Friend upset

 I have seen tons of posts about whether or not to tell people you had WLS.  I have only told a few people.  I don't have many friends and only one or two even know.  A friend found out from my parents and confessed to being upset I didn't tell her.  I told her that it was hard for me to tell because what if I gain all the weight back.  Now I feel bad because I haven't told people.  She cares about me and feels left in the dark.  any ideas?

I have only told a select few people at my work and select few friends.  I feel it is a very personal and private choice and not everyone needs to know.  You need to do what you feel in your heart.  !  Best wishes on your journey!

A lot of us spent a lifetime always worrying about what others thought of us and judgemental things about our decisions.

This is about you- and you needed to take care of you and put yourself first. You had your reasons -Just explain you had your reasons and didnt mean to upset her. If she can;t get over it than that's her issue. The most important person to take care of right now is YOU! You have a right to your decisions and if people don't like your choices thats there problem! She cares about you and I'm sure if you explain it to her she will understand.

That is the hardest part about having something big in your life that you are insecure about. We have all been insecure or unsure that we were going to succeed after surgery since we all have failed so much. Its hard for others when we dont confide in them because it makes them feel un important. The thing is... this is your life your saving, not theirs. this is your huge life event, not theirs. while its important to have a good support system, you have to build that when you are confident and comfortable. I think you did good explaining to her that you werent sure how to tell her. I didnt tell my dad until i was 4 months into the process and only 2 months before surgery because i was not confident enough in myself or my decision to have surgery that i could have stayed calm and not cried if my dad asked me any questions about the surgery. Once i explained that to him that i had to jump through my own personal and emotional hurdles to start telling people that matter the most to me he understood why i waited and respected that. good luck in telling other people. also tell the people that you have already told that you are telling people you are having surgery but not the exact type of surgery. that will make sure people dont blab your business.

Everyone is different in their own right.  If you didnt feel comfortable telling her yourself then that is your right.  If you feel that you have a great support system and want to tell them then go ahead. 

See, I'm going through the same situation here at work.  I didnt tell the group we ALL call Cluck Clucks but somehow someway they know everything even the date of my procedure... the cluck clucks haven't approached me but I'm thinking of a way to handle it.

The biggest reasons why I haven't talked to many people about my surgery is because

1) it's an embarrassing subject. I don't talk about my weight issues with anyone as it is, so I'm definitely not going to randomly start talking to them about it now.
2) I don't want them to worry about me having a surgical procedure or going to Mexicali for it.
3) I don't want to have to justify why I am choosing to go the way I am because alot of people only see that they are going to be removing a portion of my stomach. They wonder why I'm not choosing to do lap band. But, they think this way based on ignorance. They haven't read the things I've read or talked to the people I've talked to.

The few people I've talked to are behind me 100% (or at least to my face they are). They trust my decision, they know I'm doing it based on things I've researched and not just randomly picked it out. Sure, a few of them would rather I go towards lap-band, but like I mentioned - they haven't done the research I have to understand it. My best friend thinks I'm picking the best option because she's seen the damage the band has done to her sister - she may even do it after seeing my results. My Auntie had the gastric bypass a few years ago and wishes she had done the VSG.
Don't feel you have to share any information with any and everyone because how you think they will feel. They don't know the struggles you've gone through, they don't know how you feel about it. If it were up to me (my mom opened her mouth about it to a few people I didn't want to know) - I'd have only told my brother, mom, dad and my aunt (I asked her for her thoughts on the info I've found before I told anyone else). This is alot to process in your own mind.... don't worry about everyone else.

I know what you mean,The decision to tell people can be a hard one.When i first started the process i only told my family and my closest friends.Then as time is passing by i noticed myself telling a lot more people.Sometimes i wished that i would have kept my mouth closed but this is something thats major in my life and a celebration of me....Whatever decision you make just make sure that you happy with it.

I have only told a few people about my wls also. I have a really good friend that I did not tell because she is a very judgmental person about a lot of things. She has stated before that she would never, never have the lap band or any other surgery. She has also mentioned that since my surgery. I don't know if she is fishing or what but I just tell her what I am eating these days and how much. I do feel I am being deceiving sometimes but really this is my business and I am proud and thankful to have had it done. I don't need someone spreading the word (which she would) or assuming it is all about the surgery. She would not understand how strick you have to be afterwards. It is just not worth what I would have to go through with her to tell her about it. I didn't even tell one of my sisters for the same reason.
This process is all about you and what you have to do to be successful. Do what you have to and hold your head up high!!
 Just sayin....

Good luck!!

I only told my sister, one niece and my 2 very good friends that I work with. I asked them and my husband to not tell anyone else. It is a very personal thing. For those that feel comfortable talking about it - that's great. For those of us that don't - that's great too! I manage a team of 8 men. They were all concerned when I was taking 4 weeks off but they didn't ask why - they just all hugged me bye. I'm sure they will all notice when the weight starts coming off enough to see and then I may change my mind but in the mean time I hope everyone will just respect my privacy. I agree, I didn't talk about my weight before and don't see a need to now. Always remember, this is where you will get support! We all see things differently but all have each others back!!
~~~gwen

I know what you mean.  When I started the classes to prepare me I told a number of people.
After I dealt with their reactions to the possibility of surgery I decided not to let them
know my final decision. I want the surgery and I am still waiting for a surgery date.
  I have a friend that had the surgery a couple of weeks ago.
She tried to keep it a secret.  She did tell me, and I kept quiet as she requested.  I retired
from the Superior Court and she still works there.  Someone else at the Court couldn't keep
their big mouth shut and passed around the information to anyone that would listen.
My friend was really upset.  As soon as information got out the entire staff at the
courthouse was approaching her and giving her advice.  I felt bad for her.  This was
exactly what she was trying to avoid. Explain to your friend your reasons and I am sure
she will understand.  This decision is very personal and your wanting to keep it
personal is not selfish.  I am keeping things low key.  I think some people do not
understand all the emotions you are dealing with to come to this decision.  In the end
it will all work out.  I wish you the best.