Feeling dumped by my OH mentor (Vets any input is greatly appreciated)

Hi everyone, just need to do a little venting here. I have had great success with my VSG and have nothing to complain about as far as the success of the surgery. However, about a month before I had surgery I hooked up on OH with a mentor. She had vsg about 9 months prior and was doing great and took me under her wing.

She gave me great advice prior to surgery and was there for me during those critical first few weeks. As time passed, she was on OH less and less. We did actually have the chance to meet twice as we live close by and we met at a park where some people in a group she is with walked on saturday morning. It was a 1 month thing they were doing.

Anyway, I bonded with her on OH and it was fantastic to meet and be friends. Her one year surgiversary came and ever since she is MIA. I have emailed her and sent a couple of text messages being careful not to be a pest. She finally did respond and is in a rut. I am trying to kindly help her out of it, but she is unresponsive. I totally understand, we all have issues we need to work through.

But can I say I totally feel abandoned? I am missing my mentor and friend. I come here on OH feeling lonely as she is never here anymore. So I am kind of a little fearful that I too may fall into a rut, fall off the wagon and check out mentally. I feel I am still in a very vulnerable place with my surgery. I have been very successful, however I am in no way confident within myself that I have completely mastered this new lifestyle. She was my rock, and I feel lost. I indulged on Easter, which I was fine with, but I am having problems focusing now. I am afraid to start slipping into old habits. Can I just say I miss someone to reel me in? I know essentially I am responsible for my own actions, but it sure helps to have that support system in place. When you rely on it and it's gone, I don't know I just feel alone.

Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks.

 i'm sorry you're missing your friend right now.  she sounds like maybe she either needs some time alone or she needs your support to help her this time.  usually helping someone is as good for the person who is doing the helping as it is the person who needs the help.  

ask her if needs to vent or just hang out and talk about nothing surgery/food/exercise related that you are there for her and leave the ball in her court.  check in with her occasionally and let her know how much she means to you.  it does suck when we're ready to talk and the other person isn't yet .  

good luck!

Hi Joe's wife,

Sounds like your friend is really depressed. I really hate that you feel abandoned. Please don't let her actions get you down. You are #1 here not her. I understand that you miss her as your friend, but you are not losing weight and getting healthier for her, but for yourself. I know you  want to turn to food to replace your friend, but that is how we got here in the first place, using food for comfort.

Pick yourself up and dust your self off and get back on that horse again. As far as your friend goes that will have to be up to you to trust her again as a friend. God is the only person we can fully put faith in. I have learned this the hard way. God will not let us down nor forsake us.

You have friends here on OH very good and sweet people here. We are here to help and listen, so vent away. I will keep you and your friend in my prayers.

God Bless
Evie

 Hi!

 l see we are just a couple of days from each other's surgery dates.  l just felt inclined to write.  l haven't been on here very much lately - l moved last month, lost my health insurance and  have felt  myself losing my focus.  l am absolutely not in any position to step in as a mentor, but if you'd like an extra friend who's also in need of a little extra support, please 'friend' me and we can be here for each other. =)

Hi Joes Wife,

As a person that is 2.5 years out fortunately/unfortunately our VSG's become less of our focus than it is early out.  I'm sure she doesn't want to abandon you, but possibly has just moved on with her life  I'm sorry you feel badly but I also hope that you understand that your friend may be out enjoying the life to the fullest that her wls has afforded her! 

Best wishes as you continue your journey and remember that helping others (paying it forward) will help you on your journey!

Sorry to be off-topic-but that is the cutest profile pic ever (the kitty with the paws out)!

Back to the subject--I do agree that she may just be enjoying life and is not so focused on her surgery. I'm sure it is all-consuming in the beginning. I haven't been sleeved yet but I know that I think about it a lot! I would not take it personally at all-it's just where she is at in her journey. It has nothing to do with you.

Hugs,
Pam

I know it is hard for you to have gotten close to someone however in all honesty I think it is pretty common for people to wean away from the support forums the further they are out from surgery. On most of the forums on OH and others I go to, the majority of people are people just getting ready for surgery and those a few months out. Some 1 year people but not a lot beyond that. 

If I have my surgery and have success my natrual tendency is probably to be on here less and less. I know that sucks for those of us that are early on....we like to hear from the people with the experience but I think it is part of the natural progression and not something that you should take personally. Find someone else that needs or wants to be a mentor and then it will work for everyone.

I can tell you are struggling with the loss of a friend and mentor. What I will say next is meant to me firm, not mean, so please read it as such.

This is YOUR journey. And you need to be reliant on yourself. You need to figure out to keep yourself in check. Because at the end of the day, when you are standing in front of the pantry at 2am in your Snuggie and feety pajamas, thinking about grabbing the chips or the pretzels or the oreos, it is YOU and you ALONE who decides to grab or not.

Part of this journey is about improvement of ourselves, not just weight loss, but the moving away from the old habits that make us slip. Alot of us, including myself, have sought counseling or food addiction counseling to address the reasons why we over ate and became obese. I would suggest seeking counseling to better hone your own arsenal of tools to fight obesity.  

It is very hard to lose a friend, I have lost my best friend on this journey, the person who I thought knew me best. But you know what, I am stronger for having to pick myself up from it, dust myself off, and figure out how to rely on myself. And you will be stronger too once you master those tools.

Good luck on your journey.

 
What Sassy says......

And...... you are far enough along and done well....you know this stuff....you don't do what you have done without a certain amount of knowledge !!!!

My addition to Sassy..... You don't need the crutch anymore.....you need to be that crutch/mentor for somebody else !!!!

I have coached/guided/helped/cheerleader for quite a few now and it really helps you to keep in touch with the disciplines and process needed to do this....

frisco

It's sad when people drift away from OH friends drift away in general. I have had times where I've had to take breaks because life got in the way. I keep coming back here because I *need* to be here.

I'm still working towards goal, I'm still a food addict, and there are still tons of people here who I know IRL and online that are super cool that still hang out here. I also hope to mentor others, as Frisco mentions.

You are so close to goal, you are doing great! Missing drifted friends is normal; we have to mourn that loss. I wish I could give you a hug and make you feel better. May I suggest you see if you can bond with anyone else here, especially perhaps someone who lives close by?

I'm sure someone would LOVE to be your buddy! Or maybe there is a local support group you could go to? I think support and community are great when it comes to dealing with our journey and all of the things that go along with it.

Hugs..