Anyone ever have an unsupportive spouse?

Anyone ever have an unsupportive spouse?  who use to nag at no end due to weight.

even though they said they would be there? then the spouse who was once fit gains weight and you actually find  yourself no longer attracted to them ..at all.

That sounds miserable. Couples counseling might help if your partner is willing, otherwise I'd get in touch with a divorce lawyer. Staying in a marriage to someone who is unsupportive and unattractive isn't noble or healthy. 

marriage takes work, a lot like losing weight takes work.  Prior to my surgery at first my husband didn't support my decision but eventually came around.  I love my husband but we both have to work at it, we can both be difficult people...I think my husband is attractive but his looks aren't what I fell in love with.  Marriage is hard sometimes, ups & downs, as Gwen mentioned above if you want to stay married couples counseling will help, we've done it.  Good luck

I remember hearing or reading that the divorce rate is very high among people who have had WLS.  My husband and I had an interesting conversation yesterday.  He has been concerned about his weight now for a while...since a few months after my surgery.  He initially said that my weight loss was causing him to gain weight, because he would finish what I couldn't.  But, then, yesterday, he said that he was concerned that I was not going to be attracted to him any more and that I would leave him because I'm so thin and sexy now (his words) and he is just fat.  I, on the other hand, was concerned that he would no longer be attracted to ME because all these years he's been telling me he likes big girls and I'm not a big girl any more.  It was kind of ironic.  We still love each other very much and are still very attracted to each other.  I don't mind that he has put on a couple of pounds and he said that he loves me more every day.  I guess my point is, maybe he is feeling a bit intimidated by your sexy self and he needs reassurance that you still love him.  Or, if you don't, and you aren't attracted to him at all, maybe it is time to split.  Hopefully you don't have any children who will be effected by your choice.

I get bothered by people putting too much emphasis on looks and no longer being attracted to someone (for whatever reason). No one is guaranteed that they will be hot and sexy all their life. Weight issues aside... we do get old and wrinkly... so attraction is really a flimsy post to hang your marriage on.

Here's my thoughts... is this the first time he has been unsupportive? Probably not. I'd say, in general, his personality has been pretty much the same for the most part. The change has probably come from within you. Meaning, some things that were "ok" before may not be "ok" with you now. I know I used to take a lot of mess off others because I felt that was about what I deserved. I didn't feel that I could do much better.

What you need to do is look at your relationship. Is your marriage worth saving? Keeping in mind that love is a choice you make everyday... not the presence or absence of the warm gushy feelings... but a choice. There are plenty of days that my husband upsets me or makes me angry; however, I love him. You have to decide if you choose to love your husband everyday. Counseling is a good place to start. But I disagree with the notion that you should toss your marriage just because you aren't attracted to your husband. I think attraction will follow the choice.

But that's my two cents.

I also think that people will seek out those who will tell them what they want to hear... to sort of justify a decision they have already made in their heart. I would look inward as opposed to eliciting others' opinions. Divorce is a horrible and difficult thing, even when you loath the person you are with. Been there, done that. My point is... think long and hard. Try counseling. Marriage is the toughest job I know...

1. Seek counseling at least for you. 

2. These are his issues. You need to decide do you want to work on it and will he even try?

3. Ask yourself are you in s safe environment?

4. I would not find the nagging attractive and would have left him at any weight, but that is me and this is you.

The answer to this question for me about my spouse would be a matter of perspective. Is he supportive in that  he has taken really good care of me post-surgery? Yes.  Did he hold my hand when I was dehydrated and my veins kept collapsing on the nurses and they had to find new, creative and painful places to put in a needle? Yes. Did he love me and tell me that I am beautiful before my surgery and beg me not to have it? Yes.  On the flip side of that he is really tall and skinny and we have a 13 year old boy who is eating like a monster right now. So, yes I cook them food I can not eat like pizza here and there. We went bowling the other night and they got bowling alley food and it made them both ill because I cook healthy for them. He also has a sweet tooth and will crawl in to bed with cake or pie or whatever. Some people would find his behavior very insensitive but personally it does not bother me what he eats. 

I wish you luck. 

I suggest you not act quickly. Take some time, I also believe attraction and loving someone is a choice. You have to be intentional with your love and feelings. I suggest you read the 5 love languages, and the Love dare and apply them, if afterwards there's no change then maybe it's time for a change. Good luck. 

Also wanted to add that it's amazing the change in attraction you will feel if you do love him, like if I didn't know my husband I might not think he was very attractive, but I do love him and so I love his smile, his strong arms, his eyes, etc. Your act of loving can change your physical feelings of attraction. So get your heart and head in the right place and you may just find yourself extremely attracted to him physically. When I am upset with him or have a bad attitude I sometimes am not attracted to him at all. Kwim?