Emotional

I have to say that I made my "extreme statement" of venting elsewhere because paulfdoig said, "Why do you feel the need to vent to others?" It made me feel like I am not supposed to be venting here. I've certainly seen others doing it in the six months I've been around these forums, but if it's not cool with the group, so be it. But I'm a human and I need to vent. Do others not vent? What else do you do when you're hurt/sad/betrayed/etc? I used to eat. Drink. Nap. Eat some more. 

I hope my friends don't think I'm an ass. I'm usually the pushover. The listener. The anything-goes person. I hear all of their stories multiple times (because they're always drunk and repeat themselves) and I just smile and nod, and don't have a chance to get my stories out. I'm not particularly controversial or opinionated. I am funny and love to laugh. People generally like being around me. I don't say anything about their drinking. I used to participate in it. Maybe they're uncomfortable with the fact that I don't drink. Maybe it was all one unfortunate misunderstanding. 

I've had recurrent major depressive disorder my whole life. I've been on and off SSRIs and SNRIs. I've been off for about a year, which I feel is why I took the initiative to have this surgery. On SNRIs, I was completely okay with the status quo and somewhat dead inside. 

I've sought counselling several times for my depression. Last time was a bit over a year ago. We mainly focused on my food issues. Perhaps it's time to see someone again. It's weird because until yesterday, I felt so happy. No mood swings, not even an inkling of this. Today I still haven't stopped crying. I took my dog for a walk around the lake, three miles, all puffy-eyed and sniffling. It didn't help as much as I thought it would have. I'm still upset. Wish I had an on/off switch.

I really do appreciate your help.

I think you are fine with venting.  What I meant was (and didn't explain well) most people either ignore or disagree with criticism.  Saying you're not going to post anymore when one person was marginally critical is a bit, well, extreme, since all the posts were supportive.  Not everyone will agree in any support group.  The face-to-face ones are similar.  Online it's also harder to convey tone too, I think.  Don't feel like you can't post.  Definitely chat if you need to!

I don't think you are an ass either.  Sometimes our friends are the problem, too.  There's always a reason people naturally avoid us or don't respond.  Sometimes it's us and sometimes it's them.  With a mood disorder both of us always need to take a step back and examine the situation.  I wound up cutting a lot of people out of my life for being insensitive or outright abusive, and attracted new non-jerky people.  I don't have a problem with drinking, but most of my friends these days do not heavily drink any more - previously this was not the case.  Try not to read into their motives.  If I could figure out people's motives for everything I'd be wealthy, heh.  No one knows but the individual, and even they may not know why they are avoiding you - they may not even know they are doing it.

I take an SNRI (cymbalta) and definitely don't feel dead inside.  Typically antidepressants aren't very numbing by nature if it's the correct one.  I'm sorry you had that experience.  I have been fortunate with my major depressive disorder.  I had horrible mood swings post-op because fat loss releases the estrogen that's been stored there.  I would up going on hormones and to counseling twice a week for 1-2 months post-op.  It was really bad.  You're definitely not alone.  When people have had a bad result with medications I often suggest they see a psychiatrist only, and/or find a university medical center.  Often the best psychiatrists do research there, and they have far more experience than the average practitioner.

An in-person support group might also be great.  That would definitely give you another outlet.  There are also crisis lines that have people who just talk - you don't have to be suicidal to use one.  I worked for one for many years, and talked many people through mood swings.  I actually used one myself post-op even though I'm a counselor myself.  We all need support sometimes no matter who we are. :)

I see what you're saying. When I see someone say, "Why are you venting?" that feels like a huge rejection of my feelings. Like, "Why do you feel the need to have feelings in the first place?" Yeah, I have extreme feelings about that phrase. I often feel like less of a person. When he used that phrase, I definitely felt like he was saying I'm less of a person for needing to vent. Extreme indeed.

My SNRI was Effexor. I was on it for years, over five for sure. Maybe "dead inside" was a slight exaggeration. It made me not care, basically. Not care to improve my life, not care if someone did something like this, for sure. It also made me not feel much enjoyment in life, and it made me not take care of things I needed to take care of, like fixing stuff in my house or going to the dentist. It was hell to go off, though.

