Family unsupportive

My husband tipped the scale @ 275 @ 5'9". Diabetes for 2 years, hypertension for about 5 years & high cholesterol for about 10 years. 3 doctors had to talk him into surgery.
I on the other hand weighed 199 at my heaviest @ 5'1". I weighed 190 when I saw the surgeon. I barely made BMI at 36. I've had diabetes for 5 years, hypertension for 20+ years, & high cholesterol for 5 years. I have a long family history of heart disease. I've wanted this surgery for 5 years. I have an Aunt who is morbidly obese. She was supportive of the surgery until talking to my mom. My mom has been very unsupportive. She's overweight but not obese. She's lost the same 20 lbs. for as long as I can remember. Everyone is super supportive of my husband's surgery. Now my mom hardly talks to me. My dad was having TIA's at Christmas. Since I'm a nurse I was going to come home. I wasn't going to because I was less than a month since my surgery. My mom didn't want me coming. She said it was too hard on her to fix my meals & she didn't want to eat just soup. Well I'm 52 y/o & more than capable of taking care of myself. I could eat more than just soup. She also made a comment one time after I had lost 20 lbs. about "I've lost 20 lbs. & I didn't have surgery."
I realize I wasn't as heavy as most people who have WLS but I wanted a more permanent solution & wanted to be healthy. I've seen my dad suffer since he was 40 with heart disease. Both of my grandad's died from heart disease. I want something better for myself. I'm happy with my decision. I just wish my family were happy with it.
Ok my rants over. I'll get off my soap box & end the pity party.

Hi I don't know how to help you with this, except to say that you are making a good and healthy choice for yourself.  If your family cannot support you during this, then it may be for the best to keep them at arms length until you are at a point in your recovery that you can handle it.  It sounds like they have their own issues that they need to deal with, but they do not have to be your issues.

I hope all goes well for you!

I am so sorry that your family is not supportive.  Your mother might be jealous and/or envy you because you want to get healthy.  I can't say that my mom has been supportive.  It is a subject that we do not discuss.  I still have not told a lot of people because I am still not ready to deal with the negative responses, etc.  I feel good about the decision that I am made and it makes it easier when I see the progress that I have made.

You are the only one that can decide if this is right for you and if it is, go for it!  It was the best decision that I ever made.

Are you doing this for YOU or for them?

Sometimes you just have to say  !!@#$*!! and find support elsewhere, like OH!!

 

Soap box is empty, next...

 

 

So sorry, I think your mom is jealous and I Would confront her on it! Ask her if the price you have to pay for taking care of yourself is your relationship?

Be there for your dad, make your own soup and tell her you're hurt!! Life is too short! Keep it real, set boundaries and tell her you EXPECT her to support you!

Best wishes,

Christina

I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion; whether they would be for or against WLS for them or for someone else.  I just don't like it when they make it their business.  We are old enough to make decisions and take care of ourselves.  I did notice that the further I was out from surgery and the more weight I lost, people seems to come around more.  I also know a lot of MO people who could benefit from having WLS but if their heart isn't into the commitment that it takes to make it work then there is no point in trying to force anyone into it.  All I can do is encourage them in a positive way and let them know that being sleeved was the best thing that I could have done for myself.  Hopefully as time goes on and as you shed more weight, they will see you happier and healthier.  This might make them all more supportive later on. 

Keep fighting the good fight!!!

Thank you, I appreciate the support. I don't regret my decision. I'm off my diabetic meds, hypertension meds & high cholesterol meds. My blood sugar is normal. I know I'm much healthier & will be much more productive. 

I do wish my obese aunt would consider something like VSG rather than the new car she bought her daughter or the new car she's buying herself. She's fixing to have her 2nd hip replacement in less than 3 years. She can barely walk. Her weight is such an issue. Her insurance didn't cover it & now she's 65 on Medicare. If she took the money she spent on new cars she could have the surgery, a new wardrobe, & a healthier, happier life. 

BTW I'm new to this site but I love all the support I get. You guys are great. 

I weighed 192 when I had surgery. I had no co-morbidities. I have never been happier. I told no one except my parents and my husband. I have lost 42 pounds since the middle of October. I am the happiest person in the world! Part of the reason I did not tell anyone is for the reasons you mentioned. I don't care to deal with everyone else issues about my weight. If you must reply to them ask them this question........If I had colon cancer would you want me to do everything I could to be cancer free? If they say yes then tell them obesity kills far more people daily than colon cancer and that you feel like you need to do whatever it takes to be a happy healthy person. Don't let the haters bring you down!

Jenn I think you are right on the mark. Thank you!

First off you are doing this for you and your health. You have used the data that your family has given you( heart disease, diabetes, etc) and you are letting that motivate you... who wouldn't't! I don't know what type of personality you are but I might just be blunt with her and ask her why she thinks this is so wrong for you yet so right for others. Is she sacred something might happen to you? Remind her that when she is on in age you will be responsible for her health and you need to be at your healthiest to do it. I know it might be hard to do but it may just be something that needs to be pushed through. 

As for cooking for you, you are right you can take care of your 52 year old self. At my next big family get together there will be 3 of us sitting around the table who have had WLS. All for different reasons and all having had different surgeries. Our family meals usually mean Oyster Stew. We know that my sister in law(RNY) will bring chinese, my sister(DS) will bring half and half, and I have yet to know how this is going to affect me yet. 

Good Luck with your Journey and know that everyone at OH is going to support you!!!

Peace!