Bitter sweet motivation

Im sort of wallowing in a shallow pit of self pity, but the good news is that im slowly climbing out of it. 

For those that dont know, Ive had some serious back problems (and other health issues) over the last year. Unfortunately, instead of doing what I needed to do, and lose the extra lbs I needed to, i put on more than a couple lbs this year. Nothing like some good old self destruction while I sat around and felt sorry for myself. I dont know if that will ever change - I had this surgery to be active, to become the athlete that I always wanted to and then I had a major obstacle.

After lots and lots of problems and doctors and specialists, my rheumatologist told me that he's pretty sure I have rheumatoid arthritis.  I really want to cry and scream and throw a fit - I feel like my health has deteriorated pretty rapidly since WLS - i know that is not related, and I know that I seriously damaged my body by running around with 250 extra lbs on it...Its a hard pill to swallow for sure, but I can only blame myself. 

But, over the last couple weeks, ive been back on the weight loss track...I know i can NOT let this derail me right now. The last damn thing I need is even a single more pound for my poor broken body to carry around. 

So, I have no clue what my future looks like right now, but I know that I have to focus and commit to losing the rest of my weight. Im sure a good 50 lbs will help a lot with all the back ive been having, and maybe i''ll get some relief in my hip (i think my giant swollen ass hand is screwed - not a lot of fat to get rid of there!) Im slowly trying to balance life, weight loss and health. Pain and fatigue are my #1 triggers and it looks like I have a lot of that in the coming years so once I get new insurance in a couple weeks, I will definitely find an excellent therapist to help me...until then, I'll just do what I can. 

The next time you want to grab some cookies, or cake, or chocolate delights....think about your body. Its more than just WL and counting calories and carbs. Dont lose sight of the big picture - we all have a lot of life to live...and we need strong healthy bodies to live life to the fullest. 

Oh, Allison, I am really sorry to hear about the RA diagnosis on top of all your other issues. My dad has it and my grandma had it and I've been pretty much terrified of getting it my whole life. I enjoy reading your posts because you are so strong and brave and you NEVER give up. I'm thinking about you and rooting for you. Thank you for the reminder about keeping the big picture in sight.

Over the last year I developed RA in my knee joints and am almost certain I am getting it in my hips.  It makes exercise unbearable but we know it's necessary to continue and maintain weight loss.  Good luck on your journey and try not to get down on yourself! 

Thanks for the timely reminder Allison.  Hugs to you, and hope that you can find an effective treatment for the RA and find a little peace.

Hi Allison,

I'm so sorry to hear about the rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis.  I hope they can find an effective treatment. 

You have come so far.  Please think about the 220 pounds lost and how EXCELLENT that is.  You are so much healthier now than when you started.  Keep the faith and you'll get to goal. 

best wishes,

Carol

Sending hugs and prayers your way....you are a strong, caring and brave woman!!! You CAN do this. Barb

I want to let you know that you are not alone. I have degenerative cartilage loss in both knees and now arthritis has set in. I used to walk 3 miles a day every day now I do good if I can walk down the hall without my knees giving out. You have always been an inspiration to me and I am sending healing and supportive prayers your way. Take care and have a great holiday.

Hugs to you Alison. 

I know how you feel and it can be so damn overwhelming. I just try to do the best I can each day and if I have a bad eating day (like yesterday), I make sure that it's JUST ONE DAY. 

Take care, hun. You totally got this. 

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  You are such an inspiration to everyone!!  I love your honesty.  I also have RA.  Hopefully, with the right disease-modifying RA combination, you will feel better.  You might not be able to exercise at the intensity you want but you can still exercise.  Hugs to you!

Hi it's me my friend! I didn't know about your recent diagnosis and that goes to show that we haven't talked for a while and that makes me really sad. But on a greater note I'm so happy that you're coming to visit me today and spend some special time with me and my family. I love you girl don't forget it. I cannot wait to see you!

I promise to pass on the birthday cake and ice cream today for my son's birthday. I'll make sure you & I some good stuff for us to eat here!  MUAH!!!