4th Time Told NOT to get Surgery!
So, today I get a FB email from a long lost friend who got bi-pass surgery and said she would recommend I not get surgery. She said if she could do it over again, she would not. This is the second person who has had surgery tell me this - but both of them are bi-pass and not sleeves. The shrink and a close friend of mine both said they don't feel I need it either. That I've already lost a lot and "if I'ver truly made the changes then there is no reason to re-wire my insides and if I haven't changed, surgery won't fix that." However, I don't believe i can do this on my own and being pre-diabettic & watching my grandmother die from diabettes I don't want to follow those foot steps. I get surgery in a week and now people are coming in making desperate attempts to stop me. Has this happend to anyone else? How did you deal with it? and if you could do it all over again, would you?
I don't know anything about your FB friends story, so I can't comment there. The comment on from the shrink and friend has some validity. Here is why I say that:
From my own experiences the hardest work we have to do is changing our head. We have to do the mental work of looking deep into our own motivations for eating and what we eat. We really have to change our relationship with food to a healthy one. Many people will say (i did) "I don't have any food issues". I was wrong. I didn't have any issues directly with food, I had issues that caused me to turn to food. Learning to deal with those issues is going to help me have long term success.
Weight loss is NOT a natural or neutral process in the body. The surgery alone is not a guaranteed cure for obesity. People can still gain weight and overeat after surgery - they just have to work harder at it. The surgery itself is just a mechanical and biochemical tool to help us eat less and get full faster. It helps us counteract the bodies responses to losing weight rapidly, the body wants to have us eat more to maintain weight.
Also, after surgery, we have a chance to really reset ourselves. The first six months is a golden period where we can detox from the unhealthy foods we ate before surgery, develop new tastes, and develop new habits. We take that time to develop new skills like jouranling and measuring portions, new diet and exercise habits, and to work on those food issues.
If you are going into this not willing to take a deep hard look at yourself, if you are thinking surgery alone is going to make you the person you want to be, your friends may be right. If you are really ready to change your entire lifestyle and embrace a globa change to yourself - then surgery is probably the right tool. They might need to have more education about why this is really the right way for YOU. Every journey is individual.
As to whether I would do it again. If I could go back in time, I would do this ten years ago, twenty years ago. I would definitely do it again.
From my own experiences the hardest work we have to do is changing our head. We have to do the mental work of looking deep into our own motivations for eating and what we eat. We really have to change our relationship with food to a healthy one. Many people will say (i did) "I don't have any food issues". I was wrong. I didn't have any issues directly with food, I had issues that caused me to turn to food. Learning to deal with those issues is going to help me have long term success.
Weight loss is NOT a natural or neutral process in the body. The surgery alone is not a guaranteed cure for obesity. People can still gain weight and overeat after surgery - they just have to work harder at it. The surgery itself is just a mechanical and biochemical tool to help us eat less and get full faster. It helps us counteract the bodies responses to losing weight rapidly, the body wants to have us eat more to maintain weight.
Also, after surgery, we have a chance to really reset ourselves. The first six months is a golden period where we can detox from the unhealthy foods we ate before surgery, develop new tastes, and develop new habits. We take that time to develop new skills like jouranling and measuring portions, new diet and exercise habits, and to work on those food issues.
If you are going into this not willing to take a deep hard look at yourself, if you are thinking surgery alone is going to make you the person you want to be, your friends may be right. If you are really ready to change your entire lifestyle and embrace a globa change to yourself - then surgery is probably the right tool. They might need to have more education about why this is really the right way for YOU. Every journey is individual.
As to whether I would do it again. If I could go back in time, I would do this ten years ago, twenty years ago. I would definitely do it again.
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
Thank you for your feedback. I have already lost 40lbs on my own without surgey by diet, excerise and journaling. Yes. I understand it is a process and that I can 100% gain everything back and that surgery is not a cure. However, I never thought just days away that people would be telling me NOT to get surgery. I have worked my butt off changing my lifestyle BEFORE surgery and preparing for it after and now that it has come, people are jumping in my way putting doubts in there. It took me 5 yrs to decide to have this surgery so I'm really taken back that now is when people say don't - you can do it on your own, that I don't need it anymore, etc... I'm still me and I'm still weak and i believe the surgery will give me the tools to be strong when i am weak, give me time to change and adapt and at the other end of this, is a changed person. I don't expect to have my size 8 and McDonalds too! LOL! :) but I don't believe that I can do this on my own either. To me, surgery is a tool that has an experation date when I can eventually stretch it. If I don't make changes then I will undo everything i worked for but to have people who have had surgery tell me they wouldn't do it again, scares me. To feel like my choice is not supported, scares me.
Does your surgery center have support groups? Have you gone to those? My support groups are a constant source of strength and encouragement for me. There are people there who are struggling. There are people there who are having fantastic success. It reallyhelps me to understand both what I am going through now and what I will be facing long term. I'd really suggest you go.
As for being scared, this is a scary process. You have to have the courage to do what is best for you. You have to have the courage to do all of the hard work thats required to be successful and face your fears. The pre-op time is probably the hardest. Its all a huge unknown. You keep thinking WHY will this time be any different than before?
