That's it, I'm officially insane

Sigh. My dance movement therapist had to cancel since she has the flu. (I'm glad she cancelled, I don't want to catch it!) But, sigh, I really need to get digging into this mental health thing in a more intense way than the talk therapy I've been doing. 

And it sucks, because when I talk about it I feel like I'm being judged for being ungrateful for my progress with changing my life and losing a lot of weight. I am thrilled with my weight loss, and I love my new lifestyle, but I don't even know who I am anymore and that's a scary way to feel.

Hang in there Gwen.  Something that has been on my mind a lot lately; former meditation studies taught me that the Buddist belief and way of thinking that our lives are like a flowing river that is constantly always changing have come to my thoughts a lot lately.  This past teaching that I remembered came to my mind when looking at some pictures the other day...in each picture since my surgery I have changed and notice something different in each one, in my way of thinking hopefully each time making a positive change, a lot stays the same but improvements get made along the way.  Stay at peace or strive to and let us both strive to love ourselves even our new selves more; I too am working on that.  I am often bothered by past thoughts of my mistakes but I've learned and grown from each one of them and try to think of that instead.  What I remembered from my past studies is this ..."The second universal truth of the Buddha is that everything is continuously changing. Life is like a river flowing on and on, ever-changing. Sometimes it flows slowly and sometimes swiftly. It is smooth and gentle in some places, but later on snags and rocks crop up out of nowhere. As soon as we think we are safe, something unexpected happens."  I hope this doesn't sound like gibberish to you.  Hang in there!  You're still you just a more learned and better version of your former self.

You're like an unwrapped gift. Think about what you want to find inside and let that be what you find when you rip the paper off. You're constantly helping people here, you obviously care and want people to do well. Take this chance to reinvent the new improved you. Love yourself, it's so important, I've been trying to teach myself to love myself, that I deserve to be loved. All the outside **** is just surface anyway. whatever happens, don't stress on it, let it happen. You'll find you're worth it.

Woo hoo you, running in costume would be a hoot.  Life is about change.  No one stays static throughout their lives.  We evolve and grow from our experiences.  The new you that you have trouble relating to is going to be your friend, your confidant, your cheerleader, your soul mate, your confidence, and hopefully the love of your life.  Treat her kindly.  Be proud of her.  Encourage her.  She is you and you deserve all those things.