E is for emotions
Most of us have been told by our doctor or nutritionist what and how we should eat. Although our plans might be different, our intent is the same; we all want to stay as close as possible to what our doctor told us. Most of us do quite well following this plan until we hit an emotion that derails us. For some of us, experiencing our feelings is a new thing, we have often used food as a way to avoid our emotions and now that food is no longer available to us, we feel lost, angry, depressed or simply uncertain how to cope. I thought it might be helpful to go over some coping strategies that I use to help me when I run into a strong unwanted emotion, as always, use what you need and disregard the rest.
1) The first step is always to identify the fact that you are having a strong emotional reaction. Most of us live our lives unwilling to examine and accept our negative emotions. Because of this we use rationalizations and acting out behaviors (like eating) in order to protect ourselves. It is OK to be angry, jealous, fearful, or any other emotion. Feeling this way does not make you a bad person, it just makes you human. If you can acknowledge the uncomfortable emotion, you can deal with it in a practical way, you might even use it to make necessary changes.
2) Remember that emotions are transient by nature; they never stay for long. No matter what you are feeling right now, just hang around for a bit and your feelings will change. Understanding that feelings change often, can help you have perspective. If you can look into your future, the hold that a particular feeling has on you will fade. If you feel like eating over a particular emotion, just ask yourself how you will feel tomorrow after going off your program. Will it be worth it? Will you really feel any better? Reminding yourself that there is a tomorrow, can help put things into perspective just long enough for you to choose a better action.
3) Remember that moods can be changed. All you really need to change a mood is to do or think something different. Sometimes, when I feel angry or when I remember something embarrassing from my past that saddens me, I literally imagine a stop sign, a bright red stop sign. And I tell myself to "STOP". I then direct my thoughts to something else that is more pleasing to me. Another trick is to stop doing an activity that enhances an unwanted feeling. Sometimes at night, I am tired and bored. When I feel this way, I want to sit and watch TV. Watching TV makes me even more bored. After a while, I start to want to eat to take away the boredom. If I recognize this pattern, and instead of watching TV get on the treadmill, or read a good book that engages me, or even just do some laundry, I no longer feel bored and the desire to eat disappears.
4) Emotions are not all just in your head, emotions are physically experienced in the body. Our heart rate changes, our breathing patterns change and so on. You can change your emotions from either direction; you can start with your thoughts or you can go directly to changing your physiological reaction. Practically, this means changing your breathing. Hold your breath for a few seconds, then take a few deep, calming breaths, feel your body relax, try to slow your heart rate down. This can actually change your arousal state and bring the intensity of your emotion down, buying you enough time to make better choices.
5) Remember that engaging your rational self can reduce the intensity of the emotion as well. Try remembering your childhood address, or names of friends from school, anything that takes you into your cognitive self will take you out of your emotional state. Try it, it really works.
6) Remember that emotions are there for a reason. They can be used to motivate us to act. Fear and anger can focus our attention on what needs to be changed in our lives and can serve as powerful fuel for change. Understanding and controlling our emotions goes a long way toward increasing our chances of following our programs and being successful. You don't have to live at the mercy of your emotions, you can have them, use them, and make them work for you.
Finally, remember, that the emotion that stays with you the longest and is the most powerful, is the one you feed. You have no control over which emotion you feel in any particular moment, but you have total control over how you react to your emotions and over time you can increase positive emotions simply by promoting them and concentrating on them. I find that the feeling of gratitude is by far my favorite emotion to cultivate. Find your favorite, and feed it daily, you will love the results.
1) The first step is always to identify the fact that you are having a strong emotional reaction. Most of us live our lives unwilling to examine and accept our negative emotions. Because of this we use rationalizations and acting out behaviors (like eating) in order to protect ourselves. It is OK to be angry, jealous, fearful, or any other emotion. Feeling this way does not make you a bad person, it just makes you human. If you can acknowledge the uncomfortable emotion, you can deal with it in a practical way, you might even use it to make necessary changes.
