My two remaining foes: Motivation and Embarassment
I am hoping to get below 200 by the New Year. Will I make it? I hope so but I know there is a chance I won't. If I hold steady at losing about 5 pounds a month like I have been recently I think I will. I have just started to walk at least 3 miles sporadically which I am trying to make a daily thing. First day I walked those 3 miles were killer, I had to wait a week just to recover because my tendons and muscles in my feet and shins hurt pretty bad for about 6-7 days.Good thing is the second day I walked after the week long rest it barely hurt at all and my feet muscles/tendons were only sore for a day or two. I hope to get to the point where I can walk every day for at least 3 miles without being put out of action the next day.
I have a real tough time with motivation. I really want to keep a schedule to do this but sometimes I get it in my head oh it won't matter if I miss a day I'll do it tomorrow, then I think the same thing the next day...and on and on. I feel it is like growing pains of becoming a disciplined person. I feel a great deal of my weigh gain was due to lack of discipline on my part. Well, that and depression but I feel like I shouldn't always just pin it on my depression, it just seems like such an easy excuse to me. I guess it is easy to see it that way now that I am not (as) depressed as I was for over a decade. I have a problem of trying to wait for the "right time" and "perfect moment" as well. It's just bad habits built up over time to perpetuate my procrastinating ways and lack of discipline. It is something I am struggling with and I am sure to continue to struggle with for the foreseeable future.
My other problem is embarrassment. I love to swim, the community I live in has like 3 pools but I have never even considered going into one of them for the years I have lived here. I am just so deathly self conscious that it stops me from doing something I love and would be good for me. I think this issue is even tougher than my motivational one. I realize the only way to get past it is to just face my fear and just go for a damn swim already but it's taking that first step off of the cliff of anxiety that is always the worst.
On a positive note I have gone down two sizes (I used to wear 4x now I wear 2x), and I am closer to 200 pounds than 300 pounds for the first time in over a decade. Things aren't looking all that bad (except for my bat wings).
I think you are doing great to be walking as much as you are. I have the same problem with procrastination. So I decided I would exercise every day without exception. Otherwise I would give myself an excuse and talk myself out of it. I decided to use the recumbent bike as my main exercise, and I can do it any time. When I want to eat between meals, I go down and use the recumbent bike.
Another trick I use is to tell myself. "You need to exercise every day, but if you really hate it you can quit after 3 minutes." Usually once I'm started I keep going.
In terms of swimming, I'd encourage you to just do it. Once you are in the water, you aren't so visible, and most people are busy with their own routine and won't notice you. I swam a lot when I was 350 pounds and greater because it was the only exercise that didn't hurt my knees. I think once you start, you'll be glad you did.
best wishes,
Carol
Surgery May 1, 2013. Starting Weight 385, Surgery Weight 333, Current Weight 160. At GOAL!
Weight loss Pre-op 1-20 2-17 3-15 Post-op 1-20 2-18 3-15 4-14 5-16 6-11 7-12 8-8
9-11 10-7 11-7 12-7 13-8 14-6 15-3 16-7 17-3 18-3
I know, its one of those things that I know intellectually but I let my anxiety get the better of me and I just beat myself up over it. A vicious cycle I think most of the people who have had WLS are probably familiar with.
Thanks for the encouraging words, I bought a recumbent bike awhile ago but I got so bored using it I just didn't keep up. I think walking is a better fit for me, I want to graduate to some easy hiking which seems like it'd be fun.
Short term goal: get in the damn pool in the next month or two...
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/men/
Dude,
This is the link to the Men's forum on OH. Come join in. Excellent support. Start on the shallow end.
I am pre-op, but have started making lifestyle changes so there is less of a culture shock if I get approved for surgery. I also have had depression and anxiety for over a decade (saying "over a decade" makes me feel old, so thanks for that). I have a pool in my condo and wouldn't go in because you have to walk through the gym (where all of the svelte young men are) and I had visions of them laughing at me. I tore my meniscus and couldn't find any other exercise that wouldn't hurt me knee. I got a friend and decided to dive in the pool regardless. To my surprise, other people came and went from the pool and not one person said anything to me aside from a "hello".
I have found writing down my thoughts help. I went to cognitive behaviour therapy for anxiety and have worksheets I can fill out to help me cope with anxious thoughts. I could email you a copy if you like. I filled one out yesterday because I was do anxious I was shaking. I keep convincing myself that 1) I am a failure and 2) I won't be approved for surgery. After working through the sheet I came to the conclusion that I was sticking to the healthy changes I have adapted no matter what and I was going to stop beating myself up for past bad choices.
Referral: February 2015; TWH Orientation: April 2015; Social Worker: June 10, 2015: Nurse Practitioner: June 11, 2015; Nutrition Class: June 15, 2015; Psychometry Assessment: June 16, 2015; Nutrition Assessment: July 22, 2015; NP follow-up: July 28, 2015; Surgeon Consult: August 28, 2015; Surgery: November 6, 2015; Operation: VSG
on 6/14/15 12:54 pm
First of all, way to go with the weight loss! Congrats!
I, too, love swimming but am embarrassed as h*ll to display my fatness in public, especially my thunder thighs. So I wear a pair of lightweight capris over my swimsuit, just enough camouflage to get me into the pool. And even at my still pretty-high weight, there are a lot of people at the pool who are heavier than me and don't seem to mind their appearance. I mentally say "Bravo!" to them for not letting their appearance get in the way of pursuing better health. Jump in the deep end, Somedude! Health and fitness are on the other side.
psychoticparrot
"Live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away."
I am 5'5 and at my highest 280lbs... Every summer my family goes to Florida and long ago I decided that I would not care what others think. People who would have an opinion of what I look like in a suit are not worthy of my time or concern. The most attractive people I see at the pool are the ones wearing a smile... So grin from ear to ear and dive in! God made you beautiful- but not everyone has Godly vision!
