Having enough motivation for two.

I know many of us have loved ones that enable our poor eating choices. In my case prior to dating my husband my weight was stellar, but slowly I adopted his habits and that lead to my consistent gain and eventual surgury for it. Not that it is his fault- I let it happen. Then surgury and he went on the diet in a valiant effort to keep me from eating food that could kill me during those first weeks out. Yea, I struggled with that even though I "knew" better. He ended up losing faster than I did dropped 100 pounds in about 4 months. He then maintained pretty well while I finished my weight loss phase. Together we maintained well for a while. He then slowly started to creep up. I noticed we were both enabling each other a bit here and there again, and eventually I also regained some and regained even more. 

So, what to do? I live with a man whose life revolves around what he eats, what I eat, what the kids eat, etc. When he slides, I am prone to sliding too. Finally, I got my crap together after bouncing up and down over the summer and I am very consistently eating clean and being very emphaitic with him that I can't have the crap. At first, he kept offering. Now though, I have noticed that he is much more serious about eating right. Once again I am reminded that not only can his slide affect me, but my focus on clean eating affects him too. 

It can be tough to avoid bad choices when others close to you empower you to do so. But sometimes, you just have to find a way. Empowering him t make better choices is now helping to motivate me as well. Turned that crap around for sure! Good luck on your journey, and here is to finding a path that empowers you to make consistently good choices~

That's so difficult, and I know it well.

In my last relationship eating together was how we really enjoyed each other and life best.

I went to some alon-on meetings, and only then realized how enmeshed we and the eating were.

I am single now, and that's hard too---especially post-op when the food isn't there for company.

In your case--sounds like you replaced enabling with empowerment :)

Congrats! 

Xo

Dina

It is difficult when one is eating carelessly and the other isn't. I have the same problem with my husband. We're more or less on the same page right now, but there's no certainty it will last. Part of the solution -- he makes his own breakfast and lunch, because we have very different ideas about what constitutes an appropriate meal for breakfast and lunch.

He's very conservative about his food. He wants eggs and toast for breakfast; I want miso soup. There's no middle ground there. Our compromise is at dinner, which I make, and I don't have the time, energy, or desire to make separate dinner for him. Because he loves beef, I make one or two meals a week that have beef in them -- not my favorite, but it's a compromise. His compromise? He's eating more chicken, fish, and beans than before. Still can't get him to try tofu. Maybe soon. It's always a work in progress.

psychoticparrot

Being close to someone may influence what and how much we eat. 

My partner eats sweets and desserts. And we have them in the house. Portioned and frozen in mau0in freezer in the garage. Same with bread. If he wants some - I can take it out and just prep one portion for him. 

Out - he moves the wonderful smelling bread basket as far away from me as possible.. I sip on flavored water until my meal arrives while he eats his bread... 

I totally hear you. My husband is the reason why I gained 100 lbs in a span of only 6 years! That's like, insane for me to process, but his bad habits definitely affected me way too much. Thankfully, he has now decided to also be on a fitness journey and we can make positive changes together. I do think there is a huge enabling effect at play, and I am trying to hard to make that trait be more of a positive (enabling of healthy behaviors), but it is very difficult at times when so many of our early, wonderful memories center around food.

Best of luck to you, too!!!

The enabling thing is tough to work out of a relationship. The hubby and I ended up having a long talk about it early in the weightloss phase and we agreed on phrases that we would use in advance, and that way (his) feelings wouldn't be hurt. That really helped!