My honesty!!

Being open to everyone is key! Especially to myself. I had a rough start at the beginning of this journey they tell me. But, I stayed pretty positive through the whole thing. Year two was the worst. It was when I was fighting my GERD attacks (Very painful). It just took the doctors forever to figure it out. Then I pretty well got to my personal goal. My surgeon never gave me one to get to. The guidelines were for the RNY. Sleeves were new to the clinic. The people and the boards here were my heros.

Then the pictures started and to me 160's I was looking sick/ill. I thought I looked worse then 2010. Then when I had my leak in 2008/2009. My skin was loose and disgusting in my mind. So, it seemed like I crept up little by little. It evened out around at 25lb gain until May 2012. It was then my life went into a bunch of changes. My step sister visited after 20 years. That surfaced different emotions. We went on vacation to Florida. Then in June I started a job at a sister location for the company I work. I disliked/hated it there. It took me out of my comfort zone. I had to deal with new people. Co-workers/patients. Well, there was a few that were not the best to work with. So I went through a bit of stress maybe even depression. Then finally last week I called my old boss and said, I'M COMING BACK!! She said, come over and we'll see what lines are available. Well, my position was gone. So, it meant a new unit once again and the same problems even though it was familiar. I had to suck it up! Later that day I was talking to a former co-worker and a light bulb moment happened. I didn't realize it then. But, she had pointed out the good in the new places versus the old. I hadn't seen it before. I just wanted my comfort back. So, once I realized this things got a bit better. Other co-workers seem to be mellowing out and realizing they can't bullying the new gal. I won't take it!!...But, when I was weak, I let them get to me. So, in 30 days that meant a lot of stress/carb eating and 10 more pounds on.

One day Ms. Shell had messaged me and we got to talking and she always has been a huge supporter/friend right from the beginning. She knew something was up! And soooo glad she messaged. It got me back to planning and taking the bull by the horns. Then the weekly post by acbbrown started and it got me going even more.

I was embarrassed at first by coming out. I know there is people that look up to me and think I am a success. But, I feel like a failure. I needed to change things so, I can wear those shoes. I mean jeans. So, here is my babble and this what's been going on in my life!!

Hugs and Loves

Donna


PS...Years 3+ is where the real challenge started...For me anyways...Honeymoon was over!!

Yeah it's SOMETHING about year 3 I SWEAR I don't know what it is...maybe we get to "comfortable" or the compliments stop and the discovery starts??  Who knows...but it's all about the TODAY and what are WE going to do to effect the change we want!!

You my friend will NEVER EVER EVER be a failure...I won't let you be...

Ms Shell

Thank you for your honesty; I am a new sleever two months now, but not new to the stress eating game like everyone else here, it is by the grace of god (whatever you believe) that I can stay on plan one day one minute at a time.  I know that there will be ups and downs but I love it when I hear of someone picking themselves up.  It gives me hope that I to can pick myself up.  Again thank you for shareing.  You are one strong lady!!  Keep coming back to the circle of friends you have here.  I need to hear your strength to! 

Donna, you and Ms Shell are heroes to me!!  It is easy for feel like a fraud, it happens to me, and I feel that it's important to stay upbeat.  But this is a really insidious kind of problem, and I know it will never be over for me until I take that last breath. 

In OA, they say our disease is outside the door doing push ups while we're working had at recovery.  I didn't really understand until it came roaring back, with a ferocity I wasn't expecting since I'd been "good" for so long (this happened a long time before surgery).

Now, post-op, I am just as concerned because I *know* that monkey's out there doing push-ups.  Just waiting for me to let my guard down. 

Thank goodness for people that understand, because I know I can't do it on my own.  When I'm feeling weak or scared, I send my daily food diary to someone.  It's like a way of admitting I don't have it licked and I need help.  Humbling, for sure.  But I know for me, I always feel better when I'm honest with someone about the food.  Getting better doesn't seem possible until then.

Hugs to you!  You really inspire me.

I sooo appreciate you hanging around here. The insight and wisdom from those of your further out is invaluable. I always chuckle when I see people 6 weeks out, 3 months out, 6 months out singing about how this surgery was the best thing that ever happened to them...they are in for a surprise when that honeymoon phase ends.


This is going to be a life long struggle. As long as we stay aware and have a plan to get back on track when we get a little lost -we will all be okay in the end :)