Food obsession

Thank you, Meep. That's very encouraging. One of the things I'm thinking about a lot is that I need to tell myself that I have to look at my eating issues and obesity as progressive, chronic illness, much like diabetes or heart disease, and address it accordingly. The surgery will be one component of that treatment. I hate the thought of restricting food, but I'm sure people with diabetes don't relish the thought of testing their blood sugar 4 x day, but they have to do it, as well as follow a diet, for an example. I'm still stuck in an inner dialogue of shaming myself for not being able or willing to control my compulsion. But I think after about 38 years, it's time to accept the fact that this is not something I'm going to be able to tackle without a pretty strong incentive, such as becoming very ill or experiencing pain when I don't do what I'm supposed to do. Hang in there, and good luck on your licensure! Thanks again, take care.

I will be 39 in May.  It's never too late to start living while we're alive!  It took me most of my life, too.

I often shame myself.  That's a part of the disorder.  I try to remind myself of this.  

You have a fantastic attitude!  Even the best of us need to be reminded of things, sometimes.  Therapy gives us the tools, but what most therapists don't say (which they should) is that only we can break that inner dialogue. It's all repetition, like a broken record.  If we have a bad day, we just get up again instead of flailing around.

I think you've already started being able to tackle it.  You've already tried to improve.  Eating disorders are life long chronic issues like you said.  They are NOT a measure of character or worth.  We struggle as anyone with diabetes would, to manage and adapt.  Try to remember that you aren't alone at all.  Many of us have disordered eating - heck, even loads of skinny people binge more than we do, sometimes!

Like I said, you have a good attitude and perspective.  Hang in there, yourself!  Don't hesitate to ask for support here when you need it :)

Hi!

I've suffered from binge eating for several years now. I completely understand what you mean about the psychological NEED to eat and overeat. I've been in therapy for a while now, and I think it's important to continue that, but I decided to go ahead with the surgery.

I am almost 2 weeks post-op from a vertical sleeve. I've been thrilled so far with my results! I'm down 12 pounds. 

However, I have already found it very challenging to stick to my post op diet. Most days are fine, but a couple have been tougher than others. One day in particular, I kept eating. I was eating soup, cottage cheese, pudding, yogurt - all things on my diet, but I was eating too much and too fast. It made things VERY uncomfortable. I had severe cramping in my stomach. That made me realize I just CANNOT eat like I used to. It's physically impossible. So I'm using the VSG as a tool to help me make long term changes. 

I highly recommend the surgery. I'm starting to listen to my body more, and that is helping me create new, better, healthier habits.  

Thank you, Brpellet. Congratulations to you. I admire all of you who have chosen to take the plunge. I'm having difficulty even getting myself to call the insurance company! I just can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to eat the foods that I do now. You sound very determined and positive. Take care!

Hey Animlzrule - 

I've struggled with Binge Eating Disorder since adolescence and I am currently 18 months post-op with gastric sleeve.  I am, by just about anyone's definition, a success story.  I started my journey at 356lbs, and my current weight (I'm exploring maintenance) is 157lbs.  That's 200lbs lost in the space of 20 months since I started my pre-op diet.  

My worst day after surgery I was about two weeks post-op.  I was driving home after a ****ty day at work and all I wanted to do was make a family size box of Kraft Mac & Cheese, sit in front of my tv, and eat the whole thing before my husband got home.  I realized that, not only could I not soothe myself in that way on that day, but that that kind of 'coping' wasn't ever going to be an option again.  I had to pull over and I cried for a good twenty minutes that day.  

My life has changed a lot since then.  I have been running for a little over a year now.  I regularly exercise in a variety of ways, I keep track of everything I eat on MyFitnessPal every single day (I'm on a 582 day streak right now), and most days I eat pretty well according to plan. I have sought therapy on and off for my BED since I started this journey but haven't seen anyone regularly for an extended period.  

While I haven't sought as much in the way of professional help, I have spent a great deal of time over the last 18 months working on myself, gaining more self-awareness, working through and on some of my issues.  I am in a MUCH better place than I was when I started this journey.

All this to say, I am still definitely dealing with my head issues.  I have developed alternate coping mechanisms for stress and some of the emotional triggers that used to compel me to binge.  They work a lot of the time, but I still have episodes.  When I start to feel out of control and recognize those obsessive thoughts coming back in and those compulsions, I have a set of tools I use to help me get back on track.  Today, for instance, I am taking myself back to full liquids only for a couple of days as I've been feeling a little out of control with my eating and have noticed some of those negative thought patterns creeping in.

My best advice is to seek help in a way that works for you.  I am SO glad I didn't put off surgery until I was "fixed."  You're headed in the right direction knowing that you have multiple issues to deal with and that surgery won't magically fix your head.  Work on finding tools that work for you whether that's through therapy or self-directed.

