No Support ... need advice

Hello, I'm new to this support site and first I want to thank you in advance for reading this and trying to help. I am just coming to terms with the fact that I am morbidly obese. I have always tried to see myself as smaller then I was and after many different types of diets I decided to look into weight loss surgery as a tool to jumpstart me back to where I need to be to live a healthy life. However I decided not to tell anyone I was doing this. I went to my first appointment Wednesday and left feeling super positive knowing that I was making a change in my life and was in good hands. I am scheduled for VSG in Sept. But as soon as I got in my car the dread started... I had to talk to my Mother and Husband since they are usually my biggest supporters. My mother is my very best friend and herself is morbidly obese (350lbs) but has always talked about weight loss surgery as though it was " the easy way out" and for people who are "lazy", while she goes "vegan" and basically starves herself into losing 50 or 60 pounds just to gain it right back. My husband is however is in some ways totally opposite. He is 6'2 and only 145 lbs and genuinely says he loves me just the way I am and doesn't want me to lose weight.

So I told my mother first... and Of course she was not happy....she ranted and raved about how I need to try harder and" its surgery you could die and leave your 2 beautiful babies without a mother.". I know she says all this because she really does care but I don't think she understands how hard I have tried and how unhappy I am like this.

I still haven't gotten the courage to talk to my husband yet. I feel like something is wrong with me. I was so excited knowing I could do this and for once do something solely "for me" but now I am really struggling to tell him.

Does anyone have any advise about how I go about telling my husband? Should I forget the surgery since I don't have a lot of support?

Well, the good news for you is that you don't need anyone else's support to take your health into your own hands and to make choices for your own body!  For me, that's pretty empowering knowledge.  While it would certainly be cool if the people in your life did support you - you don't need them to.  

You might consider telling your husband that you've decided to pursue weight loss surgery and that you'd like him to go to an information seminar with you.  Lots of the time fear over the whole WLS thing stems from a lack of knowledge and information.  So perhaps by addressing that you can help your husband to be supportive of your health choices.  

(And who knows, maybe your success will inspire your mother!)

Hannah wrote: "My husband is however is in some ways totally opposite. He is 6'2 and only 145 lbs and genuinely says he loves me just the way I am and doesn't want me to lose weight."

 

Even if he doesn't want you to lose weight, he surely must be concerned for your health, if not now, then in the years to come. Be armed with the facts about the dangers of obesity. If he genuinely loves you, he'll have to agree that weight loss via sleeve surgery is the best thing you can do for yourself, him, and your children.

Do Not give up on the surgery even if you don't have support. Once your mom and husband star****ching your transformation from unhealthy obesity to health and happiness, they'll get on board. How could they not?

BTW, your husband, at 6'2" and 145 pounds, must be a string bean! People who have never experienced how debilitating obesity is, often don't understand how desperately we struggle with our weight. My sister (5'1"), who weighs 90 pounds dripping wet, once told me during a discussion of my struggles to avoid overeating, "But it's so easy!" My response: "For you, I'm sure it is." They don't get it.

Good luck with your new journey. I know it's not the same as having family support, but the people on this forum will always be ready to provide understanding and help if you need it.

 

psychoticparrot

Follow your instincts. Fix your health issues without regard to what others think. My husband attended my first WLS seminar. All of his concerns were addressed and we had no problems.

I was in the same boat 4 months ago when I decided to have surgery and went to my first seminar. I was terrified to tell my husband and family. I bit the bullet and told him. He was very surprised I wanted this. I explained the procedure, why I felt I needed this and that I had tried so hard with diets only to fail. I was brutally honest and told him I was terrified of dying early in life from a heart attack, stroke, etc from all my extra weight. He was completely supportive and still continues to be. I brought it up by saying "I'm going to a seminar this weekend I'm interested in." My husband asked "for what?" And that's how our conversation began. Good luck in whatever you choose but I have found most people to be supportive. Worried, of course, but supportive. Just be prepared for a lot of questions. 

Congrats! on your decision.   No one can take control of your life but you!   No one know what you want truly in your heart but you!

Tell them how you feel and ask them to support you.

It's a good decision.  I am 9 weeks post op - 

 

XOXO

Hi
Today is 4 years from my VSG. I am grateful every day for my decision to do this surgery. I too have two kids and a husband that loves me how I was. He did not want me to have the surgery because he was scared and did not get how hard the weight struggle is.
I did it 100% for me and I am so glad I did. Mind body and soul it has helped me. I went from dreading having to go out somewhere to being excited about which outfit I will wear. And I am not a girlie girl. I have never really been into clothes but when everything fits and looks good it makes all the difference. I am now a size 4 and a small. It is crazy for me to really take in and think about it. I only have one size wardrobe in my closet. Not only is my health better from it but my confidence too.
If you make the decision to do it you need to really be ALL IN. Make sure you find the best most reliable doctor you can find and make sure you stick to the plan. Don't find excuses to get around what you should be eating. It will truly be life changing!
Good luck!