Just a good reminder

I shared this in another thread and thought it might be a good reminder as a separate post as well.  We are all on different legs of our journey and we all come from different backgrounds.  I personally am working on how to better my reactions towards comments and actions of others not just online but in general.  Years of being obese, bullied, shamed and basically being a second class citizen in the eyes of society can take a toll.  I hope that this can be a safe place for people to come and feel supported.  After all this is Obesity Help not Obesity banter.  I believe in the truth and I believe we should not lie to protect others feelings but please know that people may be coming here for support that are at a very low point in their journey.  Be respectful and follow the golden rule.

Today I’m sharing ten tips that you can use as a parent, a partner, or simply as a person when you find yourself in a disagreement or conflict.

1. Breathe. Take a moment to remember that while you may not be able to control the emotion you feel in response to someone’s words or behavior, you can control your response to that emotion. Your reaction is always your choice – make it a conscious choice. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Give yourself permission to step back. A calm, measured response in an hour is almost always better than a thoughtless, harsh response immediately.
2. Don’t take it personally. One of the most eye-opening things I have learned is that a person’s judgment of or reaction to me is not entirely based on me or the situation. Our judgments and reactions are born out of a lifetime of experiences. Positive reactions stem from good memories, happy times, and successes. Negative reactions come from past hurts, failures, and regrets. So the next time someone criticizes you, remember that the words are more of a reflection on the speaker than on you.
3. Make a connection. If you are having an in-person interaction, make a conscious effort to make meaningful eye contact. If you are comfortable doing so, make a physical connection by reaching out to pat the person’s arm or even giving her a hug (especially if it is your child or partner). If you are having a difficult online interaction, pretend the person is sitting next to you. Form a mental picture of sitting across from the person. Remember that there is a face – a person just like you – behind the words on the screen.
4. Ask questions. One way you can respond more mindfully to a negative statement (instead of flying off the handle) is by asking for clarification. When you hear a statement that sounds negative, ask the speaker to explain more about where they are coming from. Chances are the statement had nothing to do with you, but more with the person’s past experiences. Learning about their viewpoint can help you craft a respectful response.
5. Share information without expectations. If the person seems open to a conversation, make it just that – a conversation, not a soapbox. If you decide to open up about your own philosophy, preferences, or experiences, do so because you enjoy talking about the subject. If your goal is persuasion, the other person will be more likely to resist.
6. Reverse the roles. This one is also known as “treat others the way you would like to be treated.” If someone was trying to convince you to parent or live differently, what approach would you appreciate? Would you be open to change if someone was bullying you? Criticizing you? Blaming you? Or would you want them to listen to you, sharing information in a neutral way, showing concern for you?
7. Focus on the positive. Try to find a common, positive ground. Sometimes that may be as simple as the fact that we are all acting out of love for our children, regardless of whether you believe some actions to be misguided.
8. Remember that everyone is working with the tools they have at the moment. No one sets out to make mistakes. We’re all struggling to parent (and live) in the best way we know how. When we learn better, we can do better.
9. Agree to disagree. Disagreements do not always resolve in complete understanding. Sometimes time, cir****tances, or attitude mean that we will not see eye to eye. But disagreement does not need to mean conflict – we can be respectful and supportive in other ways.
10. You can only plant the seed, ideas take time to grow. When you are passionate about a subject, sometimes the best way to have it take hold in another person’s life is to let them see you live it. Be the seed of change.

BREATHE. When someone uses caps for emphasis, it's not because they hate you.

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Many of the seasoned posters here have seen a LOT of misunderstanding of medical information and (potentially life-threatening) stupid decisions. They're looking out for others.

REVERSE THE ROLES. Do you want someone to tell YOU that it's OK to eat a taco week-op, when it could actually cause a serious medical complication? Or should they let you know that you're in trouble?

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. People are actually taking time out of their day to discuss a poster's issue and try to help. Why be negative and tell them that they're doing so the wrong way?

AGREE TO DISAGREE, unless the other party is factually incorrect, in which case "it's just my opinion" is useless and potentially dangerous.

YOU CAN ONLY PLANT THE SEED, but some people have a toxic dump instead of a garden and aren't worth your emotional energy.

This would have been better in all CAPS.  Just saying.

And this is exactly what I'm talking about

Your own #2 would be applicable here :)

Okay well clearly you didn't read my post... as stated I too am working on my reactions to other's comments.  All I am asking is that people take empathy and consideration in posting responses to others and here I am getting bashed and bullied.  What the hell!!!????  Seriously all I ask is that instead of being rude and inconsiderate to others that they consider the person behind the screen.

You are being neither bashed nor bullied.

Someone has posted an opinion that is counter to yours in a less-than-completely-serious tone. That is not abuse.

So Kat W.'s post above about all caps wasn't meant in anyway to make fun or poke fun at me?

you STILL don't getbit. You can ask all you want but you can't make it happen. It is a public forum and anyone can post WHATEVER they want... As long as it isn't agsinst TOS. 

Nobody died and made you God.

Maybe the fact that two reporters were shot in cold blood this morning by a disgruntled former employee has me a little sensitive today.  You just never know how your interactions with others might affect them.  It's all in the delivery.  If it's not kind or helpful why even respond?