Hi Linison, 

Ugh!!! I can totally picture myself with that family size box of mac n cheese. Thank you for being so encouraging. It's so much to process and I'm feeling overwhelmed. It helps to hear "before" stories. I often feel like my own experience/addiction/fears are unique and that it's impossible for me to change my behaviors and relationship to food. It helps to hear from people who have had similar struggles and have still been brave enough to take the chance. What's the worst that can happen? I guess I'd just wind up right back where I am now. But at least I will have tried.

Hi,

 I am almost 4 years out and still want to shove food in my mouth at all times.  I am at my heaviest after surgery now - 139 - i am usually 133.  I have not been exercising so i know that is the weight gain issue - my jeans are a bit snug.  I know muscle weighs more than fat and i have lost muscle and gained fat.  Plus i have done a tiny bit of binge eating.  As i found out - a lot of us will always struggle with our head.  I fight myself on a daily basis - but still make really good choices (most of the time).  Surgery is still the best way to go - you are forced to live life a certain way.  I love my sleeve and never ever regret it.  I do really really really miss buffets though.... but i do not miss being kicked off the rides at amusement parks etc....the entire experience is a head trip.  there will be weeks that no weight comes off and then 8lbs off "all at once" - clothes will be lose super fast... just a really crazy experience.

good luck to you!!!

Thank you! My pro and con list regarding pursuing surgery skews extremely "pro", but those couple "cons" are each enormous. But I think my quality of life would improve so drastically that I'd be able to reflect back to where I was pre surgery, and recognize that no amount of food is worth...like you said....not being able to go on an amusement park ride, for example. I'm glad to hear that even with your continued struggles, you don't regret the surgery. Which is pretty consistent with what I'm reading on the forum. Stay strong! :)

I am an emotional binge eater.  I understand exactly what you're saying, because I felt the same way before I had surgery.

I ate my way up to 449 lbs.  I was in pain, on multiple meds and spent the better part of my weekends sleeping because I had no energy.  It was the pain in my knees that finally compelled me to consider WLS.

I knew going in that I would have to radically change how and what I eat.  What I liked about the VSG was the removal of the stomach portion that generates ghrelin, the hunger hormone.  I could eat huge portions of food and I needed a way to restrict it.  

I ate junk/fast food daily, sometimes twice a day.  It was my addiction.  Now I do not crave it.  It doesn't taste good to me anymore.  I prefer to make food that is fresh and healthy and delicious.  It takes time to figure out what works best for you, but losing a significant amount of weight with a VSG is doable.  Several people on this forum have.

I will always have the obsession/addiction to food.  I've worked with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders trying to overcome it.  I realize that I will never completely forego the emotional attachment that I feel for food.  But now I don't have to get the rush of stuffing myself to the gills daily like I did in the past.  Now it's physically uncomfortable if I eat too much.  I don't enjoy eating the crap that I used to eat.  I feel so much healthier and active after dropping over half of what I used to weigh.

I was wary about the permanence of removing 85% of my stomach.  It hasn't caused me any significant issues.  I'm just follow my eating plan as much as I can which is about 90% of the time.  I'm not perfect.  I'm almost 2-1/2 years out.  

In the first year after surgery, it is vital that you use that time to lose as much weight as you can.  Be motivated and committed to staying on plan.  Change your lifestyle and don't think of your new eating patterns as a "diet."  Diets always fail.  This will be the way you will eat for the rest of your life, with some modifications when you are at maintenance.  With the sleeve, there's nothing you can't eat, but whether you choose to eat it is up to you.

I always say this was the best decision I've ever made for myself.  I wish I had it years ago.  

Thank you for your reply, Geek Monster. I've had a very panicky day today, full of doubt about the feasibility of being able to be successful when maintenance starts.  I'm having a hard time conceiving of living the rest of my life without being able to eat some of my favorite foods. I keep envisioning myself eating 3 oz of plain, baked, skinless chicken breast for dinner every night. (My mom started a new diet every Mon, so we always had skinless, baked chicken breast, broccoli and a plain baked potato--I automatically associate healthy eating with that now) Then I tell myself, what's the worst that can happen, aside from a catastrophic surgical complication? I guess I'd just gain all my weight back. But if I don't do it,  I'll always have wonder and regret. One question about something you wrote though. You said, "It takes time to figure out what works best for you, but losing a significant amount of weight with a VSG is doable.  Several people on this forum have." There seem to be quite a few people using the forum. I guess I'm startled by your qualifier of "several" people losing a significant amount of weight. To my ears, that's code for "few are successful." In your experience, do most people gain their weight back eventually? Again, thank you for your reply. You are an inspiration. :)