Emotional

It's my 35th birthday today. I'm almost two weeks post-op and on a pureed diet. I don't usually make a big deal about my birthday, but I texted my two neighbor friends to see if they'd want to hang out a little bit in the yard tonight. One of them responded that she'd already planned a BBQ with some other mutual friends, but of course I was welcome to join. This was at about 6:30 pm, and I'd already eaten my pureed dinner. 

I kind of lost it. I mean, she KNEW it was my birthday. I just texted her back that I didn't really want to sit around and watch everyone eat AGAIN (I'd just sat through a neighborhood BBQ when I was on full liquids and every single person was eating and drinking) and I wished she'd invited me earlier so I could've joined them with my pureed stuff. I continued, "I'm going to sit in the back yard and read for awhile. Why don't you text me when you all are done eating?" No response.

An hour and a half later, still no text. I sent both neighbor friends (who were joining in on the mutual friend BBQ thing) a text saying, "I waited an hour and a half. Happy F-ing Birthday to me!" Nobody has responded. I'm super emotional, crying, and I have nobody else to vent to. My own mom hasn't wished me a happy birthday today because she's given up on me/hates me/whatever, I don't even know. I'm single, I have few friends, and the people I trust the most blew me off tonight. 

This might be such a non-issue but I think I'm emotionally labile because of the recent surgery and hormone stuff. Before the surgery, I totally would be double ******* some wine and carb items right now. Tonight I'm just crying with my water. Somehow my ability to handle life got so hard.

Oh honey I'm so sorry. I had an absolute crazy breakdown last night, so I know all about these ridiculous emotions. I also "celebrated" my birthday while on full liquids, and it was really hard. Been there, so I know how you're feeling. 

My advice F* 'em. F* 'em all. Get skinny. Be fabulous. You do you, and let them be jerks.

Oh and Happy Birthday!!!

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  I know the hormone dumping and crazy emotions can be a royal pain in the backside to put it mildly, but think of the awesome birthday gift you've given yourself, and all the wonderful things you have to look forward to now!  You've taken a huge step toward a healthier, happier life.  This is just a bump in the road - keep your eyes on the prize. :)

You're not alone - we're all behind you here, cheering and rooting for you, so imagine us all in a room with you singing Happy Birthday!

You are very entitled to your feelings but don't let those temporary feelings create long term rifts.  Yu should not lose 2 friends for every 2 weeks and I expect you will apologize and let them know that your hormones got the better of you.  I say "temporary" because these good people, like you, should be celebrating soon.  You WILL be eating again, you WILL be much more healthy, you WILL be happy that you did this.  Give it time! And So I have to disagree with anyone who says "F" them.  They seem to be normal, self-centered people just like you and me.

Oh I forgot to say "Happy 35th".  Congrats on taking the big step so young.  Many many more happy birthdays.

Hanlon's razor: "Don't assume bad intentions over neglect and misunderstanding."

Just breath! I am sure the people having the party and your other friends were having fun, and not sitting around texting and reading text, at least I hope so, doing that at an event or while visiting is rude in my opinion. Please don't take it personally that others have their "normal lives" and they don't always think of others needs and feelings first. it would be great if all friends did, and maybe you do, but it isn't the norm. You had this surgery to change your life, not your friend's and neighbor's. Your life is the one that changed. If you can't handle people eating, or drinking while you are around, you might need to get some counseling, because that is just the world you live in, and it will not change. Not sure about your relationship with your mother, I will just say this, as I am 51 and have lost both of my parents, don't hold grudges because tomorrow isn't a guarantee, and after 18, your parents are adults just like you, so deal with any hurt feelings like you would with anyone else you love. Everyone has hurt feelings, but waiting anyone out produces no winners, just lost memories. I suggest you Apologize to whomever you sent the snarky text "happy f-ing birthday to me" an apology and explain that you were feeling vulnerable , and not thinking clearly. Remember whomever says sorry first is the adult.

Why do you feel the need to vent to others? You said you have no one else to vent to. You are making too much out of a situation that was created because you would not feel comfortable around a party friends were having. You took yourself out of the party without even trying. You could have gone and if it was miserable just said thank you but I am going to go home, but you sold yourself short, and then wanted everyone else involved to change for you, only you never even shared that you were uncomfortable with your new situation in life. Do you see how unfair that is to them?

1. I hang out with these people a lot. They DO have their phones out and check their texts. Rude or not, that's what they do. 
2. This main friend was asking what "we" could do for my birthday when we were hanging out on Thursday. She was asking about food. I responded that I could purée anything. Imagine my surprise when I'm not even invited after that conversation. If by chance I hadn't eaten by the time I invited myself to hang with them, I would have just puréed a little bit of what they were having. The fact that I wasn't invited led me to eat at a normal time and I wasn't going to eat a second dinner. 
3. Regarding my mother, I sent her a nice letter apologizing for my part months ago, maybe almost a year ago. I've heard nothing back. 
4. I have the need to vent to others because I am a human with feelings. Keeping my feelings buried led me to morbid obesity. I'm trying to FEEL my feelings now instead of eating or drinking them away. If you feel I shouldn't vent here, I will find some other support system I guess. 

Happy Birthday!!! This is going to be the best year yet.  You wait.  You stay on plan and you can not believe the new you next year.  You have a big hormone dump going on right now.  Possible steroids from surgery also have emotional effects.  Give yourself a break, take a deep breath.  Tell your friends your sorry and/ or find some new ones.  

I used to do this all the time.  I realized later (I'm 39) that I must make myself a priority.  I am proactive when I have a birthday coming up.  I don't rely on people knowing I want to do something.  Even though my friends know me well, they aren't mind readers.  Most friends don't automatically do that these days.  I'm also single.  I also live by myself.  I am busy (I'm a counselor) and my friends are also all busy.  In your case, one also did try to include you, too, which I think is a good sign. :)  That's far from abandoning you.  It's not their fault you already ate - and you can easily "eat" and sip water while there.  It's good practice for us to be around people eating even when it's difficult.  As someone with binge eating disorder and depression I know it can be hard.  Again, that's why it's good practice.

I know you are upset, and you're right - you may have lability due to the hormones post-operatively.  It sounds like you don't have much support.  As a counselor, and as someone who had horrible mood swings post-op, a counselor can be invaluable for that.

I am trying to say this as kindly as possible: if people are not picking up on social cues you feel you are putting out, there is probably a good reason for this.  People naturally avoid mood swings and conflict.  It is not a willful decision.  I think there is more going on than your neighbors declining to text you back.  Again, as a counselor, and someone with depression, I used to exhibit many of these aspects.  People did the same exact thing.  I was acting like an ass, to be frank.  Now I'm not saying you are doing this, however, if the people you trust the most are avoiding you, you need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to contemplate why this is the case.  Chances are there may have been emotional lability for a long time that you may not be aware of which has caused them to naturally step back.  Your immediate response that you will no longer vent here and go elsewhere is another sign to me that might be the case; it's an extreme statement.  Most people do not make statements like that when disagreed with.  

I'm saying this out of genuine concern, because, having been in this position, it's very painful.  I hated it.  I wanted to kill myself for being there.  I am much better (and much happier) these days.

From one person who was here to another, I hope that whatever the cause is, you are able to find the comfort and peace you need in a healthy way.