My Secret Surgery

Georgie,

The decision of who to tell about the surgery is a very personal one. I don't think you'll find many here who make the exact same decision as anyone else about this issue, because we all handle this type of thing differently.

Having said that, do you live with your husband? He may not notice the weight loss at first, or the incision marks, but what about the fact that you won't be eating solid foods for several weeks? He'll probably notice all of the protein shakes in the fridge, won't he?

I hate that your relationship is so rocky. I know that can't be fun, especially right now when you need someone supportive. What if you gave him a chance to be supportive in this, and he took it? Could that possibly be a way to reconnect with him? I agree with Rosie's post above me. You could even tell him exactly how you feel... that you really need some support right now, and that it would be awesome if he could be there for you through this, so that you two could experience your journey together. Maybe making him feel like he has been invited to join you in something so important, whether physically or mentally, will get his attention.

My husband really does have blinkers on. Eventually he'll notice the weight lose, but my eating habits have always been out of whack as I'm a very fussy eater so he'll not notice my diet. And I have drunk protein shakes for years.
I told him I'm ready to start another vigouris diet ( as have in past and lost, but never maintained)
But that all aside someone really needs to know where I am. Aye?
Its my fears due to my mums passing that are sending me in a spin, but I am a very practical person, and need to be  in this situation, and that does involve someone knowing, after reading everyones post, I have to swallow the bullet and come clean, I've been a real liar and schemer the last 3 months planning my surgery, so it would be very healing to come clean, as I'm a very straight shooter normally, it's  my shame of being obese and physically out of control

 Hey Georgie,

We all have our decisions to make. It's hard to second guess someone's actions without being in their shoes. Just remember, now you are not alone. A lot of people here know what you're about to take on and we will be there every step of the way to root you on, give advice, seek advice and celebrate your victories. 

Hang in there. You're among friends. 
Tony

Hi Georgie - I'm also having my surgery in India, more so because I have been living and working here for a couple of years. If you are going to one of the main hospitals, you will be fine. I was admitted for my pre-op testing a coupe of weeks ago and had one night in hospital - unfortunately surgery was delayed until the 6th because they found an ulcer - but - the good news is, the doctors, nurses and support staff were fantastic - every time I left my room there was someone with me, I can't speak highly enough of the care. I found this really reassuring for my rescheduled surgery. There is a strong culture here of having someone / a family member with you at the hospital, and if they know you have travelled and are alone, I think they will keep an extra eye out for you.
Re telling someone, only you can make this decision, but it is a long way from home. The hospital might need you to nominate a next of kin. Good luck with your decision, travel and surgery, Jo

Hi Jo/ Aussie in India. I was wondering how your surgery went, delayed, bummer. please post afterwards though, would be great to hear how it all pans out.
get done also.


Thanks to everyone for their words of wisdom, You guys are right I do need to tell my Husband, Just really scared on his reaction....but I'll try.
Everyone on this site is incredibly supportive, YOU ROCK. It's great getting your opinions, as this is the scariest thing I've ever done, but am determined to

Georgie, did you know there's a board based in Australia?  Here's the link.

www.gastricsleevesupport.com/

I haven't been on it in a long time, but there may be some Kiwis there also, you might find a surgery buddy, or at least some support a little geographically closer!

Much luck with your surgery, and please stay on this board too, and keep us up to date.

 I understand your reluctance to share.  Could you tell your counselor in case something happens?  Perhaps an arrangement with him/her in the incredibly unlikely event something goes amuck.  This way your privacy in entirely maintained, but if needed somebody near your family is aware.

I did it alone in Mexico and a year later, I have told no one except my physician.  I wrote a letter in case I died and left it at home, tore it up when i returned alive and well.  Maybe do the same and put it in a place no one would think to look unless you died?

I remember being wheeled into surgery and nothing else.  I think the doctors know that the longer you lay there, the more fearful you become, so they put you out quick.  Also, they don't want to waste time as most of them do more than one surgery a day and they need to get going on you.

You can do this anyway you want, but it's do-able keeping it a secret. 

Yeah I thought about writing a letter explaining why I choose not to share, and thought it would hurt them more by doing that.
Glad I dont have to now, thank you thank you thank you to you all and your support, you have gave me the courage to tell my Husband and Boys, it was really hard telling my hubby that I have been lying to him and was getting surgery next month, he was a bit shell shocked and took it quite well.
I explained why I didnt tell him, he wasn't upset just shocked , maybe a little hurt, I told him I didnt trust that he would be supportive, honestly I still dont, but I needed him to know anyhow. And that I felt he wouldn't keep my secret, as he doesn't keep any secrets well, no filter. So I still feel uneasy with him knowing, but more stress free without all the lying and negative energy that it comes with. And if he does blab I'll just have to deal with it!
My boys I told, my elderst ,13 has asperges (autisim) very functional, and took it very well as he likes the satistics and facts I told him, my 11yr old was very upset, so I'll have to ease him into it a bit more, he asked will you come back ? Cause nana didnt!. Poor wee Soul!
Didnt bother telling my 3 yr old just that I was going away next month.
So it went better than I thought it would, still have doubts about telling my hubby, but he really did have to know, and its proberly for the best. And finally I dont have to tell more lies. YAY
I'm really pleased I told my boys as they are my world.

I understand the not telling aspect.  My children won't be told, my mother, my in-laws, my friends, neighbors...NOBODY except my husband.  I actually don't trust any of these people (to not mention it to someone else: people talk)  I am excluding and it's sad but this is personal to me.  It's a personal failure that I couldn't lose it myself, it's a humiliating thing to me that it will take surgery to lose it and even WITH surgery I am going to have to comit to being SUPER complaint.  It's scary and I do plan to leave a letter in case something goes wrong, just so my kids know that I'm not trying to be selfish but trying to reach for a better life for all of us.  I feel confident enough not to waver in my decision to have this surgery though.  I started my liquid diet today and I am very, very hungry with a headache and some issues going on at home but i will not let it stop me.

As far as the secret goes: I have been purchasing protein and getting our whole family on an exercise regimen.  As far as friends and family go, they know I'm starting a hardcore diet and this is the truth.  i feel I've set it up in a manner to support my secret.  This way I can share IF and WHEN I want to and the control over that is all mine, provided my husband doesn't slip up and spill the beans.