Tough love vs. Negativity and sarcasm

I think some people are confusing tough love with negativity and sarcasm. Many are using the tough love excuse to say whatever they want to say. Tough love doesn't have to me sugar coated, but it doesn't have to be mean either. Weight loss is a journey. People aren't going to get it exactly right. But some people are getting carried away. Yes this is a social site and if you make a post there is no telling what responses you will get, but some of you need to learn the difference between LOVE and verbal abuse. Yes this is a social site, but everyone deserves to be respected. I come here because I love to see what people are eating , progress people are making, and to lift people up when they are struggling...I just hate to see people post mean spirited posts camouflaged as love. I'm sure people can find that in real life...ijs!

 

There is one thread I am thinking of posted recently that is just beyond stupid.  It is stupid, risky, dangerous, and a total waste of surgery and money.  Someone who is potentially harming themselves... you aren't going to find many vets that will even try to sugar coat that one.  Personally, I won't even try.

I recall a person from several years ago that was just sure he knew better than his surgeon.  He disregarded what he was told to do, he ate what he wanted, and he ended up with a leak so severe and he was so critically ill that he lost most of the function of his kidneys and both legs.  He was in the hospital for a very long time.  How much do you sugar coat something like that?  Do you pat them on the head and tell them to really try to do better or do you tell them to wake the heck up and pull their head out before they die?

This guy went on a cruise and ate himself almost to death.

Naw... no sugar coating for me.  A dose of reality is in order sometimes.

See, I come to this forum exactly to hear stories like this!  I need to hear the raw truth.  God-forbid any one of us gets a leak again from behavioral issues.  I like it when Vets are tough, as long as they don't delve into personal  - personality type stuff (a Vet told me once that I was driving them crazy - that was not nice at all).

Your posts and similar posts are the reason why I often skip posts that clearly need a wake up call.  Fewer VETS post on those every day.  Maybe that is a good thing....somehow I doubt it.   But maybe....there are plenty of people that would agree with you that we are just a bunch of meanies.  I am the queen meanie according to some.  I can live with it.

Nahhh, you have a Heart of Gold, Elina!  xoxoxox Most people on this forum would cry if you ever left, or stopped posting!  Hugs xoxoxox

Trust me, there are a few that would throw a huge party!  :)

Elina, I have not seen u post an ill statement since I've been on here. I'm not saying that everything should be candy coated. If you see someone going down the wrong path, telling them the consequences, your experience or what you've done in that situation is not mean-spirited. There is a difference. Calling people stupid or telling them you shouldn't have had surgery because you obviously aren't ready..that's mean spirited. They've had the surgery already. How can somebody tell somebody that and think that's helping them. Tough love comes from a place of concern not sarcasm to demean someone for making mistakes. You always (from what I see) give your experiences and opinion in a respectful manner. I'm not saying baby anybody.or with hold the truth of their actions, I'm just saying some people go too far. I treat this place just like real life. I gravitate to positive and take away the things I need and move on, but I can't stand people who don't know how to treat others. If a person wants to be an A-hole, don't crap on their protein shake and call it skim milk...call it what it is...crap...lol

 

~~Calling people stupid or telling them you shouldn't have had surgery because you obviously aren't ready..that's mean spirited.~~

You really don't seem to paraphrase well at all.  Perhaps you can quote where a person here was called stupid.

Or, in all fairness perhaps I missed it.

Elina, I am afraid that I must disagree with you on part of your post --  I have never seen you post anything I would characterize as mean-spirited. I think you get "tough love" right.  

But I agree that some posts that just have to be skipped because there is frankly nothing constructive to say about some choices and some behaviors.  And I am astonishingly frightened that it appears many people are not getting a food plan after surgery (or they don't understand what their food plans mean, like cleared for all foods means you can eat fried chicken, etc.)

However, I have seen posts from others that are very mean-spirited things, and couched in terms of "tough love".  Frank and mean-spirited are not the same.  If I wouldn't say something to someone who is standing in front of me, I wouldn't post it online.  But then again, maybe these people do talk this way in person as well!  I certainly know people who have no filters!

 

 

And that is a pity. Who will set them straight if not all of you who are years into the journey? Do you think they would listen to those of us who are under a year out? And not just the OPs - actually least of all the OPs - the rest of us *****ad these posts need to see you all chime in and "hold the fort" and set the record right! I can certainly understand why you would be reluctant to reply to such posts. I honestly cringe sometimes too but don't feel that I have enough experience yet to chime in on some of the posts.