Trying to decide

I posted this on another post where someone was hearing negative things from other people about her upcoming surgery and since it applies here, I am going to re-post:

"People who have never struggled with obesity simply do not understand.  They think that you can lose weight by limiting calories and exercise alone.  Those of us that tried those methods, and tried those methods and tried those methods, know that it is not that easy.  My mom didn't want me to have the surgery, but for a different reason.  She was not comfortable with my doing it in Mexico.  But I let her delay me by 6 or 7 years because of her protests and I wish I had stuck to my guns and done this sooner.  It is truly the best thing I have ever done for myself.  You won't be able to eat out for a little while after surgery (have to stick to surgeon's diet plan), but I eat out on a regular and usually share meals with my husband.  Oh, and by the way, I have been married for almost 20 years and hopefully am not planning a divorce anytime soon.  Don't let others *****ally do not understand your struggles influence your decision.  Good luck to you."

The only regret I have about the surgery is not doing it sooner.  Don't let this be your regret.  Good luck to you.

I can relate to your feelings and frustrations.  I waited until I was in my 60's and weighed 385 pounds before I got the courage to do the surgery.  I am so glad I did it.  I would have been happy just to be under 300 pounds again.  When I saw posts of people getting to one-derland, I would think - you'll never get there.  But I did.  In fact I lost 98% of my excess body weight.  I'm now 160 pounds and a normal BMI. 

You can do it too.  The surgery is not magic.  You have to commit to following the rules.  But the surgery makes it possible.  You can do it!

Most people come thru the surgery very well.  A small number have complications, and even they will say that it was worth it.  Most likely, you will do great and you'll love the results.

Best wishes,

Carol

Thanks you all so much for your replies and words of wisdom. 

Ive been looking into surgery since 2012 and things never seem to line up. I want the surgery and don't have the money or I have the money and now too scared to get it. I'm so nervous. My husband is 100% on board, but I'm getting the usual comments from people whom I highly respect and value their opinions. I have a problem with being a people pleaser and wanting people to be proud and not disappointed in me. I've talked to doctors and was on the schedule to have Lapband and was doing my pre op work the day before my surgery when they called and told me I was pregnant. I guess that was a blessing seeing now that Lapband is being phased out and the sleeve is the way to go. Now 3 children later I'm more fearful of having the surgery. I value life a little more. I say that to people and they tell me if I value life more I should stop eating so much and such bad things. It's gotten to the point I don't try anymore. I'm 300lbs and if I get to 600lbs so be it. I'm tired of failing at diets and being on one since I was 12 (I'm 30 now). I guess I'm rambling now and I'm not even really sure what I'm expecting to get out of this post. I guess I just need to talk and get things off my chest. If you've made it this far thanks for sticking with me.

I would have a hard time admiring and respecting ppl, who, through their ignorance, we're trying to keep me from having a life saving surgery. If it was your heart that needed surgery, would they tell you not to? 

Why is the opinion of these ppl more important than the opinion of your husband who, apparently wants the best for you?

in this day and time, you are more likely to die in a car wreck one block from your home than you are to die in a controlled surgery setting. 

Maybe it is ok for you to be 600# for yourself but what about how your children will feel, as they grow up. I was embarrassed for my children when I weighed 250#. I would not have wanted to inflict my being 600# on them. 

I also did not want my husband and childten to be my ", nurse",wiping my butt cause I couldn't , bringing me every fast food meal I ate to my bed, cause I couldn't get to the table. 

Honestly, and seriously, I don't understand how that scenario would be ok for anyone, if they had the means to change it.

Hi, I echo what everyone else has so eloquently stated already. One thing that helped me make my decision to go ahead with VSG was watching TLC's show "My 600 lb life". I watched that show and saw my future if I didn't change... and it helped to clarify what was a real fear and what was unimportant. Love yourself enough to do (what you probably in your heart you know what you NEED to do) NOW. You will never be younger or more capable of tolerating the surgery than you are right now. Let go of those naysayer's opinions and help yourself. Believe me, those people will be falling over themselves telling you how great you look in a few months!

You need to learn to put yourself first and stop trying to please other people. The people pleasing helped get you to 300 pounds.

I wanted to be healthy so I could help raise my kids to adulthood. I did not want anyone else doing so. I also did not want my kids made fun of for having the fattest mom in the class. Kids have enough to deal with without us parents adding to their plate.

Let me keep this short: it works/ the surgery isn't that long/you will have quick results /go for it before you get any heavier/ do this for yourself and your family/ you will be a success!!

