What would you say?

i have been dreading telling my younger brother about my surgery. We are 20 months apart and extremely close. He is very physically fit and all about working out and eating right. Today I finally told him about the surgery, where I am in the process, why I want this, what the procedure entails, what it will be like after surgery, etc, etc. He was speechless. After he gathered his thoughts he told me surgery is not the natural way to do this, if I just changed my habits I could do this over a few years on my own with dedication, this is the easy way out, the surgery isn't going to fix everything, this is not a healthy way to go about this and that I should look up on the internet stories of people who lost a lot of weight on their own because it can be done. Before all this I told him I didn't just wake up one day and think hey I think I'll have surgery. This has been a process and if I could have done it on my own, I would have. I've tried. Nothing I said mattered. I've finally stopped crying but what would you all say to this that I might have missed? Any advice or words of wisdom would be great. My parents, other sibling (younger sister) and husband have all been totally supportive. I was not prepared for this from my sibling. 

I'm sorry that you're going thru this. I would have said & I did say the same things you did. I have a sister who is a nurse and thinks she knows all things medical. I got basically the same thing your brother said with the medical precautions thrown in. Take the support from those who are on your side, it sounds like you have a great team of support there. My friends and my parents were my biggest cheerleaders. My Dad was my biggest supporter and he has passed away since my surgery. I was six months out Friday & I had my family including my sister over for a bbq this afternoon. My sister told me that my Dad would be proud of me and she was sorry she was on board at first. She has witnessed my progress and she has seen my body change, my health come back and can also see my confidence shine thru. Give your brother some time. Go with your strength and support! You got this. Hang in there!

There is really nothing you can say to him and you'll probably have to just agree to disagree. Statistically very few people who lose weight the "natural" way keep it off long term. He isn't likely to change how he feels, at best just don't bring it up again with him now that you know how he feels. It's not like you need his permission, it would be nice but he probably won't change his ideas. Just go ahead get the surgery and show him how great you can be. You have alot of other support and that's more than many people have.

They are learning more and more about weight loss and how it affects the body and there are many physical and mental aspects involved in losing weight and some of us are just wired differently. Some can be like your brother and lose everything with exercise and diet, others like us need some alterations to the body to get the same results. No matter how it is done or how it works you are still going to have to diet and exercise so you 2 can swap recipes and work out together, this will just give you a level playing field for weight control. This will make your body work more like a normal persons instead of someone who is not working in full control.

So best case scenario you tell him you are sorry he doesn't agree but that you will still be having the surgery and you hope he will support your efforts and maybe you can workout together. I think that is probably the best you can hope for.

I am sorry that your brother responded this way.  I am very much an outcast from my family already, so when I told my brother, it wasn't a big deal.  Very few people actually know about my surgery.  I fought with myself over WLS for over a decade and I was initially against it because I thought I was taking the "easy" way out.  Obviously having gone through it at this point, I know that it's not the easy way out, if anything it's one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through in my life.  The easy way would be to just not do anything at all.  Yes there are people out there who have done it on their own.  Surgery is still doing it on your own.  It's a way to force yourself to change your lifestyle, and there's a lot of psychology involved.  I was to a point where I couldn't exercise without hurting myself or having severe pain afterwards to the point where I couldn't exercise for weeks afterwards.  I was at my wits end with it and I finally swallowed my pride and accepted the fact that I needed this surgery in order to live a longer and healthier life. 

I understand that his reaction is likely out of the fact that he loves you dearly and wants the best for you, but educating him and having him do research on the process and the surgeries might help him come around.  Maybe invite him to go along with you to a doctors visit or group meeting if possible.  I wish I had better advice.  I wish you the best with the situation. 

I'm sorry to hear how he reacted.  It seems like you've told him everything there is to know.  You know what's best for you and need to proceed with your plan.  Unfortunately you may have to go ahead without his approval.  In time he may come around.  Maybe talking to the rest of the family would help.

I'm sorry your brother reacted the way he did, but there are going to be those that just won't understand. You'll just have to keep plugging along, maybe down the road he'll change his mind, maybe not, concentrate on the fact that you're doing the best thing possible for yourself & he can either get on board or get out of the way. 

You can always tell him there are plenty of people on the internet that have lost weight & more than half gain it back. Keep your head up & be proud you are doing  what's good for you, not about what's good & acceptable to him.

Way more than half gain it back.  The statistics I see say 95% - 98% of people who lose more than 50 pounds will gain it all back within 5 years.  I have never known anyone who succeeded without surgery for more than 5 years.

Whenever I tell someone, the VERY FIRST thing I say is that if they have any negative thoughts or comments, they can keep them to themselves, I don't want to hear them. They can hate what I chose to do all they want, but I don't want to heart it. So far I have only had one person question my choice, and that was because she didn't think I was 'big enough to need surgery' which I guess is flattering, considering I weighed 285 when she said it.

This is YOUR choice, YOUR life, YOUR health and future. I know that it hurts to have someone so close to you not be supportive, but at the end of the day your choice has nothing to do with him. Tell him that you would appreciate his support, but if he's not willing to keep his negative opinions to himself that this subject is completely off-limits. 

Well meaning relatives can be challenging, can't they?

The way I looked at my situation was to look at the data.  Diet and exercise alone don't work for most people, especially when you are a significant amount overweight.  I did the research, and most studies conclude that about 5% of people who go on a diet succeed, where success is defined as keeping off most of the weight lost for five years.  Well, I was diagnosed with morbid obesity.  That means I was so fat that it was threatening my life.  If I had walked into a hospital with any other life threatening condition and someone said "I will prescribe this treatment for you.  It has been shown to be 5% effective in curing people who have what you have", I would have said "you are a quack - get out of here and send in the person who knows what they are doing."  But somehow people think the conventional diet and exercise advice is the way to go.  It never was for me - my success rate with it over time had been 0%.  This is despite dieting since I was 14 years old.

I believe in doing what works.  Weight loss surgery has a vastly greater success rate than diet and exercise alone - upwards of 70%.  I like 70% way better than 5%.  I also like my blood work numbers and clothing size numbers after having lost 115 pounds.  

And as for people who say I took the easy way out?  I don't wash my clothes in the river, or sew all my own clothes, or hunt and gather all my own food either.  Most people use modern conveniences - why not do the same for something as important as your health?  In the final analysis, I don't really care what they think, it's my quality of life that matters to me.

My guess is when he sees how much better your health is, he'll come around.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry about how your brother reacted. But its not the easy way out, its a lot of work both physically and mentally. When he sees you succeed and become healthy he will be supportive. You don't just have surgery and magically become super thin over night. Do whats right for you.  

I had a similar fear of telling my little brother who is very physical and a Personal trainer. Luckily he had seen my journey over the years and how hard its been for me to  and he was luckily very supportive.

I hope your brother comes around to and can be a support for you new journey. No matter what know he loves you and he will be happy for your success.