OT? I don't think so. But maybe? I just need some thoughts on dating

I have been lurking the past few months after my surgery in March and have been laughing and crying with you all. I've even contemplated posting things, but somehow, I always think my thoughts are not as significant, which is insane, I know. But that's the reality. I always am wondering if I'm repeating something and I don't want to get yelled at. lol

So my point in posting this is to get your thoughts on this because I haven't read anything about it recently. I realize we're all in different parts of lives in regards to when we have this surgery. I, clearly, am on the younger side. And with this comes many dilemmas regarding my social life and inadvertently, social media. I haven't told many people about the surgery, but people have started to notice the "new" me and I put on the smile and talk about diet and exercise and say thank you. But it's gotten to the point where guys are now suddenly interested in me again? And I'm really laughing at the whole situation, but I'm also scared. Obviously I can't just spill the beans about my surgery, but everyone wants to "grab a drink" and the two times I've drank alcohol, I could definitely feel the effects quicker. I'm not too keen in putting myself in a dangerous situation. So what has been y'alls experience with this? I don't want to be the girl who's obsessed with her diet. But I also don't want to turn people down because I'm scared. I know I can always drink water or have one drink, but I just don't want set limits on things, you know? Or is that just the reality of the decision I made to have this surgery? 

I really would love to hear your opinions. Y'all truly are the only people who can really understand what it's like right now. I honestly keep chuckling to myself because I didn't expect this to happen so soon. :)

unfortunately set limits are what we need   by not setting limits you are risking yourself going overboard and lets face it not setting limits is what got us here

any man that truly meant to be wont care what you drink or eat   it is you they are trying to get to know  dont settle for anyone who doesnt like you for you

first step is liking yourself enough to not care what others think   be proud of yourself and carry yourself with that  knowledge

hope everything works out for you

Thanks for your comments!

I don't know. Maybe I'm being a bit too worried about people looking at what I'm eating, or drinking? It hasn't been an issue so far, so why would it now? So you are right.

It's just difficult being 23 as it is. Now adding dating on top of it, I feel like some days its a win if I get home in one piece. lol

Let's pretend the beans get spilled and everyone finds out about your surgery. What is the worst you think will happen because of it?

Not knowing the reasoning behind your choice not to tell anyone (there are so many reasons I realize), it's a good exercise to go through in your head and on paper.

 

 

Easy answer would be just don't drink. You owe no one an explanation. Period.

 

And yes you DO have to set limits, or why else have this surgery? You cannot use the same thinking that got you "fat" in the first place if you want to be "thin".

I

So the main reason I haven't "spilled the beans" is because I don't feel it defines me. Just like diabetes doesn't define someone. I'm growing up in a really interesting time in regards to how much info others share with each other.

Yes, the easy answer is to not drink. But I don't actually think that's an easy answer. You, know? Clearly I'm thinking real indepthly about this.

And to be honest, there were many things that got me "fat." But looking back on it, it wasn't because I binge ate or drank. Seriously. So that comment was not meant in that way. I meant it as what do you do after you reached your limit. I guess my answer is to switch to water? lol Something I'll have to get used to. I don't feel like I'm conveying what I want to say.

You've made me think a lot, and I definitely appreciate it, so thank you!

The most disturbing thing to me is that you are drinking (and perhaps eating? I'm not clear?) based on what other people expect of you.

I'd say not drinking IS the easy answer.  Lots of people do not drink.  Even if someone shoves a drink in your hand, you can always smile, say "thank you," and pour it out when they aren't looking. 

I live in California.  People here are obsessed with wine.  I haven't had a drop since surgery--just too many calories for weight loss.  If people are starting to notice your loss, just explain the not drinking by saying that it's a lot of empty calories, and you prefer not to drink your calories.  It also helps if you already have a cup of water, crystal lite, tea, whatever in your hand and can say "I have a drink."  They don't need to know what's in it, and they will probably assume it's alcoholic. 

But do spend some time thinking about why it matters to other people what you eat/drink (what might their motivations for that be?) and why you appear to be giving in to them.  If you are going to make decisions, you need to own them, because you are the one who has to live with the results.

As Elina told me, "walk into your power." :)

I am probably not the right person to be giving dating advice, but I can offer support on the social drinking front.

The company I work for is VERY social. Once a quarter, we have a big meeting - open bar all evening. Once a year, the company takes us and our sig others on vacation for the weekend - open bar all weekend.

My plan for drinking is this. Get a club soda or still water with a splash of juice and a lime wedge and voila, instant pseudo ****tail. Carb load should not be that bad.

I wasn't much of a drinker beforehand. What is the hardest piece of this equation is when everyone else has a few drinks and is starting to get silly. At some point it no longer is fun, IMO.

Good luck!

Do not go looking for love before you truly love yourself and believe in your own self worth.

All you will attract is users and creeps that will not have your best interests in mind.

We teach people how to treat us... and if you don't even believe that your internet voice has worth... what kind of message do you think you will teach to others?

 

Self love first! 

 

 

I appreciate your thoughts, but I'm actually in a really good place. The sentence about not posting on here is that a lot of stuff went down recently that just made me take a step back. I'm a nurse and I like harmony, so it was a lot for me to take in. I also don't feel like repeating things to repeat things, if that makes sense. I worded it wrong, I'm sorry.

So I actually really am ready to get back into the game. I'm just playing by some different rules now that dictate the playing field. No one talks about this at the doctor's office! Lol

Sweetie, first of all, don't ever think your thoughts are insignificant. I'm sure you have great things to contribute to this board.

I admit I have been out of the dating pool for a couple years. But there's no rule that a date must consist of "going for drinks." There's always going for coffee/tea, taking a walk, going to a concert or the zoo, etc. I'd be honest and say you are not a big drinker and you'd prefer getting to know the guy outside of the bar scene. Anyone worth being with should understand.