I started my first diet when I was 14, and I struggled with them and my weight until march 16th, 2016. The first time I looked into the possibility of having a VSG was either in 2011 or 2012, I was weighing 350ish back then. For the four years after that my weight was a roller coaster tied to my emotions and how busy I was. I went all the way down to 298 and then all the way back up and past to 425. Here's a list (off the top of my head) of weight loss diets I tried between ages 14 and 27:

1) Jenny Craig (great people, excellent program, bad patient)

2) South Beach (this actually got me the lowest I'd ever gotten)

3) Joe Rogan's Juicing Diet (most energetic I've ever been in my life, might try to stick some of these into my post-op diets eventually)

4) Atkin's

5) Weigh****chers

6) 8 different nutritionists throughout 13 years

Right now I'm 2 weeks into my VSG, usually when I was dieting this would be one of the moments where I'd broken the diet once or twice and 2 weeks was sometimes a defining point since I'd been struggling with it for what felt like so long. I've felt 0 anxiety since I had my surgery done. I feel no hunger, at the start I was actually having trouble swallowing down 1.25oz of liquids every 20 minutes. I've had ONE single episode where I felt like I wanted to eat something and it was when I got frustrated at something that didn't go as planned and I wanted to turn to my usual coping mechanism (ignore the problem, eat a lot, feel better, forget the problem, move on). This is NOTHING like dieting, it's a complete change in your lifestyle and what your body demands from you.

As for safety fears, VSG is about as dangerous as getting a cholecystectomy, there's always danger in surgery, but it's highly unlikely that anything bad's gonna happen. Is the post-op process bad? About two or three times worse than the worse hangover you've had in your life, but God willing it'll last roundabout as long as that did(30-40 hours max). What follows? The best months of your life as you watch your weight go down seemingly effortlessly compared to all the other diet's you'd done before.

So my question here is not why get the surgery, but why not? What is it exactly that's holding you back? In my case I was afraid of surgery in general and felt like getting the VSG was in itself admitting defeat to my "weight loss career", like cheating to get ahead. Not to mention I was scared that I'd never be able to eat again. All three of these are bogus.

The first and strongest one was sent packing when I had to get, wouldn't ya know it, a laparoscopic cholecystectomy and realized how simple the process and recovery was.

The second when I realized that I couldn't do this on my own, I was getting fatter and fatter and reached a point where I couldn't walk 3 minutes without back pain, I couldn't stand too long without feeling like crap, just moving around made me start sweating and there were parts of my body I couldn't reach without help from instruments to maintain my own hygiene. Not to mention I was always wearing the same 3 shirts and 1 pant 'cause it was all that would fit me. I felt horrible about myself which just drove me to eat more. I live alone so I would order in twice a day every day for the last 5 or so months before the surgery. My regular orders got to the point where they were enough to feed four people. I had to accept I needed help, and this wasn't a competition or a game, it was my life. Once the serious markers started showing up, like the fact that I started having blood pressure issues show up, I knew what I had to do.

The third was trivial, but it went away once I talked to a few people who had been through the procedure and my surgeons and learned how this really works. VSGers live a completely normal life and after a while it's like nothing ever happened except for the fact that they're now lean, mean and healthy.

If there's anything I can do to help you through this decision please let me know. I've only just begun my VSG journey, but I can tell from the beginning that this is completely different from the others, this is the one. This isn't a diet, I've managed to do what I always wanted, I've changed my lifestyle for the better and there's no going back.

It took me 2 years to decide to have surgery too!  I was going to do lapband than I kept putting it off reading more and on and on. Than I found another dr and researched WLS almost daily and knew the sleeve was the way to go for me. I discussed with dr. and had to do the 6 months monitored weight loss for my insurance co. to cover the surgery so by the time I had surgery I was able to ponder over my decision for a total of 3 years!  WOW time flies... I had my VSG on 2/10/2016 and I'm sooo super happy that I did this and super glad its over! I was sooo scared to have it and I did great no complications, I'm 44 and in good health so I wanted to do it when I was kinda younger and in good health lol 44 kinda young that's funny.. but I feel great now its the best decision that I could of made for MYSELF! I have a hubby of 20 years and 2 kids age 11 and 15 and yes I was super worried before surgery that is normal!  But the surgery was easy, the 2 days in the hospital I'm not gonna lie kinda sucked but when I got home I felt good! and did my walking and drinking!..... make sure to walk walk walk. I've lost 60 pounds with the pre and post!