X post - When is what you're doing good enough? (super long)

I posted this on a different board, but was thinking it might be helpful as a reminder to those early out that VSG works on your stomach, not your head. Losing weight with VSG was much easier than it was in the past for me. I followed the rules and felt I had this lifestyle down,  but I NEVER really addressed the underlying issues and eating behaviors that helped me become obese. For me that turned out to be an important missing item in my recovery from obesity.

Again, my story. Take what you like, leave the rest.

When is what you’re doing really good enough?

I read a line in apple’s post this morning that just struck me. Now I’m not saying there was anything wrong at all with what she said, which was “Need to shave the calories and eat a bit earlier.” The phrase just struck me and I had to think about why.

What came to me was her statement stirred a strong feeling in me about the intensity with which we scrutinize our eating on a daily basis. I am beginning to understand that for me this type of scrutiny and continual micromanagement of my eating life is detrimental to me in the long run. It’s because instead of giving my body time to adjust to what I’m doing to shed a pound or two or thirty I become so focused on the scale I NEED to see it move down each day.

To accomplish that movement downward I can obsess on what I did WRONG that day before to inhibit the movement downward. I forget to acknowledge all the things I actually did RIGHT to facilitate weight loss over time. I have to ask myself what is going to benefit me most in the long run. Is it focusing on losing weight, what I did wrong to impede weight loss, or is it focusing on the changes I’m making little by little to correct my disordered eating? I think the answer is all three of those things.

I think for those of us who have had WLS and have regain it’s really important to focus on the eating behaviors that encouraged weight gain. Clearly for us having WLS was not the complete answer. Even though we were able to make our weight goals, we didn’t understand the full extent of our eating habits. I know that I have certain trigger foods. I’m learning how to deal with those. I also know that I eat when I’m stressed and when I’m bored even if I am not hungry. (Incidentally, stress and boredom are the two most common situational triggers among the obese!) There are, of course, many more things to consider in this category, too, like mindful eating, restrictive eating behaviors, eat-repent cycles, last supper eating, etc… Every time I acknowledge and work on these issues I am making slow and steady progress. I have come to accept it is a SLOW work.

When I focus on what I did wrong, I find I put myself into a negative cycle that only leads to more negativity, which in turn will lead to giving up what I’m trying to do and succumb to a why-bother attitude, which can lead to a binge cycle. Acknowledging eating behaviors I want to change and understanding what prompted the behaviors is fine. Telling myself that tomorrow I am NOT going to, let’s say eat chocolate, stopped working a long time ago. I just didn’t know it. I can "NOT DO" something for a few days, but then I err and I get upset with myself and they cycle of poor eating choices starts. Then I repent and vow to start anew (after a last supper, of course!).

I want to lose weight. Oh, God hear me, I do. But I’m beginning to understand on a much deeper level that my extra weight is really a symptom of the eating behaviors I am working on changing. I am working on this process daily and even hourly. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes the scale defies me! But the scale has taught me that I can have a 3,4, or even 5 pound fluctuation for no apparent reason. I can change virtually nothing and gain a few pounds and suddenly lose it overnight or over the course of a few days. I have gotten accustomed over the past weeks to this fluctuation and it doesn't bother me as it once did.

I desperately want to lose weight. Yet more than that I want off the disordered eating merry-go-round! So, that is my chosen focus right now. Weight loss on the back burner while the focus is on disordered eating behaviors and modifying those. I think in a few months when I get a better handle on my actual eating behavior and the underlying issues that cause the behaviors, I will better be able to focus on weight loss in a way I have never done before.

Want to know what I did today? I skipped eating my morning snack because I wasn’t hungry! Go figure. I listened to my body. Am I a little worried that I may be over hungry at lunch? Yep, a little, but I’ll see what happens.

I sometimes post what I need to sort through and hope it will help others. For those of us with regain, it’s a slower process back to goal weight and if we’re going to keep it off forever this time we have a lot more work to do than just limiting calories.

