Personal blame/shame

Hi all. I'm just needing support right now. I appreciate tough love usually, but I am emotionally beat up (by myself) so please be kind this one time for me.

I've stalled/went up a pound on the scale. This Thursday (1/14/16) I will be a month out from my VSG surgery and I've only lost 17 lbs. I'm not saying that is bad or trying to complain and I know it's bad to compare experiences with weight loss rate but I can't help it. I have a friend who had her surgery 4 weeks before mine and she lost 25 lbs in just the first two weeks out. And a friend who has lost 30 pounds and her surgery was 4 days after mine, we all work together so of course we discuss it.

I just feel so ashamed, like a failure, like maybe I am being too lazy (I walk for 45 minutes a day 5 days a week and average about 2-3 miles during that time according to my iPhone) or maybe I am eating to much (average 600-800 cals a day but usually closer to 600) or maybe my body is fighting the weight loss like it had done every other time I've tried to loss weight.

I haven't been naughty or cheated I don't even have sugar free sweets because they make me crave food. I keep my carbs below 60 grams a day and multiple days a week they are as low as 25. I've hit my protein goal every day since about 10 days out from surgery. I get my 64 oz of water in every day I even cut out crystal lite because of the extra calories, and I always get in my vitamins first thing with breakfast.

I don't know why my loss is so much less. I know I need to muster through, but I see almost no physical change and I am getting so discouraged like maybe I made the wrong choice. 

Just as an example of a typical day's food: I will have half of a Dannon Oikos Triple Zero in toasted coconut flavor for breakfast, either 1/4 cup of fat free refried beans with a sprinkle if cheese (tablespoon size) melted on top OR I will have 1 oz of lite deli oven roasted turkey and a 1 oz lite string cheese OR 1.5 oz canned salmon with .5 oz of avocado to make it like salmon salad because I hate mayo. Depending on what I have for lunch I rotate to one of the other above mentioned options for dinner. I sip a protein shake through-out the day and depending on where my protein in for the day I might have 2 servings of the protein powder because I like to exceed my protein goal. If I have an extra hungry day I might have a second  string cheese or two as a snack. 

I have put away my scale where it is annoying to have to get so I am not tempted to weigh every day, I weigh once a week and record it and I am going my physical, inches lost measurements once a month. 

First you must acknowledge that you lost over 20 pounds before surgery. That alone can make a difference in the rate at which you lose post op. You're right, too, about not comparing yourself to others. I know it's hard, but you really must stop. I was a slow loser for a guy. I lost 23 pounds my first month (only a few pounds more than you), but my rate ended up being fairly steady from month 2. Your body will let go of the weight as it sees fit. You can do nothing about the rate at which you lose. What you can control is what you put in your mouth. So let's look at that. 

In my opinion, your "typical" day as you posted is carb heavy and higher fat than I would have eaten at your stage. You are eating a lot of dairy (high carb) including cheese (fat). Now, you have to do what works for you, but if you want to lose more weight here's my advice:

1. Focus on lean proteins first. That means natural, unprocessed meats as much as possible once you're off the soft food stage. For now, stick to more deli meats, eggs, and moist meat like skinless chicken thigh. 
2. Carbs must be under 40 grams per day. that's the only way to stay in ketosis, which you want - you'll burn way more fat.
3. Make a shake your morning meal. Make it at least 20 grams of protein and no more than 3-5 carbs. It should also be roughly 120 calories. Start using Almond milk for your shakes rather than soy or regular milk. 
4. Drink two shakes a day to get your protein and make your lunch and dinner small and protein heavy. 
5. IMO, calories at your stage should be 450-600 tops. I didn't get to 600 until I was 6 weeks out. You've got plenty of fat to fuel you during weight loss. Don't buy into the whole starvation mode garbage. You don't need many calories at all right now. 
6. You mention drinking water and getting at least 64 oz every day. That is fantastic! Are you able to get even more? It will help you release weight (excess fat is excreted in your urine). 

Take a deep breath. Relax. You are on your own path. Your journey will be different from every other person. Accept that. Rejoice in the progress you are making and strive to and expect yourself do your very best each day and do your best. That is all you can ask. 

Kairk, first off thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. You are very understanding from all the replies I read of yours and I'm always happy when you reply to my posts. Second I will definitely take these changes under very serious/heavy advisement. I can cut out fat and carbs if I need to, I am technically on puree' one more week but my food progression is also up to me and how I feel/tolerate foods (and my stomach has been very tolerant when I introduce foods) so I think I will go to the grocery store tomorrow and get more thin sliced deli meat (I'm out) and eggs because I used the last of what I had. Shakes are hard for me as they make me gag after doing so many on my pre-op liquid diet and post op liquid, but I guess I will gag them down and remind myself it is for a purpose. I sincerely appreciate you coming from a place of gentleness and calmness. I honestly have been near tears all day (at work) and could not have taken a verbal thrashing without the 'dam busting' so to speak. Is my canned salmon still an okay option? It's only one gram of fat per serving but 13 grams of protein and 0 carbs. I'm really a fish/seafood/water creature food person, like really more than any other kind of meat. I will do turkey and chicken if I must. 

Fish and seafood are fantastic options for you!  Nothing wrong with the canned salmon at all. 

Thank you Tracy!

Like Tracy said, fish and seafood are great options! 

The oil in your salmon is an excellent source of Omegas. That little bit of fat is not bad and we have to consider nutrition as well as total calories per day. Good you like fish as " it likes you". Hang in there you will lose the weight and fastest is not always best!

^^^ I can't do it better than this guy - I will just double down on everything he told you 

Kelly, I wouldn't beat up on yourself all that much. I am 8 weeks post op and about week 4 or so I hit a stall for 9 days and it was absolutely aggravating. I wanted to shoot my scale because I was convinced it was lying to me and then laughing at me as I walked away. Your body is still recovering from major surgery and as such you body is still pissed off at you for what was done to it. It is also still adapting to the new signals your body is signaling. I wouldn't stress about it. From what I read about stalls is there is a typical stall of some duration in the week 3 to 5 post op. Some lasts for a few days some lasted over a month from what I read. Do a forum search for stall, it will go on for pages. With me, it lasted 9 days, my activity hadn't changed, I was still very conscious of what I ate and when, and then the morning of the 10th day after the stall started, I dropped 4 pounds. I was thrilled beyond words can articulate. Some on here state there is no such thing as a stall that soon after having the surgery or that a stall has to last months to be considered a stall. I disagree. If your stall goes past 14 days, I would consult your surgeon. Like said, everyone heals at different rates. I wouldn't worry about it, and I wouldn't suggest you feel like a failure, you took a brave hard step to have the surgery and you did the right thing, nothing in life moves along at the same pace as others, whether it be successes or failures. Hang in there. 8)

Oh, Kelly,

You are being so hard on yourself! You are doing great.  I only lost 21 pounds  my first month, and I went on to lose 225 pounds in 18 months.  Its not about what you lose this month or next.  its about the big picture.  This is a marathon, not a sprint. 

Weight on the scale is affected by so many factors - water retention, hormones, time of month, exercise, etc.  So try not to take the scale number so seriously.   When you exercise, your muscles retain water so it is not unusual to have some weight increase because of the exercise. 

It looks like you are doing everything right.  Try to relax and enjoy the process.  If you are eating less than your body needs, you will be burning fat, no matter what the scale says.

best wishes,

Carol