My Secret Surgery

Hi guys, I'm from Nz, and I'm going to a very good reputable dr in India, so I know that I'll be in safe hands.
Reasons I choose india was the cost $8800nzd compared to having surgery in my country with far least experienced surgeons for $23500.
Being in a strange country like india adds to my stress, I did take that into consideration, but with time nearly here it makes it far more real.
However the normal fears are creeping in, as I'm having surgery on the 20th February. Aaaaah!
My huband can be a right dick sometimes, so felt I was better off doing this alone, my siblings are very hardheaded, none overweight and just wouldn't understand, so I haven't told them either.
Havent told friends as, I dont want my husband knowing!!!!
Visualizing going into theater is the worst of my fears as , what if?
I read on another post a while back the worst thing for that person was lying on the operating table/ bed. I concur..
Havent told my 3 adorable boys( 13,11 and 3 )as  they would worry
At their age I was made an orphan due to a surgery complication , my mum died......
So I have been thinking about that alot!!
I know I'm doing the right thing, can visualise a good outcome, but I'm a realist and know all about complications. I feel that I'm being selfish.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow Goergie!  That's a lot to take on alone.  How long will you be in India?  Have you thought about how you will explain the surgery after?  I went to dinner with a good friend last night and she told me 2 great bits of advice.  Number 1 - face your fears, they're never as big as you think they are (not even real most times) and keep your feet moving (stay focused on your goals).  [They're paraphrased from the Buddhist story the Room of 1000 Demons.]  I wish you well and hope you can find someone to trust with your plans before you leave the country.  Be careful and stay strong.

Thanks, I've had a very rocky past, I've just started councelling, as this process has bought up alot of grief and other issues from my mothers passing, that never got dealt with.
And I have trust issues, go figure. I'm in India for 10 days, and my hubby is so  self involved with himself, so I would be extremly surprise if he even notices the weight lose, let alone the incision marks. That is no exageration, he's not tuned in at all. Our marriage is rocky, and I mant some self esteem back, thats why I've choosen to have athe vsg.
Your right I definetly should  tell someone, but I just dont know if I can

Counseling helps.  I started 3 months ago or so.  I have my surgery Feb 27th.  I definitely am thankful that I get to talk through things and get prepared for post op changes with my therapist. 

Hi Georgie.  I can't imagine being in your shoes.  I'm the type of person who told EVERBODY and if they didn't like it, well, it's my life and they could just deal with it.  I was doing this no matter what anybody said.  If you feel you can't share like that, I would at least pick ONE person you feel you can confide in.  Seriously, you are going to a foreign country to have a surgery done.  Somebody should know where you are and why you are there (just in case...).  Good luck on the surgery and your recovery.  I hope you can find someone out there to support you, you will need a sounding board - although that is what we are here for too.

Deb

 Georgie, sending you good vibes for a safe trip and a very successful surgery. As a mommy, I'm positive it must be hard to leave your little ones, but being a happy will be best for them in the long run.

Georgie- I am so sorry that you are slone during this process. It is normal to be nervous about surgery. I was scared to do it and scared not too. the reality is that if you do not have the surgery you will have health problems associated with being obese. So either way, you are taking health risks.  Is there one person you could tell? If not, use this forum as your support. We ahve all been there and will help you through this. You are in my thoughts. I think counseling is a great source of support as well.

Georgie, This is an extremely safe surgery if it is performed by an experienced surgeon.  Your chances of having a safe, successful outcome are very good. But, since you have 3 children, you should definately tell someone, preferably your husband, because he will need to talk to your children, if there are any issues. You never know what can happen in life.  This surgery will change your life. It will also change your attitude. Maybe your husband will be more supportive than you think. You may be pleasantly surprised. You will need to explain to him why you are going to India,  and when you come back, you will be eating differently, so he may ask you questions, anyway. You may also have some medical issues, so you may need help or you may need to go to the doctor.  Maybe if you discuss this with him, it may bring you closer. Your relationship may get  better when you get thinner, because you will be happier.  When you are happier, you will also be in a better mood, and sex will be better when you are thinner. He may also respond better to you because will be proud of you.   I think you should give hime a chance- tell him you are considering surgery and ask what he thinks, first, before you tell him you have a surgery date. I think It would be better for you, the boys, and him, (and your marriage) if you open the dialogue. Good Luck to you whatever you decide.

I understand not wanting to tell anyone, for fear of the nay sayers in your life. In such a fragile state that your 100% sure you couldn't take another critical comment from him/her or them or whoever. But you have children. How do you know they won't spill the beans? Where are you telling your husband your going exactley? Shouldn't you update some important documents with him like your will and life insurance. As someone who's not married I have no perspective, but what kind of impact will those giant secrets have on your relationship.

Whatever you choose, will be the right choice for you. Best of luck.

my friends mum has cancer, and told him I'm going up there to help, which I am for 2 days and flying out after that. he thinks Im away helping for a fortnight. our will and life insurance all up to date, just recently... I was easily believed as I very seldom lie, I feel horrible as totally not me, the liar is prvailing!, need to find a way of coming clean.