Little digs

 People have been so supportive throughout my journey...until now.  I recently met my goal, and things are starting to change.  I was with my group of girlfriends on a weekend trip 2 weeks ago, and I noticed a few of the girls not being as nice to me as usual.  When I got back home, I told my husband that things were a little off and couldn't figure out why.  Last night, I was at a party with the same group of girls.  A few "my friends" made some little digs at me while we were talking.  Nothing awful, just little things.  It's almost like a few of the girls want me to feel insecure.  I've always been the funny, crazy, fat friend, and my friends have always gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable. Has anyone else dealt with this?

I have a lot.  It really stinks.  People don't want things to change.  They like you to stay in your role.  Once you are healthy they wonder if they need to change and be healthy too.  Or if they are healthy then maybe they feel insecure that you aren't the "fat friend" any longer.  I have dealt with this with my friends, coworkers, and my sister.  It makes you feel awful.  Through therapy I have learned to never talk about healthy things with those people.  There are only certain people who I can talk about my running, surgery, healthy eating, etc.  It just puts people off since I am at goal.  They don't want to hear it at all.  Even people who are healthy don't.  So basically I have my husband and some of the people from my support group.  Others there don't want to hear it because they haven't hit goal.  It's a thin line.  I have be a different person around different people.  I think everyone does this but I do it more know.  Now that I have more awareness about this I have noticed less catty comments.  I think these people were tired of me being the center of attention and happy about this amazing transformation.  I just hold myself back now.  I don't know if this makes any sense to you or if it fits your situation.  But it has helped me a lot.  I actually feel better taking a back seat and not having the attention I used to have.  I change the subject when the attention gets on me and my weight loss because there are some that do get upset.  Jealous could be the word but I think envious is better.  We were all there and it is hard to see others successful.   Good luck and congrats on getting to goal!

More times than not it's jealousy.....

More times than not..... it's their problem.... not yours....

frisco

Thanks for replying, Frisco!  That's going to be my mantra!

Thank you so much for responding!!!!  I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that some people are sick of all the attention you get.  This group of girls are all thin and gorgeous, so it's not like they feel big in comparison.  Several of the digs happened last night when I was just standing there listening to a conversation.  For instance, someone mentioned liking my handbag.  Another girl asked what brand it was, and before I could even answer, another friend said the brand of my bag and then added, "They're not even in style anymore."  This friend knows that I own 3 of these bags and carry them all the time, so she had to have known that her comment would be hurtful.  Plus, we're 40....not 16!

I am just not used to catty comments like that being directed at me!  I hope this all passes soon.  

Great advice on not talking about diet, being healthy, etc.  I will make sure that I don't do that!

thanks again!

Absolutely jealous and not a real friend... that was snarky!

Ah, the lovely green of envy. Being on the receiving end of it sucks rocks.

A few years ago we moved out of our neighborhood into a bigger house in a "better" neighborhood. I had (HAD being the operative word) 3 close friends in that neighborhood. The moment we moved, one of the ladies completely stopped talking to me. Didn't return calls, didn't let her kids come to birthday parties. Nothing. Her loss. I can get treated like **** by WAY better people. Another of the friends didn't say a word and just kept on like we were in the same place. she and I still talk all the time even though she moved to another state. The last friend started throwing sideways comments at me. "Must be nice to be rich (we aren't), little stuff. I finally told the last friend that she had a choice, she could keep being my friend and stop the comments or she could find a new friend. I also explained to her that I believe friends are supposed to be support to each other through the good times and the bad. I've only ever supported her and my expectation is that she will support me through my successes and failures.

We're still friends to this day.

Sometimes people need us to lay out guidelines on how we expect them to treat us. Simply tell your friends that they need to stop with the snide comments because it makes them look like ugly people. If they want to hang with you they need to be supportive, like you have always been for them.

Then, throw out the dirty bath water and see which babies stay.

Haters gonna hate!  They are now feeling insecure about themselves - don't let them get to you and tear you down now that you are their funny, crazy SKINNY friend!  Congrats on reaching goal!

I have to say I am guilty of this. My best friend decided to become veganand became hardcore about her workout routine.  She lost 40 pounds and is so happy and healthy. Unfortunately, jealousy got the best of me and I noticed I was starting to make negative comments towards her.  Since I have started my own journey I have become more aware of my own insecurities and jealousies.  Now we are able to share our success and be healthy TOGETHER, which is awesome.  I apologized profusely.

So far I have not received many negative comments.  Once in a while I will be eating around my sister and she will say things like..."You have to eat like that the rest of your life?! That's no way to live!"  Well, neither is being 300 pounds.  I try to keep my heart soft when I hear these things. It's very challening!

It's great that you realized what you were doing and apologized!  Go girl!!!

i did not have to deal with any of this until I reached goal.  It's a real shocker to realize that some of your friends are no longer rooting for you!!!  :(

i just have to focus on the friends who are good friends!  :)