Why is everyone around me so negative?

I need to vent and I need advice.

I was banded in 2008 and initially lost 70 pounds.  Over the last 2 years, I've gained back 30 pounds and am currently at 210 (at 5'2").  I've never had restriction with the band (never hit the sweet spot) and have had various issues with the band over the years.  Now, when I go into the doctor and he does the barium swallow, it shows that I have serious restriction but I feel like I could eat a steak and all the fixings (and I can and do).  I'm getting older and I have reached the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.  So, I finally made an appt with the doc to talk revision.  I went a little over a week ago and he suggested that I get a revision to the Sleeve.  I was very excited about this and had discussions with my husband about the fact that insurance may not pay for a revision (I work in the employee benefits industry and am very familiar with my insurance carriers medical policy on bariatric surgery and I knew I didn't qualify for the revision basically because my BMI is not 40 right now).  Anyway, my husband was very supportive and said that we would figure out how to pay for the surgery if insurance wouldn't cover it.  So after speaking to my doctor's office last week and the insurance expert, they confirmed that I could try and have insurance cover the procedure, but it would be denied because my BMI is not 40 (and even though I am close, my husband does not want me to gain the needed weight to get to 40).  So, my husband said we would take out a loan to pay for the surgery.  When he said this, I don't think he realized what the cash price would be $18,900 (plus lab work and the out of pocket cost for the endoscopy).  But he proceeded to try and obtain the loan.  However, it seems everyday, we find out about another added expense and he is freaking out.  He is trying to be supportive of me, but it's killing him to go into debt over this (the loan was approved and the endoscopy is scheduled for tomorrow). 

If this was the only negativity around me, I could probably handle it, but my 19 year old daughter thinks I'm going to die, my mother (who is a psychologist and has never been overweight a day in her life) thinks that I will fail at this like I failed with the band and thinks I am wasting my time and money and all I need is serious therapy, my cousin and a couple of friends think I have lost my mind and that this is too severe of a procedure for me to undergo (and I should just get nutritional counseling and exercise). 

I am trying to prepare my brain for this massive lifestyle change that I am about to undergo.  I am trying to be happy for myself and the new life that I have chosen for myself and my husband - but it is so hard with all of this negativity.   If a diet and exercise was all it took for me to lose the weight, well then why wouldn't I try that over such a drastic procedure like this?

Am I crazy to think that this procedure is right for me? Has anyone else experienced this kind of backlash from their circle of family and friends? In my mind, I'm not doing this for anyone else but myself - but it seems that my decisions are affecting others in a negative way. 

Any insight anyone has would be helpful.

Oh boy! I d understand. 5 years ago i was approved for the lap band or sleeve. I let my aunt talk me out of it. I lost some weight on weigh****chers but gained it back. Now I am having the sleeve on Aug 21st. I am not telling my aunt or friends who are always negative and critical. I can't handle that right now. I would see if your insurance will cover it based on the blaockage or a medical justification from your Dr. Please persue the insurance route before spending the borrowed money. Limit your discussions with people who are negiative. It can really play wth your mind. I choose to think postive thoughts, just pray and God will give you the strength.All the Best! Ethel

I am far from an expert on anything related to these surgeries. But, I can say that my insurance won't cover any banding procedure--I was told because "they don't work" but will cover RNY or VSG. 

I don't know how long you have been considering the revision. A lot of companies require a 6 month waiting/assessment period. I feel this is to give the patient ample time to think about it and make sure they are really ready.

i don't want to add to the negativity, but I do find it concerning that you said you can and do eat a steak and all the fixings. As long as you are serious about a lifetime commitment to changing your behaviour, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have to do what is right for you.

I won't address specifics of your case but I love my sleeve! I would do everything I needed to do to get the sleeve. It works. Sorry about your band.

I was sleeved 12/29/14 and have lost a little over 104 pounds as of today---I am 5 1/2 months out. 

 

I planned and researched. My insurance covered it after my out of pocket expenses and I borrowed for those. They will soon be paid off. I love my sleeve but eating a steak is impossible. My surgeon says 5 bites---3 meat, 1 green, 1 carb. Sometimes I can eat more but depends if I take teeny bites or normal bites. 

It requires a physical and mental life change. Do what the doctor says and enjoy the new you. I was determined to have it. Insurance or not. Good luck. 

Thanks for the encouragement. I am ready for the change and know I won't be able to eat steak again which is part of the reason I want to do this. Congrats on your weight loss!

Why won't you be able to eat steak again?

I'm sorry you have a lot of negativity.  But why can't you have steak ever again?  I know a lot of sleeved people who eat steak.  Its not off their menu except in the very beginning when the stomach is healing.  Just don't want you to have incorrect info and you basing your choice of surgery off of that.

You have to control what you can control and that is you. You can't control the thoughts of your 19 year old or your Mother. You are making you and your health priority one. I received a little backlash pre-op, but it soon went away post op once they saw how well I was doing. They got on board and became more supportive. Do you and take care of you! hopefully they'll join in on supporting you soon. Good luck.

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this today. You are absolutely right - I can't control anyone else - I can only control me.