how to deal with the comments...

This is kind of a rant & kind of a request for help, though I know I won't ever say the right thing... Over the past few days, I've gotten the following comments:

1) "You know...you're about ten pounds away from looking like a crack fiend."

2) "You look beautiful, but you don't need to lose anymore weight...don't get anorexic."

I am 5'7 1/2... large framed.  And currently weigh 171 pounds.  I'm still considered "overweight" by BMI standards.  I'm as fit as I've ever been.  I can run 5 miles, I do yoga.  I'm currently in size 10-12, down from 22, over the past 8 months.  My first goal is 170 - I've always said that when I get to 170, I'll assess whether I want to lose more.  I'm leaning towards a goal of 160, which will make my BMI "normal." I realize that's arbitrary, but it will not make me skin and bones. I may not even be in a smaller clothing size!

Why?  Why are these comments okay?  Is it the weight loss over a (perceived) short amount of time that makes people feel it's appropriate or necessary to say things like this?  Oddly, both of these comments were from men, though I've gotten comments from women as well.  

I guess this is better than the "wow...are you glad you did it? I've heard so much about complications" or "you know, my cousin did that and she gained back all her weight and then some."

I'm a polite Southern woman.  I can't eviscerate these people (as I want to do in my head). But I've been so shocked by them that I have been dumbstruck and unable to respond.  How have you responded to these "I'm just looking out for your best interest" comments?

I tend to at least start with "I appreciate your concern and I"m working with my medical team to determine a weight that is healthy for me". I actually had a couple of women this weekend make several comments about how I didn't need to lose any more and that I must want to be "stick thin" to which I told the that I wasn't even at a healthy weight right now and that I think, since 2/3 of America these days are overweight or obese people aren't used to seeing someone at a healthy weight range.

I was polite and then quite firmly changed the subject. If they had continued then I would have had no problems telling them that topic of conversation was finished. 

That's a really good point, Goose!

How about:

"Bless your heart and thanks for your concern.  I'm still a few pounds away from the goal set for me by my physician, and I'm committed to that.  Anyway, I'm a long way off from being underweight.  You know, most Americans are overweight?  So many of us are walking around overweight that we think anything approaching normal is crack fiend weight!"

:)

Perfect! Bless their hearts... :)

I've heard saying "Bless your heart" is akin to "screw you", so maybe something like " What an interesting perspective, bless your heart. "

Yes!  They'll never know what hit em... :)  

"Wait...was that an insult or did she really bless me?"

You're right.  And I meant "bless your heart" exactly in the southern way.... :)

It's a passive aggressive way of saying buzz off.  But people never quite know if you know that and meant it that way....

Steph, we have similar stats and I'm in the same place.  My mom is my worst critic but she doesn't mean to be.  She has called me anorexic, and says she "worries about my health." Both of my parents had RNY, neither made it to goal and both have gained a significant amount back (and keep gaining).  I know it's just that she wishes she "did it right" back in the day, but even now, still continues to make horrible choices.  I think Laura in Texas has said it best (paraphrasing but):  "People are used to the fat you."  The healthy, fit, new, you is foreign to them so they don't know how to react.  I just keep repeating, "No need to worry, I'm finally at a normal weight and my surgeon agrees." 

As I sit here admiring my new size 16.5 slim fit dress shirt, down from a size 19.5, I as a politly as possible, say screw them and the horse they rode in on.  I don't want to come accross as the overbearing New Yorker but maybe that's what I am.  I get all of those comments too.  My mother inlaw told me "she didn't know how she felt about me now".  My Mom is worried about my health.....not when I weight 336 mind you but now.  When I decided to do this, I asked one person in my life for advice, my wife.  She has been very supportive.  Everyone else offered their advice unsolicited. I'm pretty think skinned so for the most part it doesn't bother me.  I think the thing to remeber is we did this for ourselves.  What other people think or say doesn't matter.  As long as you are happy and getting what you want out of it, that honestly is the most important thing!