and lost 190 pounds.  She was very dour, told her own story which had major complications and setbacks.  She's recently gained a little weight and is now on Weigh****chers (huh?).  One of the guys was accompanied by his brother who wouldn't stop talking. He had bypass and lost 190 pounds.  I didn't have mu*****ommon with these people and the nurse was being very honest but the whole thing made me less comfortable (actually I was kind of freaking out). My nurse talked me down and I felt better but there is still a possibility I call her and cancel.  I am very healthy (all of the doctors told me I'm the healthiest person they've seen in a long time).  I don't have extreme psychological issues with food, I just eat things I shouldn't and don't exercise.  I spent years in an extremely successful business which I founded but it was very stressful and that's when my real Weight issues started.  All that said, I've still gained weight since selling my business and having a less stressful lifestyle.  Just havent gotten serious or motivated and feeling a bit like I deserve to indulge myself.  That is the psychological issue.  Sooo...all this is a long way of saying I am very ambivalent about this and don't really want to do it, as it is not really a last resort for me as I haven't really tried anything else.  Just feel like I also don't want to spend the rest of my life overweight and want to enjoy my success and time with my husband.

If you're having second thoughts about any surgery, unless it's to control a life threatening condition, I would postpone.  If you're not mentally ready for WLS and the things you have to to do to get healthier, then you should postpone.  You have to be mentally prepared for this.  There are no ifs, ands, or buts on that one.  

I thought about WLS for ten years.  The only question I had for myself was, "Why didn't you do this ten years ago?"  The answer:  I was not prepared.  I was not mature enough.

If you were having second thoughts about marriage five days before, would you still go through with it?  

You should probably get with a therapist, quickly, to get through all of the thoughts and emotions you are having.  I think everyone who has ever had WLS was emotional and scared, including myself, but I never thought of postponing because I was wondering why I was even doing it.  I did it so I would have a tool to help me get healthy, so I could see my kids, grands, great-grands, etc.  Everyone has their own reasons.

It's a lifestyle change, and if you're not ready for that, don't do it.

I don't think you are ready and you have not researched it enough. If you had then you would be at peace with your decision. Nervous yes, but not in a panic enough to cancel so many times. Give yourself time to do some homework. Stick around on the forums and see what a daily life is like for us. People who rush in and get the surgery without knowing it inside and out are the ones who are more likely to fail. 

It's not only the surgery that makes someone successful... it's the commitment to making life changes FOREVER... battling the brain... and probably most important is Being Ready for it.

I was on the opposite spectrum. I never once questioned what I was doing (once I set the ball in motion that is)... I really never even got nervous, and I remember that making me worried! LOL... 

If you don't believe this is the best option for you, then maybe it isn't... but only YOU know the answer to that.

My ex sister in law had RNY 15 years ago... I was judgmental, questioned her decision, and 'knew' that wasn't FOR ME... I most definitely wasn't ready. Heck, I even lost 50lbs at the time and got to 179. And I smirked to myself that I could do it 'on my own'... fast forward, and now I sit having lost 99lbs - weighing in at 161 - and can't figure out how I gained not only the 50lbs back, but plus a whole lot more!

You can't undo the surgery once it is done.  

You can undo your decision to cancel by rescheduling.  

I have been morbidly obese most of my adult life, and super morbidly obese for about the past 20+ years.  And, yes, I cancelled WLS once myself.  In 2008 I was on the 2-week pre-op liquid diet and was scheduled for lap band surgery.  A few days before surgery I thought, "Hey, if I can do this liquid diet for this long, I should be able to continue without surgery!"  Well, needless to say, that resolve didn't last very long and I failed at losing weight...yet again.

For me, the one major issue I have always had was portion control.  I even lost 90 pounds once on my own 25 years ago by doing a very low calorie, low fat but high carb diet.  The problem?  I planned my meals around HOW MUCH I could eat for the measly amount of calories I was allowing myself.  

After years more of multiplying health issues--back problems from an old injury exacerbated by my weight, high blood pressure, depression, degenerative arthritis in my knees, and finally thyroid issues (hereditary) and Type 2 diabetes, I decided it was time for me to do something about it.  I had been researching since 2008, and since the day I first heard of VSG I was pretty much sold.  I never wanted to do malabsorption surgery like RNY, and I knew the restrictive size of the new stomach would be just the tool I needed to overcome my portion control issues.

