Trying to decide

Ive been looking into surgery since 2012 and things never seem to line up. I want the surgery and don't have the money or I have the money and now too scared to get it. I'm so nervous. My husband is 100% on board, but I'm getting the usual comments from people whom I highly respect and value their opinions. I have a problem with being a people pleaser and wanting people to be proud and not disappointed in me. I've talked to doctors and was on the schedule to have Lapband and was doing my pre op work the day before my surgery when they called and told me I was pregnant. I guess that was a blessing seeing now that Lapband is being phased out and the sleeve is the way to go. Now 3 children later I'm more fearful of having the surgery. I value life a little more. I say that to people and they tell me if I value life more I should stop eating so much and such bad things. It's gotten to the point I don't try anymore. I'm 300lbs and if I get to 600lbs so be it. I'm tired of failing at diets and being on one since I was 12 (I'm 30 now). I guess I'm rambling now and I'm not even really sure what I'm expecting to get out of this post. I guess I just need to talk and get things off my chest. If you've made it this far thanks for sticking with me.

You have just identifed 3 reasons you need surgery : child #1; child #2; child #3... 4 if you count child #4 (yourself).

It took me 2 years to decide I truly wanted to have surgery, it's so normal to have doubts and fears. Also with 3 beautiful children being there for them is so important!

But it doesn't matter what I think or what others think. What in all seriousness in your opinion is worse for them? If you have surgery and pass away (very small chance of that happening seriously low low numbers of death) or (more likely) have surgery and have to let your husband step up to help more while you recover and then have to eat differently than them (depending on how you can modify your family meals to be WLS friendly maybe not that different) and living to see them graduate high school, get married and have their own beautiful babies?

Being on a diet? No you won't "diet" but it won't be like how you ate before. You can't just eat less of what you eat now. Fast Food? No. Pizza? No. Candy/cakes/cookies/sugar? No. Maybe very very very seldom.

With VSG protein has to come first, you need to meet or preferably exceed your minimum daily protein goal set by your surgeon's dietary program/guidelines which very well could mean you have a protein shake every day, you have to drink water and stay hydrated and get minimum 64oz of water in a day but never drink during or at least 30 minutes before or after meals, you will have to take in a much lower  amount of carbs than you most like do now, you will have to give up things like soda and sugary juices and alcohol because it's too easy to drink calories and not lose weight, your thoughts about food will have to change drastically and it's a day by day struggle for a lot of us, you may need therapy or to go to Over eaters Anonymous. You will need to be more active, some people choose not to work out in a gym like setting but at least moving/walking more is highly recommended. 

I'm not saying any of this to be mean, I just want you to understand your life and food will change drastically. I'm not even 15 weeks out and I struggle in lots of ways but I keep pushing through And please understand I'd have the surgery once a year if it meant feeling how I do.

I like to get sweaty and exercise (mostly hiking) now, I weight less now than when I graduated high school 10 years ago, and almost wear a smaller size in pants; I'm super close to size 16s, I can sleep better, I can breathe better, I am starting to like how I look naked again, I'll be healthy enough to have my own babies in another 1-2 years, my body doesn't hurt the way it used to now, I got to give away all my bigger clothes for what I now is the last time now, I'm proud of myself now, I love eating healthy now, I don't rely on caffeine to wake me up, I love myself now, because I am stronger than yesterday and the day before. But these are my reasons, and you have to have your own.

Whatever you decide, is the right decision for you, but my vote is have surgery. Live to be a great grandma, live to be married to your husband who loves and supports you for many years, live to enjoy the beauty that exists in this world.  

What an honest and comprehensive response to the previous post.  I could have written 99 percent of what you said, and it just reinforced all of my reasons for surgery.

I'm 59, way older than 30, but I want to be here for my grandchildren, and want to be able to keep up with them.  I used to sit on the sidelines and watch everything going on around me, with excuse after excuse for why I wasn't participating.  I would give anything to go back and be thinner when my kids were growing up.  My husband did most of the "fun" stuff because I just couldn't do it.  Now my husband, kids and I are hiking and walking in 10Ks and 5Ks.  It's been a blast and I plan on everything just getting better and better.  

My life rocks!!!!!!

I just read this beautiful post from you and I just cried. your absolutely right about everything and because of this post I'm going to be calling my doctor on Monday to start my journey again. I stopped doing it because I was scared and I was getting the lap-band and wasn't to sure about it. But now reading this and doing all my research I think I'm ready. Thank you.

