1 year @ goal - ridiculously long, but with pics!

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of reaching my goal weight. I am currently not at goal.  I gained some weight between February and June and then packed on a few more while on a stressful visit back east. I could be upset by this fact, but I chose not to be. I know exactly what my behaviors were to gain the weight. I have been honest with myself and with guidance I have come to understand the root of many of my food behaviors.

I will admit that I had feelings of guilt, disappointment and even failure arise because I was no longer at my set goal weight. Yet, I knew that if I sat in those feelings, the inevitable result would be even more gain. I have been down that road before. It is a vicious emotional cycle. I’m afraid many of us know that cycle all too well. Knowing that negative emotions aimed at myself and my perceived shortcomings would be counter productive, I worked very hard at understanding the motivations behind the behaviors that allowed me to gain 10-12 pounds.

The point for me is not that I gained a few pounds and am now working on getting back into a new goal range that makes more sense for me. The point for me is that I am in control of my weight. I was in control when I gained a few pounds. I am in control now that I’m back in WL mode. I will be in control when I’m back where I wish to be.

Using my VSG tool effectively isn’t difficult. I follow “The Rules”. There are a million and one posts on what the rules are and how to get back on track, what plans to follow, and that sort of thing. I won’t go into that.

What I think is worth sharing is that I probably learned more about myself and my food behaviors by gaining those pounds than I would have had I been “perfect” and stayed precisely in my original goal range. You see, had I not allowed myself to become derailed by my “sweet tooth” I wouldn’t have learned to just how strong my desire for sweets really is. I honestly didn’t realize prior to VSG that I am a sugar seeker.
If I hadn’t ventured back into the land of treats, I still would be unaware of the degree to which I can be driven by my supposed need for sugar. So, as loathe as I am to admit it, I’m a little bit grateful for these added pounds. They’ve taught me something about myself I really didn’t understand at a core level before. Now that I “get it” I am able to work with that truth about myself.

I’m also learning how I can work with myself to live my VSG maintenance life and be a continued success because I am in control. (See, I’m not thinking of this bit of gain as a failure - just a bump in the road.) I know now that for me certain foods are better left alone. Those are the foods I consider baked goods - white flour, sugar, fat combo foods. I can handle a little pasta or rice or even a bite or two of potato. Those things don’t have much effect on me. But the baked goods - um, not so much. Sort of my personal food heroin! Should I want something of that nature I need to be prepared for the aftermath and have an escape route planned out ahead of time. For now, I’ve decided I just don’t want to deal with those things so they are temporarily off limits for me. Not forever, but for now.

Other foods I have trouble with are nuts. Nuts are nibble food for me. They are sliders and generally leave me wanting more.  Peanuts, cashews, pistachios are the worst. I can manage dry roasted almonds, but I do have to count them out and only eat 5 at a time. Nuts are also a calorie dense food for which I don’t have room in my WL plan. I have never considered nuts a good source of protein either. So I use nuts as a healthy source of fat. Nuts are really condiments for me now - a little crunch with a yogurt or salad, or maybe 5 with my late afternoon meal of hard boiled egg or meat with fresh, raw vegetables.

I am still working through my BMI issues. The Boy Scouts of America BMI regulations really made me realize how far I’ve come in accepting my body as an individual. I find it ridiculous that I am “unhealthy” according to that chart. It truly is laughable. I am healthy and I am strong. That chart is losing its hold on me. My labs tell me just how healthy I truly am. I got my labs back today for my annual on Friday. All is where it should be, though I’d like my cholesterol down just a bit. But my A1C, glucose levels, actually everything else is just perfect. My BP when checked last week was 111/64.

At 19 months post VSG I have discovered a few truths. Some are good. Some are challenging. I think my most challenging and simultaneously freeing truth is this:
I have to work harder than most “normal” people to maintain my weight. I have to eat fewer calories and workout a lot harder than some of my “normal” counterparts. This sucks and it is not fair. But life isn’t fair and this is my truth. I like being thin much more than being fat, so I deal with this truth and I am choosing to live it rather than rebel against it. This truth is becoming my friend, my guide and my comfort rather than the enemy I have believed it to be.

I have a long road in front of me - the rest of my life. I love where this journey has taken me so far and am looking forward to what is coming next.

Many, many thanks to all my OH friends and supports. Without you I would not be where I am today. I have to acknowledge three people by name, for their support has touched me more deeply and profoundly than any other. To Elina I will be eternally grateful. She knows why. Frisco for believing in me from the get go. And Dr. C for his ability to inspire, his candor, wit, and interest in my success. 

Now for picture whoring! These were taken today. I have not yet had plastics and will most likely consider it next year for my 50th b’day! I don’t have much lose skin, but what I do have gets in the way of me looking as good as I would like around my mid section. Vain? Perhaps, but I’m okay with that, too! (okay, it does also get caught in my belt and that does hurt! LOL)

Oh, and as for the outfit.... it’s because I can! And Jenn (Shagdoll) wants to see my white jeans! And I love my Shagdoll!!!!

OK, because I am in cyber land and you cant find me.  NICE BUTT!  The rest is easy on the eyes too  Thank you for making my day

Wow! The story, the honesty, the persistence and that back! Holy Mama...got my heart a fluttering!!!

Well done, Devon, well done.

Im almost speechless. You are seriously my idol! We are on a long road - there will (at least for me) many ups and downs and platueas....each one will teach us something for the next time...and you're the perfect example of that.

You are just smoking HOT. Jenn might die when she sees these :)

I guess we'll just have to be happy idolizing one another! Cuz you know, you are one of my biggest WLS Heros of all time!

oh my gosh, you look AWESOME! 

You are a fantastic example of what working a sleeve looks like.  Thank you for sharing of yourself here with us because by doing so, you help so many of us better understand our own paths with this tool.

Thank you so much. I will be honest, often my posts are helping me sort through and verbalizing what's going on with me internally. I'm glad that in turn that helps others.

Okay, now that I'm settling down a bit after drooling over - er - looking at your photos, I want to say thank you for sharing your learnings and basically what you know to be true.  I especially relate to your truth about being in control, even when you are eating off plan.  This is something I'm soaking in really deep because VSG has indeed leveled the playing field for me too, likely for most of us.  You've made this day an important one in my journey.

Thanks! It really does boil down to control, doesn't it? I think we've always had it, but just didn't know how to tap into it. One of the "magical" things about VSG for me is that it takes a lot of the hunger and quantity issues off the table and allows me to work on the underlying head issues which result in the long run of having even more control.

T awesome!!!!!!