Telling family about VSG

So I'm scheduled for surgery in January and the only person that I've told is my mother. I need to tell my father but I already know that he will disapprove of my decision to have surgery, even though I've struggled to lose weight my entire life and am starting to experience some frightening health problems. I've saved up and will be paying for the surgery myself since the wait list for insurance covered surgery in my province is 4 years. I'm an adult but still live at home and maybe this is the reason why I feel like I need to have my father's approval. I know this is the right decision for me and I'll have the surgery even without my father's approval but it would be so nice to have the support of both of my parents. Can anyone offer advice as to how I should approach my father in this situation? I just really don't know how to bring it up! He's not a bully or anything, he's very supportive in the other areas of my life, but he's a bit old school and thinks everything can be accomplished with a little willpower. I think he'll think that VSG is the "easy" way out and I might struggle to explain it in all its complexities to him. I know I need to just suck it up and tell him but I just don't know how to approach it. I welcome all insight and advice! 

First, congrats on taking this first step!!  I would tell him about the surgery and why YOU want to have it done.  He needs to live his life and you are old enough to make your own decisions.  I'm 35 and on disability so I live with my mom so I understand that sometimes parents still treat us as though we are a kid! You have the right to do what is best for you.  If his reaction is that having the VSG is taking the easy way out then you need to educate him on the surgery.  People often think it is the easy way out because all they see is the before and after pictures.  They don't see that just like them we have to "diet" and exercise...and when we do it is more drastic.  I have to have 6 months of weight loss before surgery which will include a no starch diet for 2 weeks and then liquid diet for 2 weeks. The way we eat after the surgery is not easy either...we will end up eating very healthy.  I had a lapband put in 2008 but later it had to be removed as my body was rejecting it as a foreign object...anyway, after surgery I ate healthier than I ever had because you have to fit 'QUALITY FOOD' in the stomach pouch.  The same with the VSG. Sorry for the rambling it is 4 am and I should be in bed lol.  The truth is: The VSG is just a tool. You will be eating healthy and exercising just like any regular person you just have an extra edge to help you lose it.  Let him know you have thought long and hard about this...hell you have saved up enough money to have the surgery done!  You would love his support in this as it will make your journey easier.  Hope this kind of helps!

Thank you so much for your honest advice, you have helped tremendously! I know this surgery is the tool I need to help me lose weight, I just need to communicate that to him. Now it's just a matter of building my confidence up and I think that with advice like yours, I'm on my way to doing that. Thanks again!

I turned 48 this year and was afraid to tell my parents. I did wait till about 6 months after. I don't live with them so they wouldn't even know.  I would stand your ground on why you are having it done. Bring information with you to back up what you are doing. 

Tell him it is going to be easier. And you will be healthier. I am sure if he is supportive he will understand why you are doing this. 

Be strong. 

I can see why you waited until after surgery to tell your parents; if I didn't live with them I'd wait to tell them for sure. That way you can lose some weight and show them just how valuable the surgery was. I'm definitely going to gather up some information to have with me when I talk to him so that I can answer any questions he has with confidence. I'm not having my surgery for 6 months but I'd like to tell him soon because it's weighing on my mind. Like you said, I just need to be strong. Thanks for the encouragement! 

Just the way I handle this, but give it some thought.  I did take the easy way out by having surgery.  I had diabetes so the diet and exercise before and after surgery were the same, just less amounts after surgery.

I had already given up sugar, rice, potatoes, breads, candy, and pastries.  I already exercised at least 30 minutes a day.

What happened after surgery is that the diet and exercise finally worked and weight went away.

So the hard way did not work for me, but the easy way did.

That is some really great advice and a good way to look at it. One bonus of living with my parents is that they've seen me try for years and years to lose the weight myself through diet and exercise. I've had help from Doctors, Counsellors, Nutritionists, and Personal Trainers, and while I've lost weight in the past, it has always crept back on. I feel that this surgery is my only option at this point, and I just need to communicate that to my father. Thanks for your insight! 

Can you take him to a support group meeting or seminar with your surgeon?  Can you wait until after you've had the surgery?  

Can you practice on a friend first?  Your friend can "play" your dad and you can figure out what you'll say and how to respond to his disapproval?  

Great ideas, thanks! I'm definitely going to practice with someone first so that I can respond with confidence to his questions and not falter if he shows disapproval. I didn't think about taking him to a support group or seminar because my surgeon is outside of Canada and travel would be required but maybe I can find a seminar locally that we could go to. It'd be with a different surgeon but at least he'd have the opportunity to learn about the surgery and ask questions. Unfortunately I can't wait until after I've had the surgery to tell him because I live with him so it's not something I can hide. I will practice and build up my confidence and then tell him. Yikes! Lol. Thanks again for the advice!

My surgery is in on 8/15/15, and I have to admit that I was so petrified to tell my dad, that I made my mom tell him. My father can be tough to talk to about difficult things, amazing dad and truly supportive, but he can be hard to approach.

The hardest part to my situation is that my Aunt, my fathers sister, passed away while having gastric bypass surgery. This was also 20 years ago, mind you, and she had several comorbidities, health issues. But no one knew she was even having the surgery. So I knew just telling my dad I was having weight loss surgery would make him worry more than the average person.

I visited my parents yesterday (they live in Massachusetts, and I live in Connecticut), and we were able to kind of talk about it since my mom informed him. Luckily, my mother is like my best friend. So she knew just how to talk to him about it. He is very quiet about it because he is scared for me, but he knows I have done years of research, picked an amazing doctor, talked to his patients, know what is ahead of me for recovery.....and most of all, he knows I have tried every diet and exercise regimen every created!!! (and with varied success, but nothing sustained).

So while I would love for him to come out and say "Hey, I support you!" I know that is not going to happen. He just needed to be informed, and when he sees my recovery, eventual sustained success, improved health, and happiness... maybe then we will be able to talk about it more.