Marriage and Vsg

Good news: you can still enjoy red meat post op! Beef is a major part of my diet.

Anyway, I would say my surgery has definitely affected my marriage for the better. Just by eating what I eat, my husband has lost a lot of weight and he feels great. My one rule before surgery was this: nothing I can't eat in the house. He was free to do whatever he wanted, just not to bring it home. And that's worked really well for us. However, to my delight, he has chosen to adopt great eating and exercise habits. He told me a couple months in that apparently he wanted to avoid a "King of Queens" situation. 

I don't know how to deal with kids but I mean, I eat normal food and I have no problem serving a typical meal of say, steak and salad, to our friends and family. 

Your marriage describes my marriage before I had my surgery.  Now, looking back, we were both very sick - eating ourselves to an early grave - and now, I have had the surgery, lost 78 lbs., feel fantastic, ready to go, go, go and live, live, live and my husband is still overweight and extremely lethargic and apathetic.  It is difficult.  I am encouraging him to have the surgery next year (will have to put him on my insurance) but he is resistant.  He is Type II diabetic with a host of co-morbidities.  As I said, it has been difficult to see one of us get healthy and the other remain sick.  Obesity is a disease/illness.  The dynamics of the relationship have shifted tremendously and I am committed to helping him become healthy so that we can enjoy life together.  Best of luck to you and yours.

It's understandable to have doubts but remember, this surgery should  be done to help you get healthy and stay healthy and spend real time with your family running around out doors enjoying life! Yes your relationship with food will change but being healthy feels so much better than eating that 12 oz steak! Besides, you can still eat steak after surgery, the portions and decisions will have to be different just have 2 oz and some broccoli and eat 2 strawberries for dessert. I struggle with it even now but I would do it again in a heart beat and I would have done it earlier in life! My VSG did impact my marriage but well before I had the surgery. I lost my husband to a heart attack at age 38 because he was obese and even though he was tall (6' 4") he still died so I decided I didn't want to leave my kids parentless so I did the surgey and I am so happy I did! It also impacted my relationship with my kids because now, they have to keep up with me! I am always running and playing and joggging and just enjoying not having all of that extra weight! I would say do it, you will not regret it.

I have some of the same concerns. A lot of my life centers around food. My husband and I eat out several times a week and it's our way to be together, re-connect, and indulge. I am a BIG eater and I was actually worried about never being able to eat as much food as I do currently! I have to keep reminding myself that I CAN still have tastes of everything I like (eventually) and that I shouldn't WANT to eat the hefty portions that I have in the past. 

My husband and I enjoyed going out to eat, and still do.  I usually pick what we are eating and sharing, or I get a soup, or a kids meal and take most home.  We still do and go like we used to I just eat less, and make better choices. 

Thank you all for your reply...  sadly enough, three weeks aways from the surgery date and my husband and I have not completely agree on the outcome of this surgery.  Scary that my issue which are really not surgery related have already impacted my decision on having this surgery.. I may be pulling the plug on this one..

I may get a chance to it some other time...

thanks again for your time and encouraging words.. I will definitely keep them in mind.

Please think about yourself at this critical time. My husband had many of the same concerns, but we talked through them and, eventually, agreed that my health and well-being trumped most everything else. It's only a few days out, but DH is my biggest cheerleader!

They say wls makes a good marriage better and a bad one much worse. I was one of the latter. I divorced about a year post op. There are often a whole array of reasons: often food is a real focus on the marriage when that is gone common ground can be scarce, the weight is the symptom of personal or marital unhappiness, you change... No matter what you think or say... This process changes you. It changes the life you want, the life you feel you deserve, how hard you're willing to fight for it and how much you will now allow others... Even your spouse to interfere with that life. Spouses often become clingy, jealous and sabotage you. They can feel neglected as you become the one everyone is noticing and talking about. All that said I know many who did just fine but I'd dare say I've heard of 6x that who did not... Almost 5 years out I am happily remarried but I am the one who changed... Not my ex husband. I put up with less, found my self worth and decided I wanted more from a partner and more from myself

Great post. Definitely had discussions with hubby about this