Need help talking to my husband

I recently found out that my Lap Band has slipped so it's likely that I will need surgery to fix or remove or revise it.

A quick synopsis of my situation:  Banded in 2010, initially lost about 50lbs, gained most of it back with pregnancy in 2012/2013, now my daughter is 2.5yrs old and I'm currently only about 26lbs less than my pre-op weight.  So I would call that a band failure. Plus, now its slipped . . .

I really want to have the band removed and revise to VSG.  My husband is extremely nervous about me having another surgery, especially one where they cut out part of my stomach.  He is really pushing for me to just take out the band and "do it naturally". Meaning lose the weight on my own.  If I was able to do that, I would have done that already.  The problem is, he recently lost about 40lbs by going on the SCD diet which is a really extreme diet designed for people who suffer from Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's or other GI disorder.  The diet has helped him improve expontentially with his condition and as a side effect, he lost weight.  But the initial goal was to improve his medical condition.  So I think because he recently lost weight (it wasn't easy, by any means) he thinks that I'm suddenly going to be able to do it. He wants me to do his diet, but I don't have any GI healthy conditions, the diet is very extreme and not sustainable for someone who isn't expecting the medical benefits.  

I just don't know how to help him understand how hard I have worked in the past and how unlikely it is for me "suddenly" to just be successful losing weight with diet and exercise.  He has seen me work out like crazy, eat healthy, have some success, backslide, and go through that process again and again.  He just seems to have this idea that if I "only tried harder" I would be able to do it.  I don't know how to make him understand. Having seen me go through ups and downs and struggles with weight loss, I would think that would be enough to prove to him that I need this.  He wants me to be healthy and in his mind, "doing it as naturally as possible" is going to be the best way for me to get healthy. 

Anyone else have a resistant spouse?  Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!

Some spoues are resistant and not supportive at first because they are scared out of their minds.  They are scared that you might lose weight and leave them, or that you might die on the operating table, or they just don't know what to expect afterwards.  That being said, that fear often comes out as not being supportive - when in reality, your spouse just wants you to be happy and healthy.  

You have to remember that you are doing this for you and no one else and you have to stay firm with knowing that this is the right path for you. 

Good Luck!

Thanks for the reply.  It's true he is scared that something will happen to me and I know I can't do it unless he is on board.  So I'm hoping we will be able to agree. 

getting the sleeve done at the same time as the band removal does not add much danger to the surgery to just remove the band

I have kind of the same issue he just don't understand he can't understand how much pressure it is being over weight.  You have to express your fear that once they remove the band you will gain all the weight back and explain for you that isnt an option for you.  You have a child to chase and you need to be comfortable to run after them.  Explain you are doing it for your well being.  So you can be around longer.  Ultimately it is your decision and he won't be disappointed because you will lose the weight.  My step daughter had the band and it was a failure so my guy was like it's not gonna work look at my daughter.  Then the dreaded my sister lost weight without surger she is a walker. I have bad feet bad back bad knee and sleep apnea and weight loss will eliminate most of my issues.

Sounds like he is totally coming from a place of genuine concern for you. That being said, doing it your way for all these years isn't working so you need to defer to the experts. If you bring him with you to your appointments he can voice his concerns there and maybe gain some peace of mind. You'll need his support afterwards so reassuring him is your best move, in my opinion. Good luck to you both.

Thanks for recognizing that he really is just concerned for me.  I know that he is just worried that something will happen and it just scares him.  And I think the fact that he recently lost weight makes him think that I'll be able to do it too, despite the fact that I've tried for years without lasting success.  I really do want to reassure him that everything will be fine and that this will be the best move for our family.  

The good thing is that you don't need his permission or support to make your own health decisions. So I'd keep on doing what you need to do to be healthy and do your best to keep him informed as you go. 

I agree with Gwen.  You want his support, but you do not need his permission.  So understand that he has genuine concern, have him come with you to some seminars and meetings for the sleeve, and maybe a few therapy sessions.  Hopefully it will help to eliviate his concern and worry, as well as the notion that you can do it on your own.

Take him with you to the surgeon seminar or a support group. Might help him to be able to ask his questions.