One Month Out Update
(I just finished and realized this is really long, my apologies)
Hey all -- I've been lurking more than anything since getting home from the hospital -- a whole combination of things whi*****ludes me feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out how to productively fill the food void in my life.
11/26 was one month out for me -- -36.0 for the month, which is outstanding. Also put me at -81.0 since the seminar.
Even with those numbers I did hit a bit of a stall (my weight didn't change from 11/18 to 11/26) which was induced by me letting my food servings/portions get out of my control. Went to a family even all last week and made several bad choices. Still never consumed a lot of calories, but many bad choices were made (mostly quantity/frequency of food). I did learn what the negative feedback from the sleeve feels like and unfortunately experienced that three times. Was very happy to get home and be 'back in control' of my food. Even with all that -- THIRTY-SIX in M1!
--Editor's note: I know that I could have had control of my portions and I chose to let other people be in control. I don't blame anyone except myself. I need to be 100% in control at all times right now. This was a learning opportunity for me. Major learning point -- still addicted to food. The demons that I shut down the first few weeks out of the hospital think that I have invited them back, so I am relearning how to move past them.
Energy is way up. Before I went into the hospital I think I was up to 15+ pills per day. I'm down to 3 now + supplements. D2 is gone. I'll find out how my BP is doing later this week. I'm quickly running out of 'skinny' clothes -- was wearing 48-50W, into 44-46W now. My 5XLTs are horrifically large and I only have 2-3 4X t-shirts and 2-3 4X button ups. I'm trying to wait until 3X fits to reload on shirts. Trying to wait until I can buy pants/shorts from Target/Walmart/Old Navy, etc prior to reloading there. My profuse sweating is gone, which is awesome.
Still on lifting restrictions, hopefully that's lifted on Friday.
I am tired of beans/cottage cheese/eggs. Hopefully I get some variety clearance on Friday.
Considering going back to talk to a psychiatrist/psychologist. I'm struggling with some stuff. I don't consider myself a danger to me or others. Just trying to figure out how to exist without food as the center of my universe. I think is was Shakespeare who wrote, "Food is as constant as the northern star." I may be paraphrasing there.
I want to thank the people that do post here regularly. Even though I don't participate much (don't take it personally, I don't participate much off the board either), I do value the posts here. Even the ones of the "Ugh! I want to violate the meatloaf that my friends are eating" variety.
Oh, and I am 6 pounds away from my first reward that I have decided to provide for myself (and it isn't food), and my first progress pictures.
If anyone wants to ask anything of me or track me down and I am not responsive on the board, always feel free to send me a private message. I am generally agreeable and don't snarl or bite via electronic communication.
Congrats on the enormous weight loss! Incredible. You must feel amazing.
I hear you on the food addiction stuff. I'm struggling now. It's been a rough few weeks for many reasons and the holiday season is always hard because my family doesn't invite me to stuff, etc, and I've been turning back to food. Today I ran on the treadmill and nailed Couch to 5K Week 4 Day 3. I killed it. Then I showered, ate my three small meatballs with marinara, paused, and grabbed the remainder of a bag of chips (why do I have chips? I don't even know) and just pounded them. I'm so distraught about my behavior and after reading this, I realized that I should probably start seeing someone about my issues because I'm basically white-knuckling it with no family support and a very small amount of friend support. Anyway, this is not about me, it's about you, so...
Glad to hear the sweating is going away! That's my favorite NSV after losing 60 lbs.
Happy to hear you're doing well!
I've chosen to tell very few people, so the number of people supporting me is small.
I totally understand your chip adventure -- on one hand I don't understand why it is so difficult. On the other hand, this difficulty and my pattern of choices is what got me here in the first place.
60 pounds is awesome and I'm sorry that you still struggle with these things.
Set an alert on your smart phone to come here and update at least once a week. I will be looking for youI really enjoyed reading your update. I admire how you are taking responsibility for your choices and not beating yourself up when you get challenged. Massive congrats on your 1st month loss you knocked it outta the park!
Just curious if you were to pick the best moment so far what would that be? And if you had one piece of advice for newbies or those considering surgery what would that be?
Look forward to more updates :)
Best part: Retiring clothes that are too big and fitting in things I didn't fit in before (chairs, booths, etc)
Best advice x 2: Don't be afraid to try on clothes that you think are too small and try any foods that fit in your 'plan' even if you previously hated them -- your tastes may have changed.
Best (somber) advice: Prepare for jealousy. Prepare for sabotage. Prepare to face some inner demons that you have kept buried under a mountain of food. The surgery is the easy part. The stuff between your ears is the hard part.
I would not recommend this path for anyone. I would recommend this path for people that are willing to make tough decisions, sacrifices and engage in a healthy amount of self-reflection. I would not recommend this path for people who want to figure out how to sneak in a early on just because they want to. I have given up (some) control over my dietary life for the time being. I have a very finite list of foods that I can eat from and I need to eat from that list exclusively until I'm told otherwise. I feel that I got in the hole I was in by making my own food decisions, so I am following the food guidelines set forth by someone else now.
Congratulations on your one month weight loss!!! Great job!!
I really enjoyed reading your post. Your insight into the struggles with food demons is so spot on. We all have them (if we didn't we wouldn't have been sleeved, right) and have to find what works for us to keep them at bay.
During my 2 weeks post-op, I just wanted something warm to eat - protein shakes, yogurt, cottage cheese are cold and get old quickly. So, of course, I tried egg whites, which I could not even get down.....bummer. I also tried the Unjury protein chicken broth powder but the temperature to keep it from coagulating was not warm enough to even be considered warm......bummer 2. As our minds are great for, I wondered if I could try something else that was from my next Stage list. But I self talked myself that this is a life changing process; it took a lot to get where I was; I just invested ALOT of time and money into being healthier. Since I am now on Stage 5 where I can introduce veggies and some fruit, as well the dense proteins from Stage 4, the above episodes have pretty much gone. But I try not to let my guard down, as our minds love to play.
Seeking someone to talk to is awesome. Objectivity sheds such a refreshing new light on some many things.
You have so many pluses already that you will only continue to soar. Keep that as your focus.
Take care and pop in to keep us posted.
P.
HW -265; SW - 251; CW - 154
Surgery Date- 10/12/2016!!
