Post-opers, Do you have second thoughts or regrets?

Do any of you have regrets about your surgery? (I'm not talking about because you haven't lost the weight because you may not be doing what your supposed to or gained it back because of that).

I had my surgery in 2012 when I was 315lbs and lost a little over 150lbs. I made the decision after many attempts at dieting and exercising for years and after a back and knee injury that got progressively worse because I wasn't able to move like I was able before the injuries. So in turn, I had gained more weight.

I was also concerned for my health because diabetes and high blood pressure run in my family and I didn't want that to be my normal. 

During the whole process we are told that excess skin will be a result of the weight loss and you understand it intellectually at the time, but it's something different when you are at the point of having to deal with it everyday. 

Everyday I fight with myself to feel normal. While I am thankful that I am healthier, I don't feel like myself. Before, I was happy and cheerful and loved myself even knowing I wasn't as healthy as I should have been. Now, I don't like myself because I am uncomfortable with myself. I avoid dressing/undressing in front of mirrors, I hate that I have to wear a layer of spandex under my clothes to contain the extra skin (and I live in Texas... It's friggin too hot for that), being intimate with my husband isn't an often occurrence because the extra skin makes it look like I'm melting into the bed (that is NOT sexy), and this may be TMI, but I have extra skin in my "lady area" that make things difficult as well. Then with the skin breakdown and pain that comes with that and the fact that I am now flat chested (and I don't mean like I have small breasts, I mean there is literally nothing to fill a bra, boob wise) I have to take easily 5 minutes to situate the extra skin in a bra to make it look like boobs. It hurts. I also don't like the male attention that I get sometimes (guys can be really gross and creepy).

I have talked with my doctors about this (PCMs as I have had a few since then) and they bru**** off. One even said that she had some loose skin, herself. But the difference between us is that she was in her early 50s and has had multiple children. I just turned 30 last week and have zero children. Slight difference. I have also addressed my mood changes and no one seems to feel that there is an issue. 

I just hate hating myself and feeling depressed and less of a woman. 

Has anyone felt or is feeling like this? It's hard to talk to people that haven't been through weight lost surgery or a major weight loss in general because they don't really "get it" from my experiences. 

I'm sorry you're going through this.  Is plastic surgery an option?  It seems like that should be something you pursue for your mental health if nothing else.  Also, are you seeing a therapist?  I highly recommend adding one to your team.  

IDK what your insurance plan is like, but I would think that with the health problems the excess skin is causing (you mention skin breakdown and pain), plastic surgery may be covered by your insurance.

I would definitely consider getting rid of your current doctor.  Sounds like she's comparing apples to oranges with her response to you.

I haven't had surgery yet, but loose skin is something I worry about.  But I do remember what it was like after I had my son and being horrified to see how my body had changed, even though I was back down to what I weighed pre-pregnancy.  It was a total shock to me and started me on a depression/binge cycle.  It definitely affected how I felt about myself, and I know that my situation doesn't come close to comparing what you're going through, but I really feel for you.

I also agree with the previous poster--think about adding a therapist to your arsenal, if you don't already have one.

I have Tricare and just switch PCMs because the last one left, retirement possibly. I should be seeing my new one next month. I hope she isn't as dismissive of patient's concerns as other have been. 

I second Gwen's suggestion about a therapist as it sounds like you are dealing with some body image issues and those are tough to do alone.  Contrary to popular belief, needing therapy is NOT a sign of weakness.  You've gone through a lot of changes and need help adjusting to your new reality. :D

As for regrets, I don't really have any.  Last Friday I took the afternoon off and my husband and I went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and had a ton of fun riding the roller coasters and other rides.  I hadn't ridden any of these since high school, which is coming up on 30 years ago.  Looking around at all of the fair food options made me wish that I had my old stomach for just an afternoon, but that thought was fleeting and didn't diminish my fun.  

My body has changed, I have loose skin and terrible upper arms and my thighs are a disaster.  I am also dealing with some ladybits issues, but I don't feel like less of a woman.  You are young and have a lot of time in front of you to work on yourself both inside and outside.  Take this opportunity to explore all of the options available to you to get you where you need to be. :D

Jen

I have been seeing a therapist. 2 actually. It still feels like my concerns aren't concerns to them. 

I have looked into plastic surgery, but during a consult (I was on an information gaining quest for sure and possible commitment), the doctor was very rude and seemed as though she wanted to do things they way she wanted with no care for her patient. And because I am an insurance referral, I have been on the wait list for another for a year + just for a consult. So, me and plastic surgeons don't have great experiences to speak of as of yet. Which adds to my downward mood. 

Although it's annoying, it sounds like it would be worthwhile to find a new therapist to work with.  It might take some trial and error, but it will be worthwhile in the long run.  

Are there other plastic surgeons in your area that you can try?  Are you willing to self pay and go out of your area?  

I think I paid $50 for a plastic surgeon consult.  I paid for my own surgery and it was the best money I ever spent.

I'm in my 60s and now halfway toward my WL goal. My excess skin is unsightly, all right, but my age I don't much care about how it look. I just want to be healthy.

However, if I were in your place, in my 30s with the hope of children in my future, I would do all I could to get plastic surgery. If your doctors don't understand why you need this, find new doctors.

You have most of your life ahead of you. Live it as close to the way you want as much as is possible. I think you would be a prime candidate for plastic surgery.

Good luck.

psychoticparrot

First, I'm sorry that you're going through this. :(  Others have offered you great advice, so I'll just stick with how I've handled it - we have similar stats - I'm 33, high weight 323 lbs, and I've lost 154 so far. 

Right now, my arms are the bane of my existence. My stomach isn't a picnic, and my thighs have little "shrinkles" as well. 

That being said, I don't regret having surgery for one minute.  I do, however, regret weighing 323 pounds and causing the damage in the first place, but that ship has sailed.  All I can tell you is that I try to focus on the positive, and plan on having plastics at some point.  I don't wear tons of spanx stuff because I think that would make me miserable, so I just pick clothes that work with my stomach. And arms and thighs I just accept what they are (for now!); I wear tank tops and shorts, excess skin be damned. I'm proud of the fact that my body is capable of running and wearing clothes in just about any store I'd want to shop in. I know it's much easier said than done, but I actively avoid dwelling on my imperfections because I know that would make me depressed and miserable. I also don't know one single woman that is completely at peace with her body, so you're in pretty good company even if they can't understand your exact predicament.  Unwanted attention from guys can be annoying, but it is what it is and you can only control your reaction to it (I just put on my "resting ***** face" and pretend they don't exist, haha) - it's not going to go away any time soon.

I hope you're able to figure out a plan for plastics and/or a therapist that can help! I can SO identify with your situation and my heart goes out to you!