People still don't get it.

It is very hard to get others to understand the process we go thru.  I have the same junk food coming into my house as before , the only difference is I choose not to eat it and I do request that my wife purchase the food i need and like and she does but I usually cook for myself and make my own lunches.  It took me alot of years to decide on this surgery and I refuse to fail.  Keep your chin up and keep on your plan.

You can't control other people. Do what you need to do. If someone seems interested and willing, share what you know with them, but ultimately, we need to accept we may be on our own.

Sorry to hear the people you hoped to count on aren't up to the job. If they're willing to learn more about WLS, there if plenty of information out there. AngelaLynn11 just posted a very informative article, "Diet and Exercise are not Enough, Obesity Experts Say." If your friends and family are interested in educating themselves, they may change their attitudes. If not, you must be your own best advocate, and rely on WL support groups via your surgeon's recommendations. And this forum is always at the ready to help out! 

psychoticparrot

I have not had my surgery but I already see the side-eyed looks and the snickering. I have a couple of family members that are supportive but in my family the opinion of most is that surgery is dangerous, I should be happy overweight unless I can lose the weight without assistance. It is very frustrating. I've decided this is my life. If the only person that supports me is me than so be it. I'll go online and find support groups. So that's why I'm here. This is my first post. I see there are a lot of people that are having this issue so I must be in the right place.

First,  thank you for choosing my thread to make your first post on.  Cyber groups are great but I also think that tactile in person and support groups are equally important. 

Second, you are most definitely in the right place and there are tons of resources here and people who have been there done that and back again.

 I've also found that since I'm now postop that you have to find the inner strength and like what one poster said above is that you have to put you first you have to be selfish and take care of you… And if no one's going to listen… I hate to say it like this, but you have to find your inner ***** and just soldier on and follow the plan.

When I was banded in 2007 and the times I was eating low carb/high fat, the ONLY place I could find the best support was through this type of forum.  These are the people that truly know how hard it is. 

My husband is a wonderful man but does not get that I can't lose it with diet and exercise alone.  I tell him and he listens and doesn't argue with me but he just doesn't get it because he can have a whole chocolate cake in the house and only have one bite letting the rest go to waste.  His metabolism does not work like mine.  His hormones do not work like mine.  My dad supported my band and even paid for the deductible for me.  Now, he does not want me to get any sort of surgery that "alters" my insides and so I won't talk to him about it unless he listens.

I hope you can keep strong and ignore those people and do what you need to do. 

Hey you, hang in there! A lot of us experience the doubters before we have surgery. Many convert over to supporters once they see the great results that happen post op. A few will still snicker, and even less will be jealous and sabaoger types. Disregard them. Focus on what your needs are, and surround yourself with like minded souls. If you can't find folks locally, then come hang out with us here on OH. We got your back! Welcome aboard!

I remember not having a support system 4 years ago and that plus some other factors, made me not get the surgery. Today I am a changed woman. I have told everyone ! my coworkers, my kids, even strangers. I need confidence, not just myself that can tell me I can do this. Joining these online groups (this is my first one), will help as well. My orientation is tomorrow and then i guess my pre-op diet starts then too.

Ok, so i am going to say a few things.  One of which I hope you don't take wrong.  It is not meant as an attack.  I'll save that for last.  :)

Firstly, I think taking them to a support group meeting will be important, but DO NOT single them out or make it an "I told you so" situation.  The more they go the more they will understand.  You cannot cram what your restrictions are down their throat just as they can't cram bad food down yours.  It needs to come to them by osmosis.  Maybe ask one at a time to come because you want someone there with you.  

Secondly, are you expecting them to support you because they live with you or are simply "family" and therefor should be supporting you?  Something we need to learn as WLS is supporting ourselves and making choices for ourselves.  That way we have no one to blame but us for our successes and failures.  When we rely on others it is easy for us to then say "I could have made it but I was left alone by so-and-so."

Thirdly, It sounds like you ARE making the right choices and standing strong.  Maybe instead you should start looking at as these are the people around you.  Not a support system.  Why do you need support?  You are a strong man who made a choice and your team is at the doctor's office.  These are the family and friends around you.  Food should have no part of it and if they say something that is diminishing to your success you should just state that your diet is between you and your doctor and that you would rather not have a disagreement on food come between you both.  Don't let food and your relationship with it dictate your relationships with other people.

And second to last, 100G of protein a day?!?!?!  Holy meatballs batman I struggle with 60 a day!  I'm just curious if your doctor has you on so much for a reason.  

Ok, so again, do not think I am attacking.  But you say you almost gagged when you saw what they had in their carts.  And that they think your dietary restrictions are a joke.  My question to you is...So the f@ck what?  Why does it matter what they think about your food and why should it matter what you think about their diet?  They know what is healthy and what is not.  Trust me.  You did, too, when you were at your heaviest.  You just didn't want to ACTUALLY see it.  You can't change what other people are eating, and you shouldn't try to.  If they want to learn more and learn about how to get healthy they will, just like you did, when the time is right.  And that is great that the site of unhealthy food made you feel ill, but that is their food, not yours.  They can't force you to eat it, and you can't force them to eat healthy.  Right now is not the time to become the healthy food crusader out to save your so called support system.  And their eating habits should not interfere with your version of support from them.  You need someone to help you walk around, get out of bed, deal with meds, drive you to doctor appts.  Not sit around and eat the same as you, or change dramatically what they are eating to be around you because it makes you want to vomit.  My kids are eating soups, sandwiches, mac and cheese, lasagna, all sorts of stuff.  My son and daughter are junior chefs and I would never shorten the list of foods they can play with just because I can't eat most of it.  My husband decided to eat the same menu as me, but ONLY because he was ready to change his dietary intake and lose about 20 pounds.  (which he did in the first 3 weeks.  :(  grumble grumble grumble)  The one and only time I got mad was when my mother came over during my pre-op diet (she was one of my support people) with this gourmet pasta dish, cake, and 2 bottles of wine.  then said she was tired and wanted me to cook it all up for her and the kids.  She knew that I had been pulled out of the kitchen during the pre-op diet because the food was tempting.  And it was hard for me to be around it.  Especially a bottle of my favorite wine which at that point I so badly wanted.  I cried through the whole preparation, and was so angry with her.  I think I even posted about it or blogged.  But after I thought about it and she is a saboteur.  Always has been.  And is also fat and doesn't want me to succeed.  So she was removed from my list of people I considered in my Support Team.  I can't change her, and I won't let her try to change me.

Anyway, stay strong.  These first few weeks are hard adjusting.  don't go shopping with people if it makes you angry or sick.  and don't impress your woes on others.  That way when they try to impress their's on you, you can stand up straight and say "I don't do that to you, don't do it to me."

That was long, I'm sorry.  I have a problem.  LOL  My husband called it Diarrhea of the Fingers.