Surgery Doubt!!

I'm having trouble swallowing my surgery doubt! My surgery is Wednesday and I know with every ounce of me that I've made the right choice but the fear is very real. No matter how much I talk myself up the doubt is eating away at the confidence in my choice. I've tried everything else and I really feel like this is what I need to do but all I keep thinking is if something goes wrong and I leave my kids without a Mom then it's my choice that did that to them. I know taking care of myself is part of taking care of them but at the same time it's better to have a fat Mom who feels bad a lot than to not have one at all. I guess part of my problem is that I never put myself first but how am I suppose to do that when I have so many who depend on me? There's also that underlined "What if things go wrong and I mess my body up permanently" thought that keeps crossing my mind. Then there's that fear of learning to live a whole new way on top of trying to recover with busy kids to tend to. I've worked for this surgery for so long and I know it's the right choice. I keep telling myself it's just cold feet. I am confident with my decision and I keep pushing forward but the fears are eating me alive! The closer it gets the more real it becomes. How did you all deal with this or are these things that crossed your mind at all?

I never wanted the surgery.  But, fear works both ways. 

I just kept thinking about how much shorter my life was going to be if I didn't have the surgery.  Or, maybe it wouldn't actually kill me but I would have a stroke and I would be totally dependent on others much less able to take care of others.

I had honestly tried to lose the weight and keep it off over and over.  Statistics to keep it off were overwhelmingly NOT in my favor.   So, I made peace with my fears (or as much as I could) and went ahead.  

11 months later and I am at a healthy bmi (amazeballs!) and active like I used to be.  My kid CAN depend on me because I can participate and no longer high risk for terrible health problems.  I did the surgery for myself, but family is also a huge beneficiary.  Yours will be too!

By the way, you can totally figure out the post op life with a busy family!  

Your cold feet are totally normal.  There will be bumps along the road but it will all be worth it.   

Best wishes!!!!!  Keep us up to date. 

Hi Starlene! I don't think there are very many here who haven't had doubts, even small ones. Your fears are understandable, and I can relate to how you fell. I'm not a mother, but I have several people, including my husband that depend on me emotionally. During the liquid diet phase I've had major doubts and worries. The only thing that has gotten me through them is picturing what my life would be like if I didn't get the surgery. Would I just keep gaining weight? Would I ever be able to be active with my family? Would I develop health issues? Would I ever be able to give birth and have children (I have fertility issues related to obesity)?

I'm scheduled for surgery on the same day as you, Nov 11th. I hope you decide to go through with the surgery, but ultimately you are the only person that can make that choice for you .

Wishing you luck :)

I hope this surgery is your answer to your fertility issues. My kids are the definition of true love. There's no other love in the world like it. Thanks for your positive response. That's really what I'm looking for, others who have felt the way I'm feeling and maybe even how they pushed through it. I know all the positives, I just cant keep those nagging negatives from creeping in. lol  I'm just glad they give you something to calm you before your surgery because Lord knows I'll most likely be a disaster!

I personally didn't have the doubts and fears but it's seems like that tends to be the norm and completely understandable. I had given it up to God and accepted that whatever happened was meant to be. I have two kiddos who are 7 and 10 and would think about what our life would be like if I stayed how I was. It's important to concentrate on your end goal and how much more you will be able to be there for them. As a plus it has also helped my children to realize the importance of taking care of ourselves. My daughter the 10 year old has really gained a lot from experiencing this with me and has been one of my biggest cheerleaders.  Not to mention I want to do all I can to keep them from having to ever deal with being obese in their childhoods. Try to look at the all positives that will come from this. Best of luck to you!

I have 2 kids as well. An 8 year old boy and a 13 year old girl. So far I'm not really worried so much about them as far as health. They are both very active kids and despite my weight issue I've always taught them the importance of taking care of themselves. I actually think that my being overweight has helped them to some degree. I've used myself as an example. Explaining to them how easy it is for your weight to get out of control and how unhappy it can make you. That it's not about how they look but how they'll feel. I feel like it's also made them more sensitive to others. You aren't going to call some kid fat if you have a fat mom yourself after all. I've always told them, intelligent people don't need to insult others on their appearance. I would have taught them that even if I hadn't gained all the weight but I feel like my being big sets it in stone. I've taught them that some insults scar and they not only make you sound ignorant but you could be ruining some ones entire view of themselves. It's always bothered me, even when I was thin growing up, to hear people call others fat or ugly.. it's just unnecessary. I want them to be happy, therefore I want them to feel good through and through. I guess it's the only positive that I will ever find in my being over weight. With that said, it's still better to lead by example and they are also a major reason for the surgery. It hasn't affected their health and how they take care of themselves but it has affected the fact that I'm not that Mom jumping with my son in the bouncy house. I want to be able to play with my kids the way I did when they were babies. I want to feel good about myself when I take them places so that I can enjoy them and not worry about who might be looking at me. Thanks so much for your kind response. I actually do consider all aspects. This was no rash decision. My problem is that despite the positives, it doesn't prevent the negatives from creeping up my spine and working themselves back into my head! lol

My surgery is Weds., too.  You've come this far, don't quit!  Like somebody else said, you're getting this surgery because you have serious health problems.... If you don't get the surgery, those health problems may cause you to be miserable and die at a young age.  Also, side effects of these health issues can totally ruin your body and life, too.  Diabetes can steal your vision, cause legs to be amputated, confine you to a wheelchair.... And other health issues related to obesity can cause heart attack, stroke, skin infections, breathing problems, and much more.... It's a chance either way you go.... I personally would rather become screwed up or die trying to better myself than the alternative.... Hang in there girl!  It's just last minute jitters!  Call your surgeon's nurse or a helpline they may have given you access to.  Good luck! 

You're about to have major surgery -- you would be less than human not to be afraid. And yes, there will be huge adjustments to be made afterward, some difficult, but also among them will be weight loss, improved health and vitality, which I'm sure your children want for you.

I didn't get the sleeve until I was 63. My ability to enjoy life, move around, and even breathe was severely compromised. Without the sleeve I felt pretty sure I wouldn't get to age 70 (still might not, but it won't be for lack of trying). Without the surgery, you will one day be like me (or worse, not be around at all) because comorbidities only worsen with age.

You need to be there for your kids. The surgery will help you be there for a long time -- for your children and your grandchildren. 

psychoticparrot

I understand your fear. I am having the same thing done on the 17th...  Everything you said, has also been going round and round in my head.  However, i keep telling myself that i cannot let fear dictate my life.  I want to be healthier for both myself and my family.  I want to teach my son to lead a healthy lifestyle... I think the weight loss surgery will be an excellent tool to help me do that.  Of course, I am afraid something might happen... but something might happen while I am driving to work, which is also a choice.  But I am not going to stay at home unemployed and unable to take care of my family because of that fear...   Everything will be fine.  It will be hard, but the benefits will make it worth it.  

I had doubts as well. My surgery was last tuesday. I am sore, i am anxious but i am so glad i didnt let fear control me!!! I was apprehensive prior to the procedure, but afterwards i was on cloud nine!!! So glad i made it to that point and so ready to get on with the business of getting healthier! I lost 16 lbs on the 2 week liquid diet, I thought, and others said it, that maybe i didnt need the surgery but i know that it was just another step in the process. If you need the help to get healthy then go for it!!!! The chances of anything going wrong are sooo slim!!!! Besides, the people you are trusting with your care are there to make sure you get thru it without any problems!!!! It will be great!!!