I will tell you what the answer is NOT. Its not to hide. Its NOT to avoid talking to people about what you are doing, as I am sure many will suggest. If you can't stand to have your decision questioned, if you can't defend it and say "This is what I am doing and this is WHY", then what does that say about your ability to stay the course after surgery and face those things that will come from inside yourself?
As for being scared, this is a scary process. You have to have the courage to do what is best for you. You have to have the courage to do all of the hard work thats required to be successful and face your fears. The pre-op time is probably the hardest. Its all a huge unknown. You keep thinking WHY will this time be any different than before?
I will tell you what the answer is NOT. Its not to hide. Its NOT to avoid talking to people about what you are doing, as I am sure many will suggest. If you can't stand to have your decision questioned, if you can't defend it and say "This is what I am doing and this is WHY", then what does that say about your ability to stay the course after surgery and face those things that will come from inside yourself?
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
i also told no one about my surgery except for my spouce and sister. i let my boss and office partner know about a week before the surgery. i decided i didnt want anyone to tell me anything negative. so many ppl want to rain on your parade for their own personal reasons. once you have made the decision just move forward. if you feel you are ready, then you are. i am 4 months out, lost 64 pounds and am very happy i did it. i would definetly do it again and have recommended it to others.
People are concerned, they are entitled to their opinion I guess.
At 2 wks out and no long term results to offer up, I have to say I am so happy I did this and really feel good about my decision. If you are happy with YOUR decision, I say you thank them for your concern and then honor your own instinct and go forward.
At 2 wks out and no long term results to offer up, I have to say I am so happy I did this and really feel good about my decision. If you are happy with YOUR decision, I say you thank them for your concern and then honor your own instinct and go forward.
I haven't been sleeved yet but I'm concerned about what you wrote...l
"To me, surgery is a tool that has an experation date when I can eventually stretch it. If I don't make changes then I will undo everything i worked for but to have people who have had surgery tell me they wouldn't do it again, scares me. To feel like my choice is not supported, scares me. "
You are right in that surgery is a tool.... But my concerns are twofold... First your comment about expiration date and not making changes. If you don't follow your doctors food plan you will hurt yourself. This doesn't expire... You are removing part of your stomach forever. You can't reverse this! You want reversible do lap band or bypass.
Secondly... Why I it important to you what others think? You aren't doing this for them or to them... You are doing this for you. If you don't think you can do this the perhaps you should wait.
Only you can decide what is right for you.
As to the folks that say don't do it.... What is going wrong in their world. Have they stuck to plan... Did they think this was the magic cure? Are they surprised they have to work to maintain the loss?
Goodluck with whatever you decide!
"To me, surgery is a tool that has an experation date when I can eventually stretch it. If I don't make changes then I will undo everything i worked for but to have people who have had surgery tell me they wouldn't do it again, scares me. To feel like my choice is not supported, scares me. "
You are right in that surgery is a tool.... But my concerns are twofold... First your comment about expiration date and not making changes. If you don't follow your doctors food plan you will hurt yourself. This doesn't expire... You are removing part of your stomach forever. You can't reverse this! You want reversible do lap band or bypass.
Secondly... Why I it important to you what others think? You aren't doing this for them or to them... You are doing this for you. If you don't think you can do this the perhaps you should wait.
Only you can decide what is right for you.
As to the folks that say don't do it.... What is going wrong in their world. Have they stuck to plan... Did they think this was the magic cure? Are they surprised they have to work to maintain the loss?
Goodluck with whatever you decide!
I get what you are saying that this is a life long change but my doctor has been very, very upfront about the fact that for most people the sleeve will stretch and the fear & restriction will only keep a person in line for so long (about a year), after that, if I don't stick to it by my own choices & changes then I can regain weight. So, yes, the effects have an expiration date if I don't stick with it. My doctor has been very, very big on coaching this to prepare me for the day when I realize that the restrictions have lessened, that I can eat more & differently if I choose at that point it is no longer the surgery that is keeping me in check but my own free-will.
As for what others think, I think everyone takes in what others say and gadges it - that's why we are on this blog, to learn from others, right? That doesn't imply that I'm overly worried about what others think of me, but rather I'm normal & when people say stuff, I listen, take it in, self reflect and then move forward. I find that healthy and don't think it's cause to wait or a concern. I find it normal for me.
As for what others think, I think everyone takes in what others say and gadges it - that's why we are on this blog, to learn from others, right? That doesn't imply that I'm overly worried about what others think of me, but rather I'm normal & when people say stuff, I listen, take it in, self reflect and then move forward. I find that healthy and don't think it's cause to wait or a concern. I find it normal for me.
I agree with rhearob! very well said.
Good Luck on your surgery. You are the only one that can decide to go through with it. Do it for yourself, not others. They do not live your life, or know what you deal with being overweight. I tend to let those people voice their "opinions" and thank them for their input. But knowing I am the one that has to make the decision in the long run.
Good Luck on your surgery. You are the only one that can decide to go through with it. Do it for yourself, not others. They do not live your life, or know what you deal with being overweight. I tend to let those people voice their "opinions" and thank them for their input. But knowing I am the one that has to make the decision in the long run.
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