Little digs

I have a question. Just a thought provoking question, I may be off base.

 

After losing weight, I thought the same thing....Wow my friends can be snarky. Are they jealous? Resentful? Then I noticed (thankfully to Facebook history) that they had ALWAYS been that way and I had just raised my standards of what I would tolerate. Is it possible they have been this way? And you are feeling better about you so you are less tolerant of anything less than healthy interaction? I found as I got healthier, the unhealthy around me became more obvious to me, in contrast. Then the next step was learning productive confrontation..."Hey Mary, that really stung. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't insult my (insert item). Thanks!" Etc.

Stephintexas, great point!  I will have to reflect on that one, but you just may be right!!!  I was always so grateful that the "cool girls" wanted me in their group that I probably put up with whatever!! 

I love this board and the points you all make!!!  

Yep, that's how I was. I insulated myself with denial and ignored how some people treated me, because I was afraid of losing the relationship. I had no idea how many jackholes I had surrounded myself with. Of course, I'm sure some of them felt I lost weight and got snooty. I'm good with that. Compromising on how I was treated was simply an extension of how much I loved/or didn't love me. I didn't feel I deserved better. As I began to love me and felt I deserved more, I began to accept less. Thus, I began to "see" more about people's behavior.

The poor husband at the time simply didn't make it. He was the first cut during the draft. I free agented him and released him from his contract, packed him some dishes and a futon and sent him down the road. I decided that if anyone was going to call me a "fat lazy *****" it would be done from very far away where I couldn't hear it. Then it sort of grew out from there. Some friends, I faded on and some I officially fired, depending on how ugly the talk and comments were. Some people it was easier just to stop calling back. Some I officially said "I don't feel you speak to me in a manner that edifies me, rather you tear me down, so we need to modify this or I need to limit our interaction" It was very freeing. 

I think so many already-skinny people do not see obesity as a medical health issue and see it only as a weakness and therefore see us as less than a person and we also see ourselves as such. Find the strength to see yourself as a whole person (flaws and all like everyone has) see yourself as "as good as everyone who is thin". Try to not let the obesity continue to rule your life as you begin your healthy life with the use of your new tool. As time passes and people see that you have the same heart but have control of your health and see you moving forward with your life, they will not be threatened by you.

I am 1 1/2 year out and the snarky comments have pretty much ceased as people see I have not changed anything in my life other than my health. I have the same job, same husband of 28 years, same friends, drive the same car, still have my kids controlling my life and running me ragged. I still dress conservatively but now in a size 0-2. The only thing that has changed is my health. I literally have changed nothing in my life except my health and my clothing size. I think people have heard of people who "change everything" after weight loss whether surgical or not and expect that of everyone who loses a lot of weight. When that didn't happen with me, the snarky comments stopped and people started treating me as they did before. People have literally told me "you're the same, just smaller. Really I don't remember you as being larger." I show my old picture and they say "oh yeah, I remember now." I think, Really!! But, yeah, they don't remember. I have had that conversation with countless people including my kids. Kids don't lie. Lol.

So my thoughts...just keep on being you and sooner rather than later people will leave the snark at the corner where it belongs.