Worried about friend but trying not to judge

I'm not trying to control her I come from a place of love, honestly. I'm really not getting into their divorce at all that is strictly their business and I don't want details. I was simply speaking with her spouse at work (we all work together) about how she is doing and how she was healing because she's been on short term leave from work and I can only text her so much when I work not just our full time job together but another part time job (which I am thankfully quitting soon) which I was using for surgery related expenses. I'm sorry the font hurts your eyes I updated so it was easier to read.

I have a new mantra I would like to share with you. It might help you...."not my circus, not my monkeys"....take good care of yourself and put your energy into YOU!

Some people are in our lives only to illustrate what not to do.  As others have said, you have no voice in this, unfortunately.  (Do you remember how you felt in the "bad old days" when you went on yet another diet, and someone would say "Should you be eating that?"  My first reaction, internally, was always STFU and MYOB!)

If it's too hard to watch her self-destruct, you may have another decision to make.  Sounds cold, I know, but one of the biggest lessons we learn as we mature is contained the old serenity prayer:  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Kathy, I think that's where I am it is incredibly hard to worry about her with work stress, holiday stress and family stress and my own pending surgery (4 days away). It's not because I don't love her I love her very very much. She is like a sister to me (I don't have any sisters of my own only smelly older brothers lol) and I want her to be happy. She is a beautiful person inside and out and I was always enamored of how beautiful she was even at her high weight and she is so fun and bubbly. To see her the way she is, what limited time I've seen her, and notice the change in demeanor in real life and over text means it must be a drastic change considering how it's hard to discern emotion over text. I've always been the person who takes on other peoples problems and stresses, including things like national tragedies (I was a wreck after the Paris attacks I was weepy for a week) and let's them bog me down (I don't know why) but I know for my own sanity and the success of my sleeve. But I cannot just leave he high and dry, I need to figure out a balance of being there for her and protecting my own emotions.

IMO - let her be.  You need to worry about yourself. Eventhoug she may be yonger - she is an adult. She needs to find her own way. 

I would try to be there for her, but only offer help if she would ask me. 

I have a friend *****gained app 70 lbs... I saw it happening, and tried to help...But beside me being frustrated and worried about her - there was no way she would change what was she doing. The only thing was changed that she stoped hanging around with me - she felt judged... Ugh...  We are back being close, but not as close as we were once.. 

I agree with what the previous posters suggested.  Be there for her and maybe make small talk with her about her diet to ask how things are going.  A support group is also a wonderful idea - maybe that is something that the both of you can attend together.

I am going through the same thing with a friend of mine.  She had her surgery two weeks after me and we are both still on pureed food.  I found out over this weekend from a mutual friend that she put cooked pasta, sauce and some parmesan cheese in a blender and had that for dinner one night because she is "starving".  I was mortified that she would sabotage herself so early in the process, but there is really nothing we can do.  She went through the same six monthly nutrition classes that I did and they drill it into your head about protein first at every meal, along with no pasta, bread or rice for the first 6-9 months.  At the end of the day, she is an adult and has the handouts of what she should and should not eat and she chooses to eat the carbs anyway - so it's on her.