Overreacting or unsupportive?

Hey all just an opinion question for you lovelies. Yesterday my mom invited over to visit and for dinner. I told her I would come but would be bringing my own food. She was making chicken noodle soup with her homemade noodles which I love but the carbs from those noodles oh man and the soup isn't worth it to me without the noodles. Also I find it hard to track food other people make from scratch because I wasn't there when it was prepared and my mom cooks by sight/feel/experience not recipes so things are not precisely measured where she could tell me how much of an ingredient was used.

I had already pre-planned my eating that day which I do pretty often in my fitness pal usually the night before so I know where I will be at for the day. My mom (who I love oodles and am not trying to say bad things about) got a bit offended and said she could change the menu and make chicken wings so got from Costco which were low carb (1 carb for 3 wings) if I wanted, but she had already spent all day making soup so I told her no and that I would just bring my own food because I had calculated all my protein and fat and carbs and sodium for the day and I just wanted to stick to those numbers. I explained why it is important for my weight loss and peace of mind to stick to the foods I planned.

Am I being too rigid? Should I let more stuff like that go and just have eaten the wings she offered to make? Or was she being a bit not understanding/unsupportive? I have been known to be overly sensitive so I want an outsiders perspective. She did not speak to me rudely just more puzzled and slightly annoyed/confused more like a tone your parents take when they think you're being difficult or stubborn which I have also been known to be. So her and my grandpa had her soup and I had chicken and a string cheese and I did have one brussle sprout (that was a side with their soup) with a tiny bit of butter because they are my favorite veggie and I felt like that was something healthy I could have and still be joining in a small way in what she cooked and it did not change my stats insanely for the day so it was a compromise to me. 

I think it's hard for people to not equate love with food.  My mom lives with me and it took her a while to come to terms that food wasn't "something she could do for me".  I totally understand why you didn't eat the soup, I wouldn't have either for the same reasons.  I still bring my food if I'm unsure of what will be served and no one has gotten upset (that I know of!).

Mom will come around and next time you go over, it will be easier :)

I was rigid like that when I was in my losing phase. I am sure it is the main reason I got to goal and am still here 7 years later.

She probably was not really offended.  She wants the best for you.  Gently educating her about your new eating style will help her plan for next time. Hopefully she will rise to the challenge and be more of a partner to you on this journey.

It sounds like your mom is not up to speed about your new life. If she is willing to learn about how you must eat, then supply her with as much info as you can. It's hard for parents (no matter what the age of the "child") to back off from the things they used to do to make their kids feel special, and a lot of those things involve unhealthy foods.

If she doesn't want to change how she prepares food for you, then you have to be firm and stick to your guns. As you get slimmer and healthier, she will almost certainly applaud what you're doing and help you. If she doesn't, then Mom has more serious problems than figuring out what to fix you for dinner. Either way, don't compromise your health to placate your mom, or anyone else.

psychoticparrot

I don't know your mom, but it seems like she was trying to be very supportive. Chicken noodle soup is typically a lower calorie option, although I totally get why you skipped it. She also offered wings in an attempt to provide something that was on plan. Try to remember you are up to your eyeballs in adjusting your food, researching food choices, planning food choices, etc.  She isn't. She won't be as informed, but that doesn't mean she is not trying to be supportive. She will get used to you bringing food if that is the way that will work for you. You are not being rigid, instead I feel like you are trying to train your new habits :) Just make part of that training a plan of how you will handle falling off the wagon, as most of us do every so often and getting back on track is far more important that the slip up. 

Your focus is commendable and your mom's reaction was totally normal. She will come around. It takes time for those around us to adjust. Just keep that laser focus even when there are a few bumps along the way. I'm glad you were able to look beyond yourself and get an outside opinion. That will help you on this journey a lot! 

My mother in law was like that when I would bring food to her house for a long, long time. In my opinion, now is the time to put yourself first and not care about her feelings (in this case). I mean, I'm sure she just wants to help... But you have explained to her why you want to bring your own food and that should be all you have to say. Beyond that, it is her problem!

I appreciate everyone's comments so much! Thank you for letting me know I am not being too rigid because I had an eating disorder at one point in my life I don't want to become obsessed so I am working with my therapist about how much control is too much so I do plan on discussing this situation with her.

I know my mom wants to care for me as I am her only child and her and my dad are divorced and she is single so I am what remains of her little personal family (we have a huge extended family so she is never alone) and I know she is my number one supporter. Her and my grandpa spent all day yesterday telling me how great I look and my grandpa kept saying how he was going to have to chase boys off before long (me and my grandpa are very close) and that he wanted to get me pepper spray to carry on me now.

My mom does equate food with love she used to cook for me every day when we lived together and would often bring me breakfast in bed, or make my favorites special for me even if she didn't like them and I think she is learning to adjust.

My gift for Valentines was a Costco box of the coconut milk I use so she is getting it because previously it would have been massive amounts of candy and treats. She understands how to eat lower carb as that is how she loses her "winter weight" as she calls it every spring to get back into her summer clothes.

I think she is still just adjusting and for that matter my dad is too, he wanted me to come out and have a few beers with him and play darts and I had to gently remind him I don't drink anymore (partly personal choice I don't like who I am when I drink and alcoholism runs in one side of my family and partly because of carbs/cals that are unnecessary), but I would come play darts with him which is what I did and I just drank water while I was there and enjoyed his company.

He offered to buy me a lower cal drink like vodka or southern comfort and lime (a former personal favorite) but I just politely declined and changed the subject. He was also very impressed with my weight loss (since he hasn't seen me since Christmas and I had dropped about 25lbs since then he was surprised) and asked me all sorts of questions about how much I eat how many cals/carbs/grams of fat and protein and what I am doing for exercise. He was concerned about how little calories I get because I keep it under 700 a day max but I explained that all the protein I get 75-90 grams on average a day that keeps my body from cannibalizing my muscle tissue and that the less than 30 carbs I get a day are brain fuel and I showed him a picture I took holding all my vitamins that I take and he seemed satisfied with that. 

Keep at it, for me the social side is hard.  Family meals to work place lunches always need some negotiations it seems.  But it's very important to stick to your own goals, a few slips here or there and those goals might get harder to remember.  I know your mom understands.  Funny story my husband's mom knew that for a whole year we were vegetarian and even went out her way for making Christmas dinner that had some veggie centric options.  But in our Christams socks were gift cards to In and Out Burgers!! Lol moms try hard but sometimes just forget.