It’s baby steps. Baby steps.

I love this thoughtful post.  Thank you for sharing.  The struggle is real.  xoxo

Baby steps indeed! I think we can all relate.

I read every word and all of it resonated with me.  As I'm getting ready to have plastics in 2 months the crazy little voice in my head said "it'd be better if you lost 10 lbs before surgery".  Even though the doctor was clear that I do not need to lose more weight.  

I started down this path for about half a day and then said "STOP!"  I realized that I was engaging in the same destructive behavior pattern that I had all my life.  Set up some crazy goal (lose X amount of lbs by this wedding...or graduation date...or party...or vacation) and then the rebellious child in me digs in her heels after a couple days and I go the exact opposite direction!

Dieting, deprivation and a list of "do not eat" or "shall not eat" foods has never, ever worked for me.  Oh, I'll do well for a couple weeks...but then all hell breaks lose as my inner 2-year throws a tantrum and eats everything in sight.  

So, much like you, I'm learning to accept where I'm at right now (which is more than a couple pounds over my ideal weight) and focus on behaviors.  The struggle is real and I'm praying that with practice it will get easier.  

Thanks for a wonderful post! 

ETA:  I just had this vision of myself in the nursing home as a little old lady sneaking extra cookies off the plate when no one is looking.  God, PLEASE let me get a handle on this before then!  

Oh Tracy, 

I could have written this myself!!!

especially the inner 2 yr old throwing a tantrum!

i also put these wild expectations on myself

( I will be 140 lbs by the party or I will look fat and horrible)

and I NEVER seem to hit those ultimatums because I sabotage myself the NANO-second 

the scale doesn't move! SMH...

thank you for your post,I don't feel so alone..thinking everyone else is all sunshine and roses

maintaining without a problem, where my maintence has been the hardest part of this,

cause guess what..I have an eating disorder an addiction and all I can wish for is the ability to 

have impulse control and at the times I don't the clarity to stop the behavior quickly..

Hugs to you, soul sister!  

Thanks for this post. It spoke to me. I really needed that today :)

Thank you so much for posting.  You are able to put into worlds what I am feeling and doing as well.  Regain made me feel like a failure.  So I immediately thought a corruptive action was needed and I went to the extreme of severe retraction.  As you said worked for awhile lost some and then the rapid cycle behavior started.  It is exhausting. By not focusing on the number and taking similar steps in being in touch with what my body needs and not what my head sometimes wants I have stopped the regain and feel more at peace.  I have done a great deal of work on my disordered eating, but I realized kindness and compassion for all those disconnected parts of me that I deadened with food were not included in my recovery.   I know this might not be favorable for some to hear, but I have stopped weighing and measuring my food.  I eat whole foods because it makes me feel good.  The foods I eat when I am not hungry usually do not fall into this category.  I think knowing what triggers behavior is crucial for me.  I like the thread title.  When I wake up every day, I ask myself what I have enough of right now.  I did an online course that helped me understand my fear of scarity as well as living in the present.   I will be 3 years out in June and am learning more about myself each day.  On most days I know longer see the eating disorder as a curse, but an opportunity to learn about myself and live my best life.  On my more challenging days I don't want to be in my own head.  I have lost some weight and am now living with a 10 pound regain.  The amazing thing is today I am okay with that.  I am just working on this from a different approach.  Again thanks for your thoughtful and insightful post.  Best.

Kairk,

Thank you so much for this post. I so appreciate how open you are with your journey and your willingness to share with the rest of us. Much of what you said speaks to me as I continue to remind myself that working to "fix my head" is one of the most important steps in this journey. 

Thanks for posting such a thoughtful & insightful post!

The head thing is really a pain in the ass to work thru & I realize it's something that I will always have to deal with, & to not fool myself that just because whenever I get to goal that all my food issues will disappear.

Recognizing the problem & taking steps to resolve it is a good thing & congrats to you for tackling the mental aspect of weight loss, not everyone does.