NSV: A 1-month post-op reflection (LONG)

Hey gang!
  I’ve been away for the last couple of weeks due to a combination of final exams and my own WLS journey needs. I felt I needed to take a break from the boards to clear my head. The VSG board is a great source of information for a great many things, but at times, I find that I can get carried away and caught up in the numbers, rules and debates. For me, having VSG was the first step in a long process of retraining my brain. Part of that retraining involves learning to let go of number crunching, rule-setting and the eventual binging that comes along with them. At some point, I began to feel that a break from the boards might better empower me to do that. It was a very good break, and it is also very nice to be back =).
  Tomorrow is my one month surgeryversary, and I wanted to share some of the lessons I’ve learned in that time with you guys. My journey is something of an experiment. Drawing from a combination of theories about “normal" eating and binge eating by various authors/psychologists, my own experiences and the advice of my therapist and physician, I’ve put together a post-op plan specifically tailored to me. The most fundamental rule of my plan is also the most radical one: There are no rules. I have debated with some other members about the strengths & benefits of calorie & carb limits, protein targets, etc. I have spoken openly in the past about my binge-eating disorder. Part of the disorder thrives on a cycle of strict dietary restriction and eventual binging. It works like this: first, I start with food restriction and obsession - always centered on obsessive rules and number crunching. Eventually, this leads me to feeling depressed, deprived, overwhelmed, rebelious, etc, and this always triggers a binge period, in which I overeat to the point of discomfort and pain, and always overeat things that make me feel awful. To avoid this cycle, this is what I believe, with the help & in-put of the professionals around me, is the best plan for me:

I do not count my calories. At all. I don’t have a minimum, maximum, etc. I do not have a carb limit, and I do not track my protein. Before you flame, read on. At every meal, I ask myself what would best fuel my body and what would make it feel good. I am insulin resistant, so sugars and starches tend to make me feel pretty crappy. On top of that, I have noticed post-op that I have a harder time digesting them. I have always preferred food that is less fattening: I don’t like chicken skins, greasy foods, or stuff that’s been deep-fried (except for specific dishes on special occasions). Nearly every meal since my surgery has consisted of Greek yogurt, goat cheese, mozzarella cheese, slices of deli meats, cooked chicken breast or ground beef (strained after its been cooked to lower the grease - Jenny-O & lean ground turkey is not easy to find where I live these days).  It’s also accompanied by a serving of fruits or vegetables. In short: I eat the healthier option at each meal, for the most part. Just a lot less of it. That is not to say that I’ve abstained from sugars, starches, etc. I’ve had ice cream, bits of pizza crust, potatoes, etc since surgery, too; Just a lot less of it, and far less frequently than pre-op.
  My goal for the last month has been retraining my brain and my body from its previous mind-set. Due to a variety of factors and experiences, my approach to food before surgery was similar to the way I imagine a traveler in the desert feels abou****er. There was always a rushed element to the way I ate. There was an urgency in my cravings, and my mealtimes had begun to feel like a frenzied race to get as much of the tasty food in my mouth as I could before …. Fill in the blank: before the next diet, before someone else ate it all, before it was gone forever, never to be recreated. Since surgery, I’ve struggled with this, but not in a way that I would call negative. I have been confronted with these old eating habits and memories/feelings at every meal since my surgery because if I don’t slow down, it ends up coming back up. This has given me the opportunity (if by force) to be mindful and present at each meal in a way I had been trying to achieve before surgery, but never quite could. During week 3, I threw up nearly every day because of it. My body had healed to the point where I could comfortably eat most of my meals and the old habits began to creep up. I started paying attention and asking myself difficult questions. By virtue of my body’s immediate and unavoidable feedback (i.e., “omg, it’s coming back up!"), I have had the pleasure (yes! Pleasure!) of being forced to look seriously at the belief systems and fears underlying my behaviors. This has lead to a steady daily improvement in these habits. As week 4 comes to a close, I don’t find myself throwing up after every meal anymore. This, for me, is a big NSV, because it means that I am changing habits I have been wishing I could (and trying, but failing, to!) change for years. It is exactly the kind of NSV I am measuring my progress by. I am reminded of this post by Sublimate a few months ago, and of the hope that it inspired in me, and I am grateful and proud to see the groundwork being laid for retraining my brain. This is exactly what – for me – this surgery has been about.   Thanks for reading & good luck to us all! Somayeh   

I think it's important to understand and accept that we are all different and our journeys and needs are all different.

I think that there are certain approaches that work for most of us, but nothing can work for everybody.

I'm glad you've found a process that you're comfortable with, and I hope it brings you the success we all are working toward!

Hi Somayeh,

I'm so happy to see that you're figuring of how to make this venture work for you. We all don't fit into the "one size fits most" category. Surgery changes our stomach but does nothing for the head.

I would say that my first year I was consistently on top of making better choices, retraining my thoughts of what, when and how to eat. Next month will be 2 yrs postop and I can comfortably say that retraining my head early on has made eating better now a habit.

Best of luck in your weight loss journey!

Way to go! You've done a lot of head work this month, and I think you will keep headed in the right direction. I love this wholistic approach, and thanks for the reminder that how we do the journey isn't as important as the fact we're doing it!

Self-realization is always a good thing and, honestly, most people never get there. You are the only one in charge of your journey and you have to make the decisions that work best for you.

I applaud your goal to overcome your hardwired habits and to live with food, not FOR food. Best of luck to you.

hi Somayeh,

i have the same binge and compulsive eating history that you do.  You are not alone.

Letting the sleeve in the first few months post op pummel me into submission helped a lot in retraining myself to eat sensibly and healthily.  So you and Sublimate make sense to me.

It took me a few months to get my vsg legs -- to borrow Happy's expression.

A few months after vsg, i adopted Rational Recovery as pioneered by Jack Trimpey.  I had read Taming the Feast Beast in the past but now i am reading Rational Recovery, The New Cure for Substance Addiction which is better.  And i bought another book on Amazon that is suppose to be even better called Brain Over Binge which i will read after the Rational Recovery book.

After 45 years of compulsive/addictive/binge eating i can honestly say i am cured.  But i don't want to forget where i came from, and i always want to learn. 

Food/eating/not eating is not a struggle anymore.   I eat for health primarily.  I want to take care of myself. 

It is wonderful that you are seeing progress in one short month.  It takes time because physically we have gone through so much.  Psychologically, emotionally, mentally some of us are all over the map in the immediate weeks following surgery.  I was.  Your relationship with food doesn't change because you had surgery.  It takes time.

Best Wishes to you. 






 

 Great post! I love that you have done so much soul-searching in your journey. I can really relate to what you're saying about trying to cram food in before the next diet.. 

Thank you so much for sharing your journey!!

Hugs,
Pam

 
I do commend you on coming to terms........

My only thought is that.......You are really on a lone journey.......What is plan B if this doesn't work......?

This is where I was not willing to take a chance...... 

- During WL following a known plan gave me confidence and the freedom to learn and concentrate on my own food/eating and lifestyle issues...... It was great/easier to have it separated like that.......

To know my weight loss plan/eating was a know successful path just lowered my anxieties that were part of my eating dysfunctions.

When I reached goal weight and transitioned into maintenance.......It was VERY inspiring and empowering !!!! I had lost the weight and I was educated enough to take on my next step into the process with a certain level of confidence.

For me....it was much more beneficial to take my thinking out of the equation during WL.....

Hope it works out !

frisco