Dealing with snarky co-workers

Prior to my VSG in August, I told only 2 close co-workers what I was planning and they respected my privacy/did not tell anyone. What most people knew, is that I was having "hernia repair" surgery (not a lie). But since I have lost a great deal of weight in a short amount of time, many people suspect the "truth".

Now I am receiving some pretty snarky comments from my co-workers. I have known since the beginning that by choosing to remain private, this would happen. The inevitable questions...comments..remarks...gossip...rudeness and opinions ect. I am not ashamed or embarrassed about my decision but it is quickly becoming an issue I need to deal with.

Question: How have you dealt with questions and snide comments? If you chose NOT tell announce your plans prior to surgery, when did you tell everyone?...and how did you tell everyone? What are some honest responses you have made to others? I have a few in my arsenal...but would love a few more.

I told a couple of people prior to surgery, but I did not tell most of the people that I work with until the day prior. What other people think, I really do not care. Some people at work were adamantly against me having to surgery, but I did this for me. They are not me, and have not had to deal with the issues that I have had to deal with. Don't let the other people get to you.

The few people who did not already know I was getting bariatric surgery soon found out from everyone else I did tell. I chose not to keep it a secret for the very reason that you are now writing about -- they'll find out anyway. It's as hard to disguise weight loss as it is to disguise weight gain (and why would you want to?). The author Barbara Harrison once wrote that gluttony (obesity) is the only one of the biblical seven deadly sins that is impossible to hide. Not that I think obesity is a sin! Far from it!

With the exception of one acquaintance (whose opinion matters little to me), everyone has been kind, interested, and supportive of my WL efforts. They have cheered me on openly, and sometimes covertly -- at social functions, I know they are watching what and how much I eat, and far from resenting it, I feel that a little peer pressure, even at my age, is sometimes a good thing. When I decline an offer of home-baked sweets, no feelings are hurt.

I would suggest a short impromptu gathering of your coworkers and a make a short announcement about your surgery and its benefits, and ask them for their help by not offering you junk foods you shouldn't eat. If your workplace is anything like mine was, doughnuts, candy, popcorn and all manner of junk carbs were available everywhere all the time. When you know your coworkers are looking out for you, you won't be nearly as inclined to dip into the Tootsie Rolls.

If you choose to make an announcement, quietly inform those two coworkers what you plan to do as a courtesy and a thank-you to them for respecting your privacy.

psychoticparrot

I know easier said than done, but really who cares what your co-workers think? Offices can be a crazy place and gossip and rudeness get directed at people all the time. I told most of my coworkers, but I didn't some family members. I found after surgery it was much easier for me to tell my family members. The surgery was already done.....I told them I was reclaiming my health and I was doing something for myself. Good luck dealing!!

Without suggesting you lie in any way a lot of people lose considerable weight as they recover from hernia repair. It upsets your desire to eat etc just like WLS does. My girlfriend is still losing weight a year after her hernia repair and she did not have any WL aspect added. So they seem like the types of people who know little and just want to gossip. There is a Dr in FL who is getting round some FDA requirements by doing a surgery that is a combo hernia repair and then doing an endoscopic plication type things while he is at it. This is something that will always be debated..to tell or not to tell. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do in order to handle this and do let us know.

I have only told one person at work and that's only because I need her to drive me to and back from my endoscopy on Monday. I chose not to tell anyone else for a few reasons 1. I don't think it would be the most supportive environment for me. I say this because my coworkers were recently talking about others who we know (through the job) that had weight loss surgery, four people to be exact. I heard the comments they made about them..such as well, if she can lose weight before the surgery, how come she can't make that a permanent lifestyle change? I don't want to hear it. 2) As someone has commented to this issue already, my office is nothing but a gossip fest EVERYDAY! Once it spreads the entire city will know.

After surgery, if someone asks me directly if I had surgery, I will be honest. I am not so naive as to think they wont figure it out on their own because I never take off extended days from work (except vacation) so they will know something is up.

I have a tendency to be acerbic when annoyed, but the thing that's best for me is to make it clear that I think it's inappropriate to discuss anyone's body in the workplace (or outside of it) under pretty much any cir****tances short of providing first aid. When coworkers say something about anyone's body, whether or not they think that they are being positive, I make remarks about how it's too bad that this is the most interesting thing that they have to think about, or how I sincerely don't care whether or not Amy's butt looks weird in that dress, or that I wasn't aware that Becky's colostomy or lack thereof had anything to do with her value as a coworker. I am, for the most part, probably the friendliest person in the office, so when I say something negative it kind of throws people.

Basically, and I know that this is harsh, I do my best to undermine the commenter's authority and make them understand that they are petty and cruel. Most snarkers have incredibly low self esteem and their actions underscore the importance they place in maintaining a pecking order in which they are most comfortable which means always being sure that someone else is beneath them. Therefore, I withhold social approval. Shunning works.

I intensely dislike any attention I'm receiving for losing weight because my aesthetic appeal has absolutely nothing to do with my worth as a person. There are plenty of overweight people who are perfectly healthy, and plenty of thin people who are incredibly unhealthy. My choice to have WLS was and is completely my own.

I haven't told co-workers, and don't plan to. I'm entitled to my privacy, and I don't owe anyone any kind of explanation. I simply say that I am taking a new and positive approach to my overall health.

I didn't tell anyone prior to surgery that I was getting the surgery. After the surgery I told a couple of co workers whom I considered friends & asked them to keep it private. People are gossipy & I didn't feel like dealing with that so early out. Besides they kinda knew something was up cuz I hadn't called out sick in years & out the blue I called out, that plus in social settings I was nursing a water instead of a drink & my friends know I like to drink!

As the months went by, people did ask & I told them. I wasn't ashamed of what I did, I just wasn't broadcasting it, & I didn't want to do/say anything deceptive when they ask how I lost the weight. For me if I only mentioned diet & exercise & didn't mention the surgery it would've felt like a lie by omission. I mention the surgery, then quickly mention the lifestyle changes, getting more fit, etc etc. This approach has worked for me & everyone has been pretty positive about it, & those who aren't can kiss my ass. They have their opinion & I have mines, & I guarantee you I care more about my opinion on my health, than their opinion on my health. Eventually they'll see its not just the surgery alone that got the weight off, I have to do my part too. For the most part they see the changes & are pretty supportive about it.

I didn't tell anyone at work either. I have always kept my personal and work life separated so this was no different. I have co-workers, not friends, at work and that is exactly what they are to me. That sounds harsher than I mean it.

I do not "owe" it to anyone at work to tell them. It is simply, none of their business. They all know I had surgery but I only said it was laparoscopic abdominal surgery. Not a lie.
As people start commenting on my weight loss (if they do), I will tell them the truth. "I am more mindful of what I'm eating and choosing protein over carbs." Again, not a lie.

My life is my business.