Feeling super down/lost/depressed

Yep, we were both upset last time. I honestly wasn't attacking or accusing then either, but this really isn't about me and I don't want to make it about me. We're all concerned about you and rooting for you.

I sincerely wish you the best, and I hope you get not only what you need, but even what you simply desire.

Just because you take meds doesn't mean you are on the rights meds or at the right dose. Psych meds need to be tweaked. Who are you seeing for med management?  You really need to see a psychiatrist asap. The right med ****tail can make all the difference.  I will echo a previous poster, if you are feeling unsafe please call 911 or head to your nearest ER.  

Flo I am seeing my gp for med management but I will be figuring something out soon to see someone more specialized, I am going to look into Julie's advice and see if I can find a psych NP. Don't worry I would never hurt myself, I lost my favorite aunt when she took her own life last year and it still haunts me. I could never hurt my family that way. Thank you for your reply I appreciate the support. Have a great day!

I agree with the other posters in that you shouldn't take no for an answer & you should get your meds adjusted. I'll also add, stop beating yourself up. You've made progress & you're facing a major, or rather a few major obstacles in your way & hopefully you'll make it past them & can look back at this as a distant memory.

I can understand that a therapist is pricey & you can't afford one. Gwen Mo had posted a great post awhile back that gave other alternatives for people who couldn't afford therapy. It had a bunch of links, including OA, which is free & some sessions I heard can also be done online. 

http://link.greatist.com/5568c025e36ee9f02d8b45715568c015897 e2cdb278b45f8/VSvku8PoN9OXrNBuAd02e

I think this is the original link, its on the greatist website.

I hope you can get the help you need.

T, thank you for the links I will check them out. I will be pushing for a change in meds or for the conversation to at least go a bit further than "no your meds are fine". I don't mean to beat myself, it's just in my nature and I am working on the self hate/mean spirit in which I talk to and think about myself. I always appreciate your replies, thank you. Have a great day!

From personal experience, I've found that you have to be careful when taking anxiety meds because they can actually cause worse anxiety.  That's what happened to me with Ativan.  Also, I experienced depression AFTER I hit my weight loss goal for two reasons, one I no longer had the 'high' from constantly losing weight, and I also no longer was able to use food as a coping mechanism.  Just some general things to consider.

Guy (first of all great username I love Ray Bradbury and Fahrenheit 451 is probably my favorite piece of his) I know meds can make things worse. I am working on finding therapy or a support group so I can work through my food issues. I appreciate you took the time to respond and share your personal information. Have a great day!

This is blanket response because right now my mind is spinning and I need to get this out and then sleep, but I will individually reply tomorrow to each and every one of you. Sorry I said psychologist, I meant psychiatrist every time I put psychologist my mind has just been spinning all day. My primary is handling my med management for the time because with the loss of coverage on my insurance (and the price every paycheck went up, oh joy) that's the only doctor I can afford to see other than the surgeon who I luckily don't have to see that much because those bills for the appointments this year are staggering. My surgeon's office has a councilor but I don't think she is a psychiatrist, but I will call and check tomorrow. No matter how down I get I would never hurt my family by taking my own life, my favorite aunt did that last year and I still cry at least a few times a week when I think of her, it was shocking when it happened and I don't know how many years it will take to recover from it. Maybe I never will. I know God is with me and I know I can make it, I don't mean to be a burden (because that is how I feel) and I appreciate everyone that has been so sweet. I'll get more specific tomorrow for tonight I just pray I don't have work dreams or food dreams, in fact just no dreams unless they are of my lovely boyfriend cuddling me please and thanks brain.

Kelly,

You are not a burden. (Really! You. Are. Not. A. Burden.) I have dealt with depression and anxiety all of my life (since I can remember) and what you have voiced sounds like what I have felt many times over in my life. I agree with what folks are saying about an adjustment in meds, and I agree that you need to find someone other than the person who said you would only blow out your VSG if you got one, so don't get one -- run away from that person! There must be someone else you can see.

The change in your relationship with food may be causing you to feel emotions that you have previously kept stuffed down. I SO wish that you could get counseling, because I think that if you have used food as a crutch, counseling would help figure out why you did this and would help you through the process of dealing with your emotions. (I am anticipating this myself, as my surgery is next week, and it's part of the recovery process that's frightening, but I have support lined up.) 

In addition to the other advice you have been given, I'd like to suggest mindfullness. Staying in the present moment. Do not worry about tomorrow, do not dwell on yesterday, think only about the here and now. You can't do this all of the time, but start with short sessions and try to expand the time you can stay present. I don't have a good article reference for you - sorry - but look it up. (1) The less you rehash things that are over, that you can't do anything about anyway, the better. (2) Don't borrow problems from tomorrow. Deal with what you have today, and let tomorrow wait. 

You are not crazy. You are not alone. Things do get better. Be gentle with yourself. -- Best, Mary

Mary thank you, because I think when someone has felt or feels the same way as you, the words ring truer because they know what you are going through. I know in a broad sense I am not a burden, but hear it enough through your life or be told things which make you feel that way really dig into your self conscious. 

I'm seeking local support groups, OA, etc I just need to wait until next month so I know what my shift at work is going to be for the next year so I can figure out where it will go in my schedule.

I know I need to stop borrowing troubles from tomorrow, and let go of the past, I do, and I try so hard. But that is what my anxiety does to me I either spend an hour thinking about a stupid thing I said at work 6 months ago that I shouldn't have or worry about what will be happening 10 months from now, staying in the present is a skill I am working on and I am better than I used to be, I'm just not there quite yet.

Thank you so much for your sweet reply, it was very appreciated, have a great day!