This place is scaring me!

It's a difficult thing to come here to ask advice, perhaps people should be a bit more accepting.  But on the other hand, some people seem to come here looking for someone to accept their bad behavior (like eating fried foods and pizza just a month or 2 out) ... there are no nice words that are going to make people take a good hard look at their behavior with food and 'nip it in the bud' before they hurt themselves or sabotage their WL efforts.   I think a lot of people on the forum are by nature self-defeating, looking for failure before it happens, subconsciously looking for license to continue eating bad stuff that they ate before.  They've failed before right?  and they used to get happiness from food right?  it takes hard work and straight talk to get those stupid thoughts out of your head.

I still do the above often, i know it's not helpful, but sometimes typing it out makes me realize how bad it is -even if it opens me up for a toung lashing.  . I fight these thing every day, all day long.   It was really bad before surgery, it's slowly getting better.  I (now) appreciate the hard words telling me that i was 1) just making excuses for my bad behavior or possible failure  2) that i can do this and to stop thinking i cant 3) it's not ok to eat junk, ever - just leads you down the wrong road.  It;s different for everyone of course, and it hurts at the time - but it is still being helpful ... just perhaps not the way one may like.

some things that people can do to avoid the harshness

1) instead of asking 'it it ok to eat X bad unhealthy thing, ask what can i eat instead and satisfy the cravings (you know it's wrong to eat the bad thing, or you probably wouldnt be asking!)

2) reread you nutrition guidelines, maybe even post them and aks for advice on them.  You wont get the 'didnt you get guidelines, is it in your plan, what stage are you at, what volume of food does your plan say, etc type of replies that seem harsh

3) if you have a question and your cant find an answer in previous posts ... and think it might be inflamatory, send a personal message to a few people who you think may know ... i'm sure they would be happy to help.  this might make things seem less harsh or embarassing.

Really glad you jumped in and posted and YAY YOU for sure for losing 22lbs!  Feels great doesn't it?  Definitely YAY YOU!  Big adventures lie ahead. A lot of it is fabulous , some of it SUCKS!  Everyone here is either at your stage, ahead, or behind you. The next thing you know you'll be a VET M you think I'm full of it, but it happened to me. 

This has been a great source of support for me since before my surgery. Everything said above is true. Even two and a half years later I will post things about eating crap and hating myself. So, that gets a variety of responses, from soft to hard. Kind of all helps in the end. 

Hope you stay and keep posting. You might want to track food on myfitnesspal.con when you're up to eating. Very friendly there too.

 

Hang in there baby!  

 

 

I am so sorry that your family and friends are not being supportive.   That makes it tough.  My friends are all very supportive, as are my kids, but my DH....not so much.   He is trying, though, and one of those folks who hates and does not deal well with change.  I go to two wls sites and this one is my favorite.   I have not noticed any flaming on the VSG forum (not saying it never happened -- just that I have never seen it) but have seen some folks dishing out "tough love."   These tough love posts, in my opinion, were meant to help the person realize that they were engaging in self defeating behavior.  It is a pretty radical thing to have most of our stomaches cut out, so we don't want to waste this chance.   However, it is hard to hear that we are doing something destructive, most especially when it is true.  :-)  I really hope that you will give this forum a chance because there are some amazing people here that freely are offering all kinds of support and help.  You probably have hormones bouncing all over the place at this point and perhaps you are a sensitive person (if so, I am a member of your club -- I cry at Disney movies!).   Since you don't have support at home, it will be so important for you to find some.   My wish is that you will be able to find that support here, but if not, please keep looking and find someplace, somewhere that you will be.  

I see I opened up a can of worms when I posted how I was feeling about this site. I will not address the people who seem to have taken offense since I only have room for positive things in my life right now. To those of you who have offered kind words and encouragement ( most of you) THANK YOU!!!! I have completely changed my mind. I am no longer scared because I do see that the good far outweighs the bad. As I move forward into eating the mushy stuff tomorrow, I know that if I have questions/concerns, I can come on here and vent, ask questions or whatever and I will get the support I need. Maybe not from everybody, but from enough people to help. Now if I could just figure out how to add pictures with my ipad........

I am glad you have changed your mind,for you. I would NEVER let anyone run me off a public message board,and i am glad you are  not either.

 

Interestingly,it just goes to show how very much perception plays a part in everything. i have read this entire thread,every post, and I see no posts that I would perceive as anyone taking offense.

 

Perhaps the only one MIGHT be Carmelita's reply. That is carmelita's posting style. she posts this way to EVERYONE. I will add that she is one of the most respected and beloved posters on the board. We miss her terribly when she needs to take some time off.

 

GL and make your journey count for you. Just about everyone has had some hard times and unhappy times,and sucky times in our lives. it is life and we take what we can use from those experiences,learn from them and move on.

 

Just like a message board. ")
 

I do n luv u too!

Like Holly, Im soooo glad you changed your mind & aint scurrred no more   soooo important for YOU...no matter who you offend, or takes offense. 

This is a pretty dang good forum Straw..don't give no one that power..to scare you ...

Ive been here off n on sheesh...5 years now I GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO GO ...I GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO GO ...I GOT NOTHING...man" lmao!!

 

 

There is a VSG Maintenance board here on OH.. its pretty dead there tho  that's why most VSG vets stay here  . 

Hang in there Straw...yer bound to get upset with a bunch of us...n Im sure there will be someone out there to return the favor ,-)

but overall...YOUR GONNA BE AOK HERE  cuz we're family now...

 

Thanks guys! You have made me feel totally welcome! I guess it's like any other family: crazy at times but mostly well- meaning! Lol