Thanks again for all the great advice.

Is there a support group that the hospital offers where you had your wls? Until someone has walked in your shoes, no one truly knows what you are dealing with. You would be surrounded by others who have been where you are. Maybe you could make friends there; a person or two who could help to lift your mood, someone you could text or invite over to have a meal with - pureed style! 

Our bodies are going through some pretty massive changes and there's no wonder we get emotional, take things pretty hard and just feel like it's us against the world. I have a feeling things are going to get much better and you're gonna look back on this as just a hurdle you had to cross to get to your goal. I've seen some of the vets post about the mood swings in the new wls patients and I'm sure they've been here long enough to see the ups and downs that people go through. 

I, personally, have had a couple of weepy moments myself. One of the biggest things that makes this happen is stepping on the scale and seeing it move so dramatically. I'm in awe. I'm in shock. I'm so thankful that I did this, but honestly, I'm weak as water, I miss family times and 'feeling' like cooking for my family. I know this will pass. I know I will feel great again and I'm healing from surgery, but we have to take one step at a time and maybe even one hour at a time now. I've added in some thiamine and a few more carbs and it seems to be helping my weakness. I thought many times yesterday I was going ot hit the dirt and that is depressing when I can't do the things I want to do. I feel more energy today. I've also had to back off my b/p medication because it was hovering really low. This is a process that we can't learn overnight and I'm very sorry that you're at odds with your friends. Talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling. I'm sure if they are friends; truly friends, they will understand and support you. I wish you the best and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! (I'm a terrible singer, but I sang that just now.. heh)

My two cents?

I think this says a lot:

"Maybe they're uncomfortable with the fact that I don't drink."  

My husband and I don't drink and we have found that we are friends with mostly non-drinkers.  Of the couple of friends we have that do drink regularly, we don't see them that often. They like to hang out with other drinkers.

I would be willing to bet that their snubbing you today had more to do with their hangups than yours. Most people - me and you included - are essentially mired in their own world; their own problems. Didn't you say, "I'm usually the pushover. The listener. The anything-goes person. I hear all of their stories multiple times (because they're always drunk and repeat themselves) and I just smile and nod, and don't have a chance to get my stories out." You give; they take.

I would even venture a guess here - and - it's just a guess - these people aren't really your friends. If they've never listened to you or know much about you because you don't get a chance to get in a word edgewise - they aren't true friends. True friends are people who know your stories and your hangups and rough edges and love you because of - or - in spite of - these things. 

I think that your text message probably didn't help the situation much or make them think of you any more kindly. But it's out there - you can't take it back.  I don't know much about your neighbors, other than what you've said here, but I know I already don't like them. 

I would also like to say that  I don't have a problem with anyone venting on here. Go ahead - vent. 

Anne, I think you hit the nail on the head with the drinking thing. I just had a talk with one of the two neighbors involved here and at the end of our talk, she said, "I miss seeing you. I feel like we don't see you as much." Well, that's just weird because I'm off work for this surgery and we hang out in the yard every 2-3 nights at least. Sometimes every night. What we don't do is get drunk together anymore, and I don't sit in her living room after hours drinking wine while she chain smokes. That's what's changed. In fact, I can't tolerate being around smoke anymore. I've never been a smoker but I used to put my own health at risk by being in her house all the time drinking wine together while she smoked. Now she goes inside when she needs to smoke, and we don't spend that "quality" time together anymore.

Your post reminded me of something. I got stuck in an elevator a couple months ago. It was a pretty traumatic 20 minutes of my life. I was telling these friends, and they just kind of yawned and changed the subject. I mean, nobody's perfect, but shouldn't an elevator story warrant at least some follow-up questions? 

Anyway, I appreciate all the help!

Yes, like, "Were you alone in the elevator?" "How'd you get out?" "Do you always take the stairs now?"

No, really, "Were you alone in the elevator?" "How'd you get out?" "Do you always take the stairs now?" I want answers! :)

-Anne

Aww sorry you went through this and spent your birthday alone!  Happy Birthday, you have us sweetie!

Oh sorry your feeling so low. Happy birthday to you.