Slow Brain

I had to go to target today to buy pajama bottoms since I'm unexpectedly in PA with my parents and forgot to pack my pajamas.

I should not be allowed in clothing stores on my own, since I sort of love to shop now...

I needed some long sleeve shirts, so I grabbed a few. The first one I grabbed was a small, the size I wear, but then my brain went into denial mode and grabbed mediums for the rest. I didn't realize this until I got into my car. It's like my brain refuses to accept that I'm a person who wears smalls now.

Thanks, brain. Now I have to go back tomorrow to exchange things. Which I definitely do not have time for.

I still hold up my jeans and say "there's no way these are going to fit" - and they do!

Even at over 2 years post-op I still do this. Every. Single. Time.

That makes me feel better because so do I. Every day

This brings to mind an NSV I don't think about until I pack a suitcase. I've always been someone who likes to pack light-carry on only which is pretty tricky when you have a CPAP and size 24 clothes...now my bag is half full & I have way more clothes when I travel than I need. I especially get a little thrill about how many thongs I can pack...no more washing gotchies while on the road.

It's a hard mindset to change. I went to Joann's yesterday to look at patterns, and immediately turned to the "Plus Size" section of the first book. Then I realized that I no longer wear plus size clothes, (I'm now in a 14) and I can get "regular" sizes now. This is going to be a hard habit to break, after so many years of being plus sized.

I inevitably pick up sizes that are too large for me off the rack. I still can't wrap my brain around where I'm currently at. And yes, shopping for clothes has become enjoyable instead of a chore. I used to buy the same top in every color they had available if it would fit me. Now I get to be picky. It's so weird.

My husband has to go shopping with me so that I buy the right size. Just like everyone else, I just can't believe the size that I am. He lets me go try on the large size and he is always standing there with the size I should have picked up when I step out of the dressing room. I really wish I could see myself through his eyes!

I am almost 4 years out and still have to have people size me when I shop off the rack. I can't tell. Everything looks too small. Then when I opt for something smaller, sometimes it is too small! I'm getting better, but it's still not that easy. I try things on whenever possible.

I am a year out and still look at my clothes and think there is no way I can fit into that. I'm not sure my brain has caught up with my weight loss and I'm not sure if it ever will at this point. I still feel like the fat girl that I was for so long. Your story is an NSV though! Think of it that way.