2) Remember that emotions are transient by nature; they never stay for long. No matter what you are feeling right now, just hang around for a bit and your feelings will change. Understanding that feelings change often, can help you have perspective. If you can look into your future, the hold that a particular feeling has on you will fade. If you feel like eating over a particular emotion, just ask yourself how you will feel tomorrow after going off your program. Will it be worth it? Will you really feel any better? Reminding yourself that there is a tomorrow, can help put things into perspective just long enough for you to choose a better action.
3) Remember that moods can be changed. All you really need to change a mood is to do or think something different. Sometimes, when I feel angry or when I remember something embarrassing from my past that saddens me, I literally imagine a stop sign, a bright red stop sign. And I tell myself to "STOP". I then direct my thoughts to something else that is more pleasing to me. Another trick is to stop doing an activity that enhances an unwanted feeling. Sometimes at night, I am tired and bored. When I feel this way, I want to sit and watch TV. Watching TV makes me even more bored. After a while, I start to want to eat to take away the boredom. If I recognize this pattern, and instead of watching TV get on the treadmill, or read a good book that engages me, or even just do some laundry, I no longer feel bored and the desire to eat disappears.
4) Emotions are not all just in your head, emotions are physically experienced in the body. Our heart rate changes, our breathing patterns change and so on. You can change your emotions from either direction; you can start with your thoughts or you can go directly to changing your physiological reaction. Practically, this means changing your breathing. Hold your breath for a few seconds, then take a few deep, calming breaths, feel your body relax, try to slow your heart rate down. This can actually change your arousal state and bring the intensity of your emotion down, buying you enough time to make better choices.
5) Remember that engaging your rational self can reduce the intensity of the emotion as well. Try remembering your childhood address, or names of friends from school, anything that takes you into your cognitive self will take you out of your emotional state. Try it, it really works.
6) Remember that emotions are there for a reason. They can be used to motivate us to act. Fear and anger can focus our attention on what needs to be changed in our lives and can serve as powerful fuel for change. Understanding and controlling our emotions goes a long way toward increasing our chances of following our programs and being successful. You don't have to live at the mercy of your emotions, you can have them, use them, and make them work for you.
Finally, remember, that the emotion that stays with you the longest and is the most powerful, is the one you feed. You have no control over which emotion you feel in any particular moment, but you have total control over how you react to your emotions and over time you can increase positive emotions simply by promoting them and concentrating on them. I find that the feeling of gratitude is by far my favorite emotion to cultivate. Find your favorite, and feed it daily, you will love the results.
SFChorus
on 10/7/12 3:21 am - CA
on 10/7/12 3:21 am - CA
Elina, this is brilliant! I really love the whole series you're writing and am looking forward to F, G, H....Also, I saw the pics Frisco posted last night and you looked not only great but also very happy. I think it's awesome that you're really living your life to the fullest. You've been a great mentor to me in my journey (even if you didn't know it). Thank you for everything.
Fiona
Fiona
Sleeved 12/15/11, 5'1", HW 185, SW 164, CW102
Fiona, than you for your kind words. I thought I would try to crystallize my thoughts and organize them through this series. I decided that as long as there is some interest I would keep going, if I find that I am boring people to death, I would stop midstream. It helps me to write all of these topics out, but really, I could do it in a journal. My hope is that by doing it here, some of my words will resonate for someone else. I am glad that my words touch you in some small way. It's great if we can help ourselves to become better people, but if we can start a ripple for someone else at the same time, well that is almost too much to hope for...
I think that climbing out of pitfalls is the most human and courageous thing to do. We all have pitfalls; we all fall down. It is out tenacious nature in always getting back up that takes us to the next level. I learned the most about myself and my journey by examining my pitfalls, without them I would not be half as strong and confident now. So I know you will keep climbing out of your pitfalls as many times as you need to as long as you have the strength. When you will feel weak, you will come here and lean on us. We are all so much stronger together.
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