What you're feeling is totally normal, but the if I get to 600lb so be it part, do you really want to get to that weight & all the problems with it? Probably not. One thing you have to look at is not just the weight loss, but the quality of your life. Being young even with the weight you might be able to keep up with the kids, that totally changes as you get up in age/weight.

Do think long & hard if you want this surgery & the reasons why you want it. It might help bring down the fear level a little bit, & a little bit of fear is normal. Think more on it, will fear of the surgery outweigh the possibility of a better life?

I had the vsg & am happy with my choice. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

One of the hardest parts to overcome for some is that idea of being a people pleaser, and getting talked out of it. Don't let that happen. My husband talked me out of my initial attempt to go in for an RNY. By the time I went in a few years later for the Vsg I was determined due to cancer being diagnosed and really needing to turn my health around. Don't wait for some dehabilitating health issue to pop up before you pursue this. It is so hard to describe how it completely turns your life around- not just improving dramatically your health, but getting off the sidelines and feeling great. More confidence, more physical activity, and a huge improvement in life quality. Your kids deserve that. You really deserve that too. Find a way to make it happen. 6 months after surgery your life will be crazy improved for you and your family. 

First of all..........stop asking everyone! The only important people are your husband, your children, yourself and your doctor.......your husband is 100% on board...........THAT is the best of all. Your children NEED their mother. Your doctor is the best advisor. My Dad used to say that opinions are like ******** (please excuse the profanity), everybody has one.  All the wanna be doctors may think they are helping you, but they aren't.  The simple fact that they are telling you to stop eating so much and you'll lose the weight, is clearly an example of how little they know. If we could all do that on our own, none of us would have a weight issue.

I had a lapband done 10 years ago and now I'm revising to the sleeve in June. Four people know.....my doctor, my brother, my best friend and my significant other. NO ONE else!!! Not even my children (of course, they aren't children, but you get the picture). I don't need people judging me, watching everything that goes on my fork or sniping at me on the off chance that I don't lose as quickly as they think I should. Most people don't even know that I have a band - well, I don't have it anymore, it came out last week.

So, take a step back and count the reasons you SHOULD have the surgery.....I'm sure there are many

Count the reasons you WANT to have the surgery ...I'm sure there are also many.

Evaluate the reasons NOT to have the surgery. If the basic reason is that your scared.....join the crowd.....we're ALL scared.

As to being a people pleaser, sweetheart, there is only ONE person you have to please....YOU!!!!!

Now, you're 30, God willing, you have a long life ahead of you...live it in the most healthy way possible. I'm 70 and intend to stay around a whole lot longer and I want to do it thinner. Am I scared? You bet I am. I'm at that age, but I'm going to go for it!

Talk to your doctor and let him (or her) know that you have fears. Let the doctor put those fears to rest. Go out and live your life and enjoy it - do NOT let the whole world know what your doing - it's your body, your peace of mind and your health. Do what's best for you!

Okay....that's enough of my rant........

Hello- I second all the things that have been said above and I also want to add a bit about the comments  "if you value life you would stop eating so much" etc. people truly do not understand the nature of addiction.  Or some don't see food addiction as a real thing.  Those people are just plain wrong!   I just had my VSG Jan 25 so I am 2 months post-op.  I am 60 and have tried every diet more than once....lost the weight and gained it back Plus more....over and over and over.  I had also reached the point of "if I get to 600 so be it" but my world was shrinkng.  My dad used to say we need to get busy living or get busy dying.  I had been doing the latter and I choose now to get busy living.  The ONLY thing that allowed that is VSG.  It's early days for me but here is the difference.  I CAN'T eat what I did before....even if I want to...I CANNOT physically do it.  And that alone gives me a chance to become normal size again.  so for this bit of time I am letting that physical restriction give me FREEDOM from overeating.  Once it is a habit....and I love living in that body....I get a second chance at life.  To fit in an airplane seat.  To not be the biggest gal in the room.  To participate rather than watching from the sidelines.  Already....just 2 months out....I would absolutely do it again!  Because I love having to remind myself to eat!  I love actually TASTING every bite I take.  And I love watching the pounds drop off.  I was tired of failing as well.....but with my VSG it's an interesting dichotomy:  I have no option....and that gives me freedom.

I made this choice ultimately for health, though I had researched surgery for years.  The VSG seemed to eliminate the side effects of other surgeries.  Though I yo-yo dieted my whole lifetime and it used to be for looks, my motivation this time was to lower my blood pressure which wasn't fully controlled and to avoid the diabetes that seemed to be coming (I was pre-diabetic). Though smaller clothes will be nice too.