~18 month check up with my surgeon, ramblings

Sorry for the copy and paste from my blog, but I thought this was worth posting here...

So, after nearly 3 weeks of floating between 177-181, I'm at a new low. 176.8! Yay! If history holds (scroll all the way down to see my weekly/monthly numbers) I will lose 1-3 pounds in the next week or so. That would put me at my goal of 175. 200 pounds loss. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT???

Why, this girl. That's who.

But wait... there's more!

I met with my surgeon yesterday. I think he's as amazed as I am that I'm where I am today. He usually doesn't see this level of loss, I'm way over where he expected me or anyone that started at my size to be. We talked about that and the fact that I think mental health is the biggest missing piece of people that get bariatric surgery. It was an interesting conversation because I was telling him about support groups and he said how, almost 100% of the time, if you really talk to someone that is stuck or whatever, there's a reason. Whether they have accepted it or not, is a whole other kettle of fish, but there's always a reason - or an excuse. I think it really comes to mental health.

Well, that and a determination to get your **** done and stop making up excuses. You guys know me. I am FAR from perfect. I've had my fair share of issues. Hell, this past weekend I had a giant cookie for lunch (no really, a BIG FREAKING SOFT AMAZING CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE drizzled with chocolate syrup too). Why? Well, because I wanted it. Best choice? Probably not, but if I hadn't have gotten it, I would have been in a bad place later because I had it in my head that I wanted a cookie. But you know what? I made a very conscious choice to eat that cookie. And you know what else? I logged that bad boy in my food log. I have to make myself accountable. I lied to myself (and others) for YEARS about my food choices and I'm done doing that. AND it didn't send me spiraling down. They don't trigger me like some foods (hi crackers!)

What I've learned over the past 17+ months is that this process isn't about your stomach or surgery. It's about your head. It's about knowing yourself. It's about learning how you tick and learning what YOU have to do to be successful. I've heard others sometimes refer to themselves (and me) as a "slow loser". But really, look at your numbers, overall. I've lost 198.2 pounds in 18 months. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT? Why is the fact that I lost 6 pounds in month 17 "slow'? I think the people here are WAY too hard on themselves. Learn about yourself, learn about your body and stop making up excuses.

So... Dr. Ganta and I also talked about goal weights. I'm pretty much at "goal" but I'm not done. We talked about plastic surgery too. What he thinks is that I keep doing what I'm doing and when it's been a few months and I've not really lost anything, he said THEN he would talk to a plastic surgeon. Yeah, I could get it now, but ride this as long as I can. He also said that he doesn't see any reason I can't get to 150 on my own if I really want to BEFORE plastics. I'm kind of shocked. I'm not sure if I'm ready to update my goal weight to 150. I mean part of me is all "oh hell yeah, go big or go home, baby!" but the other part of me is like "Me? 150??" I don't know what I'm going to do. I know at some point I will just stop losing and I'm not sure if I do that at 152 that it won't make me nuts so I don't know what I'll do with my tickers and "goal weights". Not really looking for advice. It's something I have to work out in my own head.

Anyway... so, he's super proud of me and I got a big hug at the end of the appointment. He's usually very reserved, but ya know what? This man gave me my life back and probably saved my life. Well, I guess I saved my own life, but it was his skill and his pressure and confidence in me that helped me keep going.

Me. At a regular BMI. He thinks I can do it. I think I can too. This is where it's going to get even harder though. I know that.

A side note for self-pay patients: My fee included a year of follow up. PLEASE do this, in fact I hope your surgeon requires it. I think it's important. This was an appointment I had to pay on my own since my insurance doesn't cover it, but it's $100 well spent to keep myself in check. I think I needed that accountability time with him.

Wow girl, great story and great pieces of wisdom. I myself am 1 week out and I am on this site everyday to get inspired and also get support. It's people like you that do that for  me.

Although I am a little worried that I am losing a little too fast (crazy right?), since I am not really doing anything other then sticking to my NUT's stage 3 plan and maybe walking like 10-15 min a day. But I guess everyone is different.

Thank you for sharing your awesome journey and I hope you will hit that 150 lbs. goal down the road, in fact strike "hope", I know you will. Good luck.

Hugs,

Rita

*laughing* Yes, it comes off very fast at first for some. I lost like 20 pounds my first two weeks and then nothing for 20 days. Most people hit a 3 week stall. Completely normal, but it will drive you nuts.

Hang in there... you got this.

Great job, girlie.  You have done so well, and gone through a chunk of life in the process.  :} 

I think that was the part I wasn't expecting, right? How freaking HARD it is, mentally, some days. Yay, yippee, good for me. I lost a bunch of weight, but the mental "screws with your head" part. Yeah. But I'm happy I'm dealing with my stuff :) It makes me feel whole again :)

No ****! and AMEN! 

Amazing!  That is all I have to say, you are amazing!  You are so right, the head game is the biggest and hardest part, in the end.  Because if we do not change the way we think about food, ourselves, our life, we will revert back to the bad old habits and some how justify it as a right we have in life to treat ourselves well.  We have to become honest with ourselves, as you have done.  Stop lying, stop making excuses and push forward. 

You inspire me and so many others!  I am so proud of what you have accomplished.  I know we only know each other through OH, but I know enough about you to say I am proud of you and proud to know you!

Keep enjoying the journey!  Blessings on your day!

Yup. I think part of me believed that "oh, they'll cut it out and I'll lose my weight and life will be grand". I KNEW that wasn't the case, but we all kinda sorta believed it.

The sucky part is when you realize that isn't exactly true. My ultimate goal is peace with food. I think I'm finding that. The cookie incident this weekend kind of proved it though. PMS said "you must have a cookie" and I let it have it while still controlling myself. 2 years ago I would have eaten a box of oreos and hidden the empty box at the bottom of the trash so no one knew and told myself "you didn't do that".

My goal is freedom from the obsession with food.  I just want to not care so much, you know.  I am getting there.  Counseling was a major part of my journey and I will probably go back for more encouragement and advice in a few months.  Learning to live out my emotions in a healthy way is another goal.  It is okay to express my emotions in a controlled, non destructive way.  Learning how to do that is a whole other ball game.  Easier said than done, that is for sure.

Perfection is not possible, but living in moderation is.  Striving for moderation and an overall evenness in life.  :O)

Naturally thin people eat a giant cookie, the kicker is, they do not think about it after they do it.  They just listen to their body and adjust what they eat the rest of the day.  It will be great when that is just a natural action for us as well.  Sounds like you are very close on that.  Deprivation never really works in the long haul.  Allowing the treats and adjusting and applying the 80/20 rule, that is what seems to work in the end.

Yeah. Getting there. Slowly. It's a total mind thing and being okay with my choices. I'm still losing so those that are stricter wouldn't have done it, but at some point I had to make a decision about long term. I knew this would be a long journey when I started it and I'm okay with that.

Keep up the good work. I'm glad I've kept up with my therapy. It sucks some days, but in a good way :)