Marriage and Vsg

My first interaction with my husband, when we first met, was over lunch. Food has always been a big thing for our family.. we have cook out over the weekends and invite my family over.. we are big red meat lovers.. long story short.. how does vsg inpact relationship when food is one of the connectors to the marriage.. my husband supports me in my decision for this surgery but is now having doubts about how it will impact our relationship.  He likes to eat and I can say I do too. He is overweight as well but he carries it better since he is tall. I am tried of being overweight and just as easy as I got to 300, 400 is lurking around the corner. I want to be healthy and active for our kids and for my marriage. . It's even affected intimacy.. to say the least. I'm a mother of 5 and I know if for sitting with the kids it will affect that.. may even need to prep two meals... it's a life style change I want but maybe to the cost of my family.

did vsg impact your marriage ans or kids. If so, how?

I was a foodie pre-op, I'm still a foodie post-op.  In fact, I probably care even more about what I put in my body.  I would NEVER prep two meals.  I do, however, have a carb that I won't eat on the side for my family.  For example, tonight I made a greek chicken salad that I used to serve in pitas.  I still served pitas for the guys, but I just had the salad in a bowl.  I'll make stir fry and plate mine up without rice, but the guys get rice with theirs.  Same thing for meaty pasta sauces.  

In general, what's healthier for me to eat is healthier for my family to eat and we've all benefited from my lifestyle changes.  If they want something that I won't cook these days, they can make it themselves or get it when we eat out.  

My health improvement has done nothing but improve my relationships.  I'm so much happier with my life and myself these days.  I'm so much more capable of doing all the things I want to do and all the things my partners want me to do.  And they've become more active and healthier during my process as well.  It's pretty amazing :)  

As a long divorced woman, not sure you're looking for my input, but oh well, here goes.  There will be some very significant differences in what you can eat, vs. what your family eats, for the first several months. You and your husband should be prepared for that.  But one of the most common inquiries here on the forum is people wondering if whatever-they're-experiencing will go on like that for the rest of their lives.  No, it won't, and if you and your husband can keep that in mind you'll get through it.  Eventually, when you're eating normal foods, you get to the point where you eat (mostly) the same foods, just smaller quantities, and there will be some things you just don't indulge in.  That *shouldn't* affect your relationship unless you or he lets it. (I have always been a red meat lover, and still am post-surgery and in maintenance - and pork and bacon and ham too - just not such big quantities anymore.)

Good luck!

My husband and I were both big eaters and food was a big part of our relationship.  I cook the same as I always did for my family, but like Gwen said, I skip the rice, pasta or potatoes and stick with the protein.  I am two years out and I wouldn't change a thing.  one thing we had to address is that my husband would end up eating his meal and the rest of mine, so he started gaining weight while I was losing.  Now we end up just splitting meals, which saves money too.

My journey has had a positive impact on all my family members.  My kids eat healthier, too, now. We still have cookouts and family get togethers  which center around food, we just eat less of it.

Food & family will always be a part of your lives. You're just going to enjoy them differently. Try & find activities that you, your husband & your kids can enjoy together. Go to a museum or the park, enjoy a picnic, play frisbee or catch. My family likes to go to an international food market & we'll come home & try different veggies & seasonings that we'll cook with that night. As you lose weight, you will find it so much easier to get around & trust me, your intimacy will improve.

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my question. You all have pointed out some really good facts that I need to discuss with my husband.. he really thinks that I would completely be separated/excluded from my family's activities and so forth. I just need to keep reminding ourselves of the positive to this surgery.

I have to admit that I sometimes struggle when the rest of the family is chowing down on birthday cake or something I shouldn't eat, that I really struggle.  But, I think my marriage has improved in that I feel so much better about myself, that I'm so much happier, that he is happier too.  My husband is gaining weight too, because he eats what I don't and because I love to cook but I'm not eating as much.  For example, if I made cinnamon rolls, I'll eat a few bites of one and then he and the kids eat the rest.  I've started making half recipes of things like that.  We also eat a lot of red meat, and that hasn't changed.  My nutritionist recommended lean cuts of meat, but I eat delicious cuts of meat.  So, we eat rib eyes and fillets and they are wonderful.  Good luck in your decision!  I can tell you that my husband wouldn't have it any other way.  Oh, and one more thing, since you mentioned intimacy... I was worried that my husband wouldnt' be attracted to me after losing weight because he has always said he likes big girls.  Well, it turns out that he likes me.  And it doesn't matter if I'm fat or thin.  I was really worried about that and actually he was too.  Not that he wouldn't be attracted to me but that I wouldn't be attracted to him since he is chubby.  But, really, we are so much happier all the way around. :)

I understand exactly what you are saying and I had the same fears! After my surgery I asked my husband to prepare the food for he and my son for about 2 months.  After that I started cooking but I like those above started skipping out on the pasta, bread and rice.  My hubby and I go out to dinner and have people over all the time now (10 months out) but I eat smaller and more protein.  I usually will get an appetizer for my meal and pick on his main course. Point is I still enjoy food, just not as much.  I am so glad I made the decision to have the surgery.  I hope this helps you.  Good Luck!

I never prepped two separate meals - I would make the protein and veggie and cook an additional carb that my husband or guests could add on the side if they wanted.  

It really did impact my marriage but not in the way you may think.  After seeing me lose all my weight and get healthier, my husband decided to get VSG too - 11 months after me.  Best decision of our lives! 

Nothing has changed with regard to my marriage since surgery-- everything is peachy. We can still go out to eat together, I've found things that I can eat (and take home leftovers) at pretty much every place we like to go. When I cook, I just make a tiny portion for myself and usually skip the side dishes. And red meat is no problem! I usually eat a lot of chicken, but if we want steak, I can absolutely have a small portion.

Sure, it takes some practice to figure out how to re-arrange the things that you used to cook, but it's totally do-able. :)