Granted, it's only been 9 weeks since my surgery, but I am confident in the fact that I made the right decision.  No matter how healthy I tried to eat, no matter what I did, I always ate waaaaay too much.  Now I can't, and my life is already changed so much for the better.

At 57 years old, I now move better and I breathe better than I have since I was 35, my blood sugar stays between 90 and 120, and things get better every day.  

It was the right decision for me, but it definitely sounds like you are not committed at the level one needs to be in order to have any WLS surgery.  I hope you take the others' advice and see a counselor so you can figure out the best path for you.  Best of luck!

Thank you, Cathy.  Very helpful

I doubt very much you want to read any more of this, so stop now if you are so inclined.

Cancel the surgery. You are not remotely ready, and it is very doubtful you'll be successful long term. Sure, you would lose a bunch at first, but if you aren't ready, it won't last.

Stop scheduling surgeries and wasting everyone's time, including your own. It's just wrong on so many levels. When and if you are ready, you won't have these issues.

Some reasons you aren't ready?

1. You don't understand the surgeries themselves, or how they work. 
2. You say you have no extreme psychological issues with food. You do. We all do. No one qualifies for surgery without extreme psychological issues with food. Until you accept this and start to figure it out, you aren't ready.
3. You say you are healthy -- extremely healthy. You aren't. You are a time bomb. Morbidly obese people are slowly digging their own graves with a fork and spoon. This is why it's called MORBID obesity. It's just a matter of tie before you are literally falling apart. You've already started rolling that ball downhill.
4. You equate success in business with success in controlling weight. They aren't connected. Many people here on OH are extremely intelligent, talented, and successful. And none of us could control our eating without surgery.
5. You say you are ambivalent, unmotivated, and haven't tried everything else. Until those things change, you aren't ready.

I hope you've read this far. Surgery can still be the right answer for you, but not now. The vast majority of us took a few years, at least, between looking into surgery, and finally doing it. Be ready. Be prepared. Be motivated. Be successful.

Grimm - well said.

You are me ten years ago. Every time I begin to get trapped into the thought process, 'why didn't I do this ten years ago?' I remind myself I wasn't psychologically ready yet.

I came to the wls brink on and off many times for over a decade. I did do Atkins, which I'll always believe in and love. With Atkins, I did lose more than a hundred pounds several times. But each time I gained back my hard earned lost pounds, my excessive weight always brought its bff along... +10. I hate +10. I really don't see her appeal. But back then, hell, even six months ago, I was adamant against wls. Of course I didn't know about the gastric sleeve and only knew about gastric bypass and the lap band, both of which I'm not fond of. But the gastric sleeve peeked my curiosity, and before I knew it, I became obsessed in finding out everything I could about it...the highs and lows. I'm now finally on board and very excited to get this surgery done.

I'm not saying my story is yours. I think it's everyone's dream to lose the weight non surgically. And if you're not ready to get a weight loss surgery, by all means do not do it. But you owe yourself something in it's place. Don't be me, a hundred pounds heavier ten years later kicking yourself in thinking "why didn't I do this sooner?", "Why did I gain my weight back?", "What is wrong with me?", and finally, "Is there any hope for me?".

I'm still not sure of any of these answers, but for the first time in forever, the mythical sign pointing me towards a more brilliant future is now finally taking shape. I'm still not there to make the turn, but I can now see the outline of what it looks like at this distance and somedays I find myself crying. 

But getting back to this surgery, I keep thinking about that French diet I heard on Oprah years ago, 'Why French Women Don't Get Fat.' It's a three bite rule..'count bites, not calories'. I always was curious about that way of life. It made sense to me. When I did Atkins and was deep into ketosis, I would come close to that philosophy, because no matter how starved I was, after a few bites, I was completely stuffed. So it got me thinking. The gastric sleeve is forcing me, and all us wls'ers, into that way of life.

That is so French of us.

In the end, do what's right for you, but please do something. You owe yourself that. You owe yourself a future not balancing on 'I'll do this when I'm thin', or if you're like me, 'Maybe next year I'll ride that roller coaster.' No more of that **** I don't care if you're 25 or 65, these are the last of our young years. And hell, I want to live them--don't you?