Why I believe in moderation... because I am willing to not eat what I cannot moderate...
Caution: not a typical Happy post. More passionate and even longer than usual, so thanks in advance for putting up with me. I'm certainly not upset with anyone, just trying to be clear. I can tell a lot of you understood my last post, but since many read and don't post, I'm here to try again in the most direct terms possible.
Why I believe in moderation... because I am willing to not eat what I cannot moderate...
That's all I was trying to say. Moderation works GREAT when it works, and is a useless concept *for me* when it doesn't. I have a friend that says "if I can't have just one, I can't have any." That's what I mean when I say a certain food is triggery. It means it talks to me, I can't concentrate, and I feel the compulsion to eat more, often to the point of distraction or actually acting on it. The choice not to eat more takes more energy than I have or care to spend, and *way* more than the choice to just not eat it. I don't think that makes me less evolved spiritually or emotionally or whatever, it just makes me me.
I personally don't see any reason any I need to be able to eat cookies or cheesecake or cotton candy "moderately." My health won't suffer. I won't resolve childhood traumas. I won't save the jobs of poor people in China. And when somebody says, help, I ate the whole cheesecake, I still think one of the answers to consider is "Then don't eat any cheesecake. Period. It's not worth it."
And for me, personally, I don't think therapy will "cure" this, for me. This is not an anti-therapy rant, I think therapy is wonderful and I've spent my share of time and money doing very good therapy work. But none of it turned *me* into a "normal" eater. I have to have strategies today, and I have to have strategies for the rest of my life to not fall back into my destructive food behaviors, because that is just how I am wired. I can spend a lot of time in self-reflection about why this food or that food is triggery for me, what am I trying to avoid or self-medicate for, but ultimately I have to *do the hard work* of seeing what happens in my actual life when I stop eating compulsively. I have discovered far more about why I overeat by *not doing it* than I have by trying to find the emotional basis behind it through self-reflection self-knowledge. My best thinking got me here.
I really, really get that not everybody is like this. Seriously. Nobody has to give up sugar to be my friend in this struggle or have my utmost respect and admiration, period. Ditto with identifying as a food addict. I just know that *for me* nothing helped me *more* than thinking about my relationship with food like an addiction and acting in ways that addicts have found successful to deal with their addictions. Whether or not it "really is" or isn't an addiction, I find it helpful to act like it is. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way, and that's why I "promote" the idea of at least considering that way of thinking when I see people hitting their heads on the same brick wall I have a thousand times over.
And as for saying I think maintenance will look a lot like losing, I mean that if I struggle with certain foods now, I don't really see any reason I'll be able to do a lot better when I weigh 160 pounds. My tiny tummy isn't going to save me. When I say "this isn't a diet," I don't mean, eat whatever you want, just in a tinier amount. I mean that there is not going to come a day for me when I can go off my "diet" and eat whatever sweet and gooey thing I want because I finally lost the weight. Because the weight wasn't the problem.
It's not that I don't believe somebody *can't* eat one Hershey's kiss every day and eat sanely and lose weight and whatever. I have seen it happen. But I feel like I need to keep saying "Hey, does that *really* work for you? Because it's never worked that way for me." Because I am a sneaky ***** and a damn good liar when it comes to protecting my ability to feed the monkey, and at least some of the people out there are like me, too. And because I have to remind myself of who I am every day.
Now, for the 2 newbies that are still reading, my most earnest advice based on my personal experience is to stop eating crap foods (and you know what they are), period. If the thought terrifies you or makes you curl up into a ball, deal with that, go to therapy, get some support, because food isn't supposed to have that effect on us. But be willing to stop eating the food, and then deal with the fallout in therapy - don't wait to "feel like it" because we can do it *even if* we don't feel like it.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, and I try to go out of my way to talk about my struggles because I *know* I'm flawed. But I haven't had the really bad triggery stuff (for me) since surgery because I know where that goes. I mean, popcorn, sodas, pizza (ok, once I had topping only at a catered lunch), pasta, salty snack foods, recreational sugar. etc. I have weighed-measured-recorded everything I ate, good or bad. I haven't lost all my weight in record time, I still struggle with certain foods, but I know that long-term, persistent willingness is way more important that temporary perfection.
Surgery has given me a blessed reprieve from the overwhelming hunger I have had most of my adult life. I only get this one chance. Furthermore, getting to goal weight means NOTHING in terms of my lifelong struggle with food, because I didn't have food issues because I was obese. I was obese because I have food issues. I will just have food issues in smaller clothes. I promise you, I could gain *all this weight back* if I didn't work to keep my head in the game.
Hugs to you all. I know we are on our own paths. I'm just putting my path out there for people that might relate, and saying abstaining from some things makes moderating the rest much easier. For me.
:) Happy
53 yrs old, 5'6" HW: 293 ConsW: 273 SW: 263 CW: 206 
Love you, woman! big hug! 
this is really good. it's hard not to get defensive sometimes (i know i do) about other people's way of doing things when they're different from yours, but you have so much to offer and make so much sense, that i hope people really listen to you!!!
sending big hugs in your direction ((((((((((happy)))))))))))
sending big hugs in your direction ((((((((((happy)))))))))))
Ann 
Well said.
All we need now is for Frisco, our favorite provocateur to weigh in, LOL.
What topic shall we pick on next? Dumping versus Non-Dumping?
All we need now is for Frisco, our favorite provocateur to weigh in, LOL.
What topic shall we pick on next? Dumping versus Non-Dumping?
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
I love this post, and they last one, and just wanted to say I wholeheartedly agree. There are certain foods I simply cannot moderate, and so I just don't have any. Some of these foods are probably different from the people on either side of me, for example one of those foods is bacon. I can not moderate the amount in which I eat bacon, if I chose to eat it. Thank you for your post!!
I'm with you Happy! My sentiments exactly..thank you for putting it in to words.
Hugs back to you!
"Encourage instead of criticize. Love instead of hate. Hope instead of doubt. Give instead of take. Trust instead of worry. We open our hearts to others so that they will be prompted to open their hearts to God" Lucy Swindoll
Most Active
Recent Topics
