Normies

Similar to other times on this board, there are posts from people who are struggling with the thought of never being 'normal'.  pre ops wonder if it's possible to eat normally after surgery, new post ops long for the day they can eat normally and people further out who are dealing with regain ask for strategies to eat normally while losing weight.  Deep down, I suspect we all know we can never eat like 'normies' do, but by nature of our affliction/addiction, our attempts at denial run deep. Surely there's a way around this, isn't there?

We stare with envy as we watch the normies in our lives gobble down second helpings and endless desserts at every social occasion. They do it with gusto and no consequence to their waistlines too. We ask ourselves how is this possible?  

I don't know about you, but I've spent a lot of time observing normal eaters to try and figure that out!  My husband is a normie - a food lover who is naturally tall and slim.  He knows absolutely nothing about nutrition or calorie counts, but he remains slim, even as he ages.  I've spent a lot of time watching how he handles food over the last 30 years, and 'tested' to see if other normies do the same. Here's what I see :-)

Their best kept secret is that they restrict their food intake. Some do it consciously - just like I do in maintenance - by restricting calories and cutting back at times they need to lose a few pounds.  But many of them cut back seemingly without thought or planning. Unconsciously? Maybe sometimes.  And maybe their bodies don't send hunger signals at times, which means they just eat a few bites and turn away.  Or they forget to eat at all!  What's up with that??? I don't recall a single time in my entire life that I forgot to eat.  Even when I've been sick. If I can't eat then, I'm merely putting in time until I can tolerate something. And it's still hard for me to put the fork down before I finish my serving. 

I guess the point I want to make is these things do not come naturally to me or likely to many of us who are or have been morbidly obese.  We require conscious thought and much more effort to control our food than normies do. We are different and we likely always will be. That means we have to make choices and use strategies that normies don't necessarily need to control the type and amount of food they take in.

By comparison, my husband has been in recovery from alcoholism for many years. Although I've not struggled with this addiction, I drank copious amounts of booze in my teens and as a young adult.  So did my husband. Someone looking at us may have thought we looked 'the same', but we actually were nothing alike. My husband and I have compared notes, so to speak. While I could leave the party and forget about it until next time, my husband was inventing new occasions to drink and secretly drinking more during those occasions. Eventually, he secretly drank when there was no occasion ..... So he had to stop.

Sound familiar?  It certainly does to me!  Bottom line is that normies avoid and/or restrict too, but I can't do it with the inherent ease that they can. It takes effort. Angst around this reality comes when I can't accept that I am and will always be different. When I have acceptance, I am at peace. 

Amen sister!

     This !  Another place this issue arises is determining TDEE (total daily energy expenditure). All of those charts and tables are NOT for formerly obese individuals.  We never can ignore the fact that we are in recovery/remission from obesity.  Like it or not, that's the truth.

     Knowledge is power. I am confident that we can all get to our goals, and maintain at that goal.

Oh, I like your new pic. I just noticed it!

I wish I had curl to my hair so I could wear it like you do.  My hair is stick straight and looks terrible when it is super short, but I've always wanted it that way.  Great picture!

Thanks for this great post!  I needed this today.

This is a fantastic, fantastic, fantastic post. Really nice.

A lot of us hold on to this myth that "normies" can eat whatever they want and never gain weight. It really just isn't true. There is no magic, no secret, no fickle finger of fate that made us fat and them skinny. We ate wayyyy more than they did.

Sure, we see skinny folks eat like pigs once in a while. But as you point out, it's one snapshot of a much bigger picture.

I'll never be normal. I'm not even sure what it means. But I now have something that works, and I'm going to keep on working it. And when it stops, I'll find what works after that.

all my normal - skinny friends my age are very careful what they eat ,how much or how often...

some do that naturally...other - have to work on it they just so used to do that that it looks like an effortless task. 

My BF- he eats 2 times a day most of the time.. He may have a slice or 2 of cheese in the morning... he does not snack. He does not want "seconds".. unless it is pizza... (one a month)... he walks ... he often does not eat dessert - even if there is one... he does not drink a lot of alcohol.. maybe a beer or 2 during a week..

some days he eats less than I do... and he is a tall guy...  

any of my "normal" friends who do not follow that type of eating - are MO or SMO...  and have lots of excuses why they do as they do it...