Future VSGer saying Hello

After lurking around the forums for the past few months I've finally got up the courage to make my first post. I'm naturally introverted but I feel if anyone knows what this journey is like then I should find them here.

In August I had my semi-regular physical and I was annoyed (humiliated) to find I had put on 21lbs since my previous physical and was at my highest ever weight, I have a very sedate job - I'm in IT and sit at a desk all day and rarely get a chance to move. I guess I was kidding myself into thinking all my bad habits were not taking a toll. I was mainly skipping meals, and then boredom eating at night, always drank full sugar drinks etc.

Luckily I get on well with my Dr, she gently asked if I had ever thought about surgery and I immediately said I would jump at the chance if she was offering, I didn't even know it was possible in Alberta but it would seem it is! My referral was made, was accepted and I've since had my intake assessment and first dietician appointment.

I've been heavy as long as I can remember, as have all my 5 of my siblings. It was only upon starting the Calgary Weight Wise program that I realized that much, but not all, is ingrained into my very being with terrible habits my Mum instilled into us (who was as thin as a bean pole...). We had to be plate clearers, dessert every night, "treats" hidden under our pillows for us to find once we were in bed, treats on a tray in front of the TV when coming in from school. I feel I have 40 odd years of damage to undo.

It seems through the discussions already had with my RN and Dietician that the VSG would likely be the best option for me. I've been given goals to get myself in training for my "after-life", protein, fibre, water, calories etc and I'm working it for all that I have, and I've already lost around 26lbs from my highest weight.

The thing is, what do I say to family? My 3 children know and after having full and frank conversations they are totally on board.  I've briefly spoken to my Mum about it, she lives back in the UK so I couldn't really judge her reaction well. She knows I'm not a massive over-eater and mainly it is habits causing the bulk of the problem, she agrees that I need an additional tool. I'm very nervous to tell my sister who also lives here in Calgary and could likely do with the surgery herself. What have others done when discussing this with family? I don't want to hide it as I'm doing a good thing for myself, but I know there will be a lot of negativity.

Welcome Jane!  Hope you find lots of good answers here.

I really didn't discuss the surgery with anyone (outside of my doctors).  So I can't really help you there.

I do the same work and have the same kind of habits -- thus far (2.5 weeks) it's been a very good tool for me.  Hope you find success!

Hi Jane. Welcome to the wonderful world of OH Support!!! You'll not only find support here, but you'll find answers to questions you already have and answers to questions you didn't know you had.

As to discussing this with others......if at all possible, DON'T.........definitely don't tell the world at large because everyone out there has an opinion and many people will be happy to give you all the negatives and then point fingers at you the second you do anything they think is wrong......some people love to tell you how much better they did it, etc. All that being said, there are also just as many people who will be 100% supportive. I found that the fewer people who knew about my decision, the better.

I revised from a lap band and it was an excellent decision for me. One of my friends knew about my band and I love her to pieces, but she's one of the Negative Nellies....and when I told her that I had my band removed, she said it was the smartest thing I did....and she continually harps on how I had the band, how I did with the band, how she thought it was a bad idea, how she's happy that I had it removed....I finally told her that if she didn't stop, I couldn't spend time talking to her as it was very upsetting. I didn't tell her that I went in for the VSG..........of course, she hasn't been able to control her weight and is always lamenting about how she can't lose....so I just nod and keep my thoughts to myself. Another of my friends ....we can call her Supportive Sally.....is like my very own cheerleader. I didn't tell my kids because my daughter seems to think I'm in capable of making health decisions......apparently she is under the impression that once someone passes the age of 65, they lose their minds. My brother knows and is also totally supportive. My boyfriend (if you can actually call a 71 year old man a BOYfriend) is a physician and is totally on-board with my decision and has been terrific since I had my surgery in June. I'm down 48 pounds and feel fantastic. I had hoped to be in what we call Onederland (in the 100s) by my 71st birthday on Nov 3, but I'm still 2 pounds away but expect to be there by next week.....and I'm very excited!

So, to tell or not to tell???? Be sure to let your kids know that this is a very private issue and you prefer that they not discuss it with anyone. It's YOUR journey and if people are watching everything you do and everything you eat (or don't eat), it just makes it uncomfortable. As far as telling your sister goes, that's something you will have to decide for yourself. If you are really close and you feel she will be supportive, then it would be wonderful to share it with her. If you feel that she will not be supportive, but that you can't hide it, you might simply say that you've made a decision, you aren't sure how she feels about it but that you need and hope she will give you her support.

When I'm out for dinner with anyone, I tell them that I've changed my eating habits...that I eat primarily protein with some vegetables and that instead of eating a large dinner I eat several small meals daily. They don't have to know that I don't actually eat several meals daily, but it seems to satisfy their curiosity as to why I never finish a whole meal when I'm with them.

Other than that, best of everything on your journey....come here often.....you won't be disappointed and you'll learn new stuff all the time.

I only told a few select few, that I knew would support me. Then right before, as 2 days before, my surgery, my husband told EVERYBODY. And I mean everybody he knew lol 

i will admit it's been nice not to hide what was going on, but it also made "how my surgery is going" a hot topic everytime we all got together lol 

dont tell you sister in hopes of what she will do, that's her personal decision. Tell her this is what the doctors have suggested you do for your health. And approach it as this it what multiple doctors have determined is best for you. If it isn't, you wouldn't have gotten approval from the insurance company. And yes, multiple docs, from regular doc, dieticians, psych evaluation etc... 

Welcome and congrats on your upcoming surgery!

I didn't tell anybody except my Husband, brother, and best friend. I don't care if they find out now but I didn't want to hear all the negative stories like my co-workers cousins uncles brother's wife died bla bla bla! Preparing for surgery mentally is hard enough.

Good luck!

First of all, GREAT JOB on that 26lb loss! I've been on a 6 month physician directed diet and only lost a pound a month!

I'm also new on the boards and pre-op with a surgery date of 11/29/16. I've talked to my husband and daughter about it and some of the people I work with (since they will be covering for me when I'm out). Everyone is on board, being encouraging and wanting to know more about it. If they aren't, they are keeping their opinions to themselves. :)

However, I haven't told my brother or sister or any extended family who do not live close to me. I don't know why. I think they would be supportive, but they are just not involved in my everyday life. I will probably tell them next week after the Thanksgiving holiday. Just tell them I would appreciate their thoughts and prayers for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. We are, after all, adults and make whatever decisions are the best for us. They don't tell me how to make other major decisions in my life, so they don't get to tell me how to make this decision either.

You have to do what makes you comfortable. I didn't want my family asking for constant updates on my pre-op 6 month supervised diet, so I have chosen not to tell them until the surgery is closer. Others have chosen not to tell anyone but their significant others until well after the surgery. We are all different, but supportive of each other.

Good luck making that decision!

Thank you for the welcome and replies.

You generally seem to be of the same opinion as my kids, they're 16 to 23 yrs old so we can talk about this stuff. They are firmly of the opinion that IF I tell anyone it should be afterwards as there are too many negative Nellies out there,  they can't see that I'll get the response that I'm hoping for from my sister, which is kind of sad but I have to admit it's probably true. But, I'm not on this journey for her approval.

I suppose I just feel odd about keeping it quiet and her finding out down the line and then having to explain why I never told her about it. She already knows I've started to lose weight but I've not said anything about surgery, and I suppose the very fact that I haven't said anything shows my inner feelings about it.

I have no intention telling anyone else, it's none of their business.

Hi there :)

Basically pre-op I only told the people who needed to know in case I died.  For me, this was my parents, my partners, my brother, and my two best friends.  I also told people who needed to know for professional reasons, so my voice teacher and my massage therapist.  Otherwise, I waited to tell people until post-op.  I told everyone (via Facebook) after I'd lost about 80 pounds.  

Prior to surgery I only told family, who were all supportive (or kept quiet).  Ultimately like Gwen I "came out" on Facebook after reaching goal.  I'm pretty open about it now and have not heard negative comments (probably because I already lost the weight). I find that a lot of people are curious about what it was like because they or a close friend/family member has